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Here in Texas, art is the guy who lives on the corner and literature what the NRA leaves in your mailbox.

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Entries from August 2007




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Disregarding the Republican Base



The numbers of the Republican Base are presented to us most everyday in those polls of who is still with George and the war. It hovers around 33% of the American electorate. This means about one third of Americans are crazier than Lisa Nowak on acid.

I have to apologize for implying a few weeks ago that John McCain was in election trouble because he was so thirsty for more war in the Middle East. I was wrong, the Republican Base is full square for more war in the Middle East, including a new war with Iran. McCain drew the ire of the Republican Base on two issues. First that he is not on board for the mass roundup, incarceration and deportation of 12 million Hispanic men, women and children. And secondly, he has put his name to legislation decrying lobbies and corporations paying House and Senate members for their votes. Both issues anemia to what the Republican Base stands for. The wealthy writing the laws and our new American brand of ethnic cleansing.

Compared to the rest of the electorate, the Republican Base has a higher rate of voting, political activism and pulling the lever for straight GOP tickets. There is nothing that can be done about that, disregard it. The Base is made up of three fairly equal groups.

First are the Christian Fundamentalists – represented now again by Pat Robertson as Jerry Falwell has gone to Hell - who are locked into voting on only three issues: Giving the government control over women’s reproductive rights, pushing the government to deny Gay and Lesbians the same rights as anyone else and having the government help them force their religious beliefs upon the rest of us. All while screeching about getting the government out of our lives. They are obviously crazy, but not as crazy as the next group.

Here we have that gang of Gun Funsters best represented by Ted Nugent, the capital “L” libertarians, the NRA Life Members, the militias and the racist groups which when added up have become a powerful enough voting block to make or break many local elections. This group is much like watching the Jerry Springer Show. Whenever they come to our attention it’s a feel good day verifying that we are at least smarter than someone.

Lastly is the historic base of the Republican Party, the Unearned Income Crowd which is represented these days by Grover Norquist. They control our corporate board rooms, Wall Street, K Street and by spending billions in public relations have managed to put the other two groups of crazies in their back pocket.

So... Disregard this Republican Base of 33%, they are what they are and will not change. And from now on when seeing political poll numbers subtract 33% from whatever it may be. If you see Hillary with a negative to 49%, subtract that 33% who would not vote for a Hillary or any Democrat even if their own candidate was caught eating children with Boy George in an airprot Men’s Room. Hillary’s negatives are 16%.

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Caro's Links - August 31st

Upbeat Bush hints at more troops for Iraq
THE US President, George Bush, has given his strongest indication yet that he intends to continue with plans to increase troop numbers in Iraq after the September 15 report to Congress, when he delivered an upbeat assessment of military progress and a more positive view of the political outlook. He also warned that pulling out of Iraq would harm US interests in the Middle East for decades and expose America to the threat of increased terrorism and a nuclear arms race in the region by allowing al-Qaeda-backed Sunni extremists to flourish and Shiite extremism in Iran to spread.

 

Suspected chemical weapons found at U.N. office
U.N. archivists for UNMOVIC, the U.N. chemical weapons agency, unexpectedly turned up samples of material from an Iraqi chemical weapons plant in old files on Friday, U.N. officials said. The samples were in weapons inspectors’ files dating back to the 1990s, but the substance is not believed to pose any immediate danger, the officials said.

 

US lawmakers’ plane under fire in Iraq
A military cargo plane carrying three senators and a House member was forced to take evasive maneuvers and dispatch flares to avoid ground fire after taking off from Baghdad on Thursday night.

 

White House Preparing Strategy To ‘Water Down’ Pessimistic Reports From Iraq
According to unnamed officials familiar with the White House’s strategy regarding the GAO report, “the administration is preparing a case to play down the findings, arguing that Congress ordered the GAO to use unfair, ‘all or nothing’ standards when compiling the document.”

 

Conservative Media Study Finds Bias Where None Exists
Debunking a new Media Research Center study purporting that “since Democrats outnumbered Republicans in campaign segments on the morning shows of ABC, CBS and NBC, the three major networks are ‘actively promoting the Democrats’ liberal agenda.’” While former FAIR intern Volsky knows that “conservatives may tout the report as evidence of the media’s liberal bias” anyway, he finds that “its conclusion falls apart under scrutiny.”

