They live in the house behind us. They live next door and across the street too. It's the Ned Flanders family. Most worrisome is I think they now inhabit our residence and we never saw it coming.
We'd have never moved into the neighborhood if we knew THEY lived here. But it was never obvious since everybody pulled into their driveway just before 5:30, pressed the Sears garage door opener, and immediately disappeared into their own private batcave. There was no keeping up with the Flanders since you never really saw them long enough to see whether they were driving an Altima, Accord or Camry.
We've lost a very important American tradition: To complain about our neighbors. If you live in the city you can complain that they are too close. In the country you can complain that they don't visit enough. But in the new Suburbia, even the old coots can't complain about kids on their lawns.
The kids in suburban areas don't play outside -- swimming, tennis, soccer, and even bicycling are now inside sports when you move to the $175,000 subdivisions. And all of those require professional tutelage. For fifty bucks your kindergartener can attend a class with a trained expert so they can learn how to ride a two wheeler bike from a stranger. Son-of-a-diddly, indeed, Ned!
The realtors tell all the prospective Ned Flanders and the Ned Flanders wannabees about the local school system and it must work in attracting them. But Mrs. Flanders of the North has no reason to ever meet up with Mrs. Flanders of the East since their children all end up attending entirely different private schools.
And all those planned activities to nourish the little Rods and Todds means Ned Flanders #6 never runs into Ned Flanders #9 around the neighborhood. So as we end the trip through master-planned communities filled with Ned Flanders on every corner, this Odyssey ends with the plea "Where's Homer?"
Its not terrorists, its not drug dealers, its not even crazyass gunloons. Its child molesters! Which there are no more of now than there ever were. Its cable news making local crime national, which makes crime seem 50 (states) times more prevalent than it used to be. Or by city, 5000 times more prevalent.
Half of cell phone sales are protection devices to save children from molesters.
It also has to do with air conditioning!
Not as bad up Norte.
Frontpage - Top level