Early in January - quite possibly the very first day of the New Year - a very large number of people in a major northeastern city will become very sick upon waking. There will be severe headaches and nausea with some sort of connection to beverages from France, or possibly California.
Soon thereafter, in nearly the exact same area, hundreds of people will get sick eating Chihuahua tacos? It makes no sense, but this is clear as a bell - Tacos. Really limp, smelly tacos which points to either lettuce or perhaps green onions being the culprit for the mass illnesses in New Jersey or New York. But this remains a source of confusion since how can a thousand people getting sick by eating at Taco Bell be a major news story.
No matter because it isn't just green onions whose smell lingers through early 2007. Garlic will be proven once and for all, through competent scientific studies, to do nothing to lower cholesterol levels. The fallout with be quick -- Larry King will already have switched to advertising brussel-sprouts-in-a-pill faster than the 12 hours it took for him to drop Ginseng after published research proved him wrong.
And on that very same day, Kevin Trudeau will put out a $59 hardcover book with his own research on garlic that will jump to #1 on the alternative views websites, just ahead of "Evolution Smevolution" and "Global Warming Won't Get Me Taking off my Sweater Vest."
As spring approaches in 2007 expect some weather coming out of the Northeast. Cats and dogs kind of rain in New York City. Hungry cats and dogs, for some reason, because the 5 billion dollar a year petfood business decided to try making a little more money in profits during the upcoming year. Unaffected, most likely, will be Chihuahuas.
Just as the first half of 2007 will be dominated by large amounts of weather, there will be a terrible drought of another kind for the second half of the year - news. Day after day, week after week just nothing. Places like Newsmax and Fox News will be unaffected, of course, by the total lack of news. But I predict mass suffering at real, hard news places like the Times, Post and CNN.
Entire news divisions will be outsourced to India due to its proximity to the tens of billions of US dollars being spent every month in Iraq. Some, like CNN's Lou Dobbs will refuse their Middle East assignments. But the outlook for Lou still appears strong that he will permanently be stationed in that area he knows well: South of the Border. In Chihuahua.
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