 

Buchanan, Scarborough claimed that a military strike against Iran would be popular, but polls suggest otherwise
On MSNBC, Pat Buchanan claimed that a U.S. attack on Iran is “comin[g]” and went on to assert that a military strike against Iran would be “a very popular initial move.” Joe Scarborough agreed, stating that “a military strike against Iran initially would be extraordinarily popular with the American people.” But polling data show that most Americans say they would oppose an attack on Iran.

 

GOP no-shows prompt cancellation of debate
Univisión’s Republican presidential debate has been called off after only one contender agreed to participate, though the network hopes to reschedule. The debate for Democrats is still on for Sept. 9.



From Make Them Accountable

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Bush's Speech Writer - Andy Dick






Andy Dick shows us why George Bush speaks so well.

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God and Reagan Fix Texas Education

Ronald Reagan God GOP

This is another update in the continuing saga of how Texas is succeeding in dealing with having the lowest high school graduation rate in America. Of course off the table is doing anything regarding paying teachers, reducing class size or increasing funding, rather we do what counts so any Texan can grow up to be a shooter and a brush cutter. This Summer Texas passed not only a law to force “IN GOD” into the Texas pledge of Allegiance, but also one to allow even grade school students to proselytize to each other. Betty Lou's parents can now load her up with Watchtowers everyday to distribute throughout the school. And not to forget our Back to School Tax Free Weekend which does not include books, notebooks, binders, paper, pencils and pens. As the subject of this piece would say, here we go again.

Dumbass, Texas – The Harris County Department of Education, though not having the power as the school districts, does have $100 million dollars to spread around Houston each year. Houston students are predominantly Black and Brown. One of the seven board members, Michael Wolfe, suggested they rename their department building after Ronald Reagan. Though Wolfe says he is not partisan, he did show reporters a picture of Reagan he carried in his wallet. The motion passed the board in a non partisan 5 to 2 vote.

Defending the vote was another non partisan, Patrice Henderson from the Ronald Reagan Republican Women’s Club who said of Reagan, “He was such a great Christian and man. From everything I’ve read, and I ‘ve read a lot of books about Ronald Ragan, he was the educational President.”

Governor Reagan slashed funding of California schools leaving them much worse than how he found them. Campaigning for President he said he would eliminate the Department of Education and assigned Billy “Jackboot” Bennett, who also wanted to eliminate the Department of Education, as its department head. Ronald Reagan and Bill Bennett left the White House having made American education worse than when they found it. To top it off, there is no President more disliked by African Americans or Hispanics than Ronald Reagan.

Here in Dumbass non of that matters, we know that only God and Reagan can improve education.

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Larry Craig Come On Over and Out of the Closet!

August 28, 2007


Dear Senator Craig,

As official spokeswoman for the National Democratic Inclusion Headquarters, I would like to be the first to officially extend a warm invitation for you to join our ranks. As the party of inclusion, rather than exclusion, where you are presently, we welcome those of various races, religious beliefs, non beliefs, and of course sexual preferences. Our policy is that part of your life is your own business, as long as children or animals are not involved). Even those with questionable taste in music are welcome, as are those whose mothers dressed them funny, and have yet to recover.

We do know that you are a deeply religious man. This could be the turning point in becoming closer to your Creator. How wonderful it would be for you to face the day as who you truly are, as you were intended you to be! No more living a sinful and hypocritical sham of an existence. I know that becoming the man “HE” intended is the most important thing, above politics, or the opinion of your small minded community. We’ve heard and read your beliefs enough to interpret that is the case, and feel that you would be going against HIS will if you did not take this opportunity to join with your brothers and sisters of all stripes, but more importantly as yourself, (past Senator Craig) Gay and proud!

We realize that as a politician, you required the standard issue wife and children, but is it truly fair to hide behind her skirts so that you will not appear openly “gay”, but on the down low? Our Gay Democrats welcome you to step out of the closet.

While I cannot speak for everyone, I’d venture that most Democrats of both sexes would welcome you once you’ve come to terms with who you are, and are no longer using your family as human shields. They too, of course are welcome. The convention would be a wonderful place for your wife to find another partner.

Somewhere in the Hypocritical part of your brain, it must have throbbed and flashed red, showing in your eyes, and blaring like ship’s klaxon when you signed numerous anti gay laws I won’t list them all, just two which may well impact you soon.

