Muskrat Love all God's Creatures

No less than eight schools are the Bison, although Lipscomb University in Nashville takes to heart that one is the loneliest number, and pluralize themselves as the Bisons. In keeping with the Native American themes, the Adams State Indians chose Grizzlies while the Nebraska Wesleyan Plainsmen became "Prairie Wolves". But is this not just out of the frying pan and into the campfire? The argument goes that you are recognizing and honoring the animals when you turn them into a cartoon. But Nature itself is being degraded by Universities who have chosen to be Purple Eagles, Blue Hens, Maroon Tigers, Golden Gophers, Red Dragons or the Mean Green Eagles.

But it is serious business in these uncertain times for our feathered friends who are JayHawks or Pelicans. Happy as a Lark? Very doubtful. Under the seas we are making fun of the Seals at Chatham College, the Florida Gators, and the University of Alaska Humpback Whales. Back on land, adding insult to environmental injury, the Wolves and Panthers and Jaguars have little voice in Washington.

And what sort of message are we sending the endangered animals when we poke fun at the extinct? You've got Griffins in Philadelphia, Griffins in St. Louis, and Griffins in Salt Lake City. There are even Griffins where the well-read students at Reed College and Golden Gate University should know better. If they are doing it in Portland and San Francisco there is quite little hope! Worse still is non-existent names for nonexistent species. Somebody at Missouri Western State College should have checked the spelling before ordering those thousand college sweatshirts with "Griffons" printed on the front. Maybe everyone at that school is on the football team. The Gryphons of Sarah Lawrence College can be forgiven since it is an appropriate artsy name, and they probably have no football team anyhow.

But would someone please let the Pumas of Rensselaer know that when they play the Cougars from any of the 30+ colleges with that name, that there is no difference at all between a dead Puma and a dead Cougar. They are from the same Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, and Species. There is just such a gulf between the Ivory Towers and the real world. If you are going to pick on the little guy, the American way is to make a few bucks while you do it. Out of thousands of campuses, has nobody yet seen fit to let the endangered Gecko represent them and earn some corporate sponsorship dollars during halftime from a major US Insurance company? 

A question that comes up is why have any nickname at all. One only needs to look to places such as Albany Law School, the Aeronautics School of Flushing, or Bob Jones University. Without any nickname of your own, you leave yourself wide open to all the lawyer jokes, toilet humor and poking fun at intolerant dunderheads. The one exception to the no-name rule applies to the Devry Institute Hoyas in Atlanta ... You don't get to have a nickname or mascot if you advertise your school during episodes of the Judge Hatchett show in the middle of the afternoon. 

In closing let us remember two more species who haven't quite crossed over the line into near-extinction. At Bryant & Stratton in Cleveland they've got their Lemmings; not quite an endangered animal. How the hell can that be? And Benedictine College in Kansas there are the Ravens for whom we should take the battle cry for the dwindling population of the Raven - Nevermore. 

(Credit to Adam Smargon for maintaining the Internet list of collegiate sports names. And for the nitpicky Virginia Conservatives out there, the WASPS of Emory are not an endangered species -- regardless of any affirmative action claims you attempt to make)