You voted no twice to expanding hate crimes to include sexual orientation, and once to prohibit job discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. These issues may well have great meaning for you soon unless you’re prepared to jet out of Idaho immediately!

P.S. They aren’t buying your denials, you might want to book that flight and consider a party and career change ASAP. We are here to help.

Sincerely,

Wanda Welcome Wagon

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Senator Larry Craig Press Confernce - Full Denial




Come on pal! You pleaded guilty and took the hit for lewd behavior! And now you say it's all the fault of The Idaho Statesman and some rouge cop? Come on pal, face it, yer toast!  Hey, I hear there's a dude down in West Texas looking for help cutting brush!

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Michael Vick, Jesus and Hip Hop

 
"Dog fighting is a terrible thing and I did reject it. Through this situation I found Jesus, and asked him for forgiveness and turned my life over to God." Michael Vick Playing the Jesus Card.


With the guilty plea and the plea bargain submitted, the sentencing – expect a couple years in prison - will now have to wait until December. Hopefully December will be cold enough in Atlanta to deter rioting. Thanks to O J Simpson we now have a name for this dynamic, the Simpson Syndrome. Which can be easily confused with the other Simpson Syndrome, DUH!

The issue itself is about as low as humans can sink. All arguments defending this crap are off. Whether it’s the NAACP and Flacon Fans claiming racism or Black commentators defending it because it’s not as bad as this or that. But Deion Sanders kicked the issue through the goal posts when he said it only expresses the reality of Black culture. Bingo. Sub culture, Hip Hop.

I have defended Hip Hop and  Rap as the poetry of The Hood for a generation, but as a biased dog lover, I have now had it up to HERE  with this crap. This issue is not about third world chicken fights or Matadors facing death in a bullring. This is about man’s best friend being used to fight to the death (with the losers killed) not only for money, but more importantly, for the joy of watching something suffer for the macho fun of it. There is no redeeming social value involved. So now Dog Killing has been added to what the Hip Hop culture has come to most represent and promote: Revenge, violence, gangs, guns, prisons, pimping and murder. These are the heroes for a generation of Inner City Black kids. It has gone over the top.

To their benefit Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Bill Cosby, James Brown and a few others over the years have called this culture out for what it is to little or no fanfare and even less avail.

 

"I want you to tell people to love one another. I want you to fight to lift the standards back. What happened to us that we are now celebrating from being down? What happened we went from saying I'm black and I'm proud to calling each other niggers and ho's and bitches. I sung people up and now they're singing people down, and we need to change the music. Lift the music back to where children and their grand mommas can sit and listen to the music together." Al Sharpton in his eulogy as to what James Brown told him just weeks before he died.


Rap is not even music, it is culture. There is little if any musical talent involved. Ask a Rapper what instrument he plays or listen to him belt out a melody. What little music there is has likely been stolen and remixed. It’s the Disco of yesteryear with the bass turned up, replacing mindless dance music with angry dance music. Even the accompanying Hip Hop fashion is based on excessive clownish jewelry, loose clothing to better conceal large weapons, and face and neck tattoos to imply unemployable criminality. And of course that foul unintelligible dialect that demeans everything including themselves. But it is the glorification of revenge, guns, violence and murder that is Hip Hops’ central contribution to the low road of humanity. So there!

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House full of Crap sells for $2.6 million

Check out our spinoff site for more People are Strange (funebrity.com)

I just read about a guy who paid $2.6 million for a house full of shit! In New Jersey! The place was auctioned off because the people that lived there couldn’t keep up mortgage, and the bank foreclosed.

Times are getting tougher. Used to be you could get a decent house full of shit for thirty, forty thousand dollars. Of course that was back when my Dad was paying the bills.

The guy that bought the house said he thought it was inhabitable, that he knew people had been living there, because he saw them coming and going.

But, it turned out the people collected abandoned animals. When the guy went in to inspect the place, he found the rooms filled with dog and cat feces, and the 3-car garage floor covered with dead cats and dogs and animal feces.
They say the owners fell on hard times. So Mr. Opportunist put in a bid and got the place. Capitalizing on other’s misfortune, it’s the American way. But sometimes you get a fistful of shit, to boot. I think there is a card game called shit on your neighbor. This guy lost.
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Senator Larry Craig, Another one Bites the Dust

Senators Lott, Craig and Ashcroft sing eagle and flag songs as the infamous Senate White Boys Trio.

Larry Craig, Conservative Republican Senator from Idaho pleaded guilty today for soliciting sex from an undercover male in the Minneapolis Airport last June. This is yet another story far more about Conservative hypocrisy than sexual orientation. Here is Craig’s voting record on the subject:

• Voted YES on constitutional ban of same-sex marriage. (Jun 2006)
• Voted NO on adding sexual orientation to definition of hate crimes. (Jun 2002)
• Voted NO on expanding hate crimes to include sexual orientation. (Jun 2000)
• Voted YES on prohibiting same-sex marriage. (Sep 1996)
• Voted NO on prohibiting job discrimination by sexual orientation. (Sep 1996)

A few gay activists have outed Larry in the past but denials were swift, harsh and believed. No more. His Senate seat is now up for grabs this coming term. Will Idaho, the state of Helen Chenoweth , Randy Weaver, the Aryan Nations, bad cop retirement communities and more NRA Life Members than Texas allow the seat to fall to Democrats? Is there at least one well armed Democrat in Idaho whiter than a Klan meeting in Iceland.

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Sen. Craig "Homosexual Critic"- Guilty of Lewd Behavior


Though only a charter member of the “Lady’s International Bathroom Flock Society” myself, I’m certain I’ll have a comeback for the next man and there’s always one, who comments that women in public “always” go to the restroom in flocks - (or herds, depending upon the quality and tact of your escorts).One lady announces she needs to powder her nose, and each in turn states that she too will come along. In some places, it’s self protection, in other cases, Where else are we going to talk about you?

I can tell you one thing I’ve never witnessed in many a flock meeting, the name Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho) comes to mind. Somehow those in the know were aware that the Minneapolis-St. Paul international Airport was THE happenin’ place to go for some senatorial action. Craig discovered it quite a bit after the plainclothes police did. By this time of his arrival on June 11, they’d had a bit of practice recognizing the signals, and arresting some unmarried and married men “on the down low”. Senator Craig would fit into the married segment, or was at the time.

Let this be a lesson. Craig’s downfall could educate others, as Sgt.Dave Karsnia who was the plainclothes officer on that fateful day, has shared some of the signals to watch for. In fact, Karsnia was sitting in a stall when Craig entered, and selected his stall (of all others) to stand in front of, lingering, fidgeting, and repeatedly trying to look through the cracks. Craig then entered the next stall and placed his roller bag against the front of the stall door, which undercover police say is one giveaway signal to block outside view. From this point, there seems to be a proscribed ritual as an invitation to lewd conduct, involving foot tapping, which Craig commenced with the officer. Eventually moving his foot closer to the officer’s, the officer then tapped his foot up and down slowly. Is anyone else having flashes of
WildKingdom mating rituals? The bathroom was busy, but didn’t deter Craig, as he sidled his foot over so it touched the officer’s. The moment of revelation approaches. Craig swept his hand under the divider several times, to which the officer responded with holding his police ID down on the floor so Craig could see it.

After the inevitable “No!” a couple of times, Craig was arrested and taken to the
AirportPoliceOperationsCenter to be interviewed. According to the police report. At one point during the interview, Craig handed the plainclothes sergeant who arrested him a business card that identified him as a U.S. Senator and said,“What do you think about that?” Sadly, the report did not volunteer what they thought of that, though I have a few thoughts. Amnesia is rampant in politics this year, and in the recorded interview after his arrest, Craig “either disagreed with me or “didn’t recall” the events as they happened said Karsnia.He pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct, and informed the Spokane Spokesman Review that the charge as completely ridiculous saying the allegations had “no basis in fact.” Methinks he protests too much, but he does have our good old fashioned family values to protect.
.click here for more details Rollcall.com


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North Carolina Grandma's Pot Plant and the War On Drugs

Pictured are marchers in London from the Million Marijuana March .

Dateline: Drug Central, Betty’s Yard, Guilford County, North Carolina.


Here is but one typical story, which made the news this week. There are no action scenes. You won’t read of a Scar face-like character diving into a mountain of cocaine. Meet 71 year old Betty Holt Walker, the desperado grandmother who was arrested and faces charges of manufacturing marijuana and felony possession of marijuana.The long arm of the law in the form of a sheriff’s deputy saw the plant as he drove past her home earlier in the month.

The single plant was chest-high. Betty said she’d found the first plant in her garden and repotted it. She stated it was a special plant to keep animals out of her yard. I get the impression she wasn’t trying to hide it, unless the lawn in her front yard is chest high. This warranted an investigation. It was found that there were five smaller plants behind a shed, as well as marijuana stems and seeds, and a water bong made from a soda bottle inside of the house. What to you bet that Betty Walker spends more time in jail than Lindsay Lohan’s 82 hours, and in a federal prison at that? Oh - It was added that a daughter who lives in the home was unaware of the plants and not charged. Make what you will of that. To read more of Betty's story click here AP News 8/23/08

For a good read, see what former detectives and police who spent countless years trying to enforce this fruitless and expensive war have to say about it on the LEAP website. Here is but a snippet of the tone of their feelings concerning this idiocy.


COPS SAY LEGALIZE DRUGS! Ask us why!

After nearly four decades of fueling the U.S. policy of a war on drugs with over a trillion tax dollars and 37 million arrests for nonviolent drug offenses, our confined population has quadrupled making building prisons the fastest growing industry in the United States. More than 2.2 million of our citizens are currently incarcerated and every year we arrest an additional 1.9 million more guaranteeing those prisons will be bursting at their seams. Every year we choose to continue this war will cost U.S. taxpayers another 69 billion dollars. Despite all the lives we have destroyed and all the money so ill spent, today illicit drugs are cheaper, more potent, and far easier to get than they were 35 years ago at the beginning of the war on drugs. Meanwhile, people continue dying in our streets while drug barons and terrorists continue to grow richer than ever before. We would suggest that this scenario must be the very definition of a failed public policy. This madness must cease! To Read LEAP
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Bush, Rove and Gonzales to defoliate West Texas


Dumbass, Texas
- With the President already at work in Crawford removing what greenery he can find, the added benefit of Karl Rove and Roberto Gonzales helping with the chore could mean there may be nothing green left West of the Brazos by months' end. It may seem improbable to some that just three men with chainsaws could defoliate half of Texas, but one must consider not only the "can-do" spirit of the trio who no longer have anything better to do, but that West Texas only has only 15 trees and a two dozen bushes to begin with. Though Rove has been somewhat lackadaisical in shutting up long enough to get any work done. Gonzales without even a change of clothes jumped right in saying he has always had an affinity for yard work. While Roberto strapped on a 5hp leaf blower, the President reflected upon Ronald Reagan's time at his ranch chopping wood saying he would have a similar historic legacy, something the people could relate too, a "do something" President.

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Ted Nugent - As bad as it gets


From the happy crowd it seems the audience now goes to Nugent concerts for the guns rather than the music. Ted wants Governor Swarchenegger, Barbra Boxer, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton to shove the machine guns he is waving around into their mouths. He's a good ole Texas boy. Well since he was thrown out of Michigan anyway. Sometimes I think Grover Norquist is the smelliest pile I seen since I took Moby Dick for a walkee. Other moments I believe it's Ann Coulter, Charlie Manson or Newt Gingrich. But whenever Nugent comes to my attention all bets are off. Speaking of bets, how about a much needed event of the decade? Ted Nugent versus Michael Vick. To the death. And shoot the winner.

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Jon Stewart with Rob Riggle in Baghdad

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Rob Riggle reports from Baghdad. Like a good Texas boy, Rob gets into THE GUNS!

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Seen These Two Cruisin'? WA Ferry Terrorist Suspects

Attention has been brought back to the suspected terrorists on the Seattle ferries, and we have a suspicious ferry employee to thank. We’re fortunate nothing has happened YET (knock wood for the suspicious).
I recall an interview with actor James Woods. In a world where the numbers 9 -11 were just another date, he was taking a commercial flight just before that fateful day. One to mind his own business, he couldn’t help but notice some Middle Eastern type men who were peculiar enough in behavior to catch his notice. They were taking photos of things tourists don’t, the seats and exit doors, as well as taking measurements. He phoned the FBI who weren’t interested. He remarked that the FBI were in his driveway when he reached out to fetch the morning paper on 9/11 .
Why does this come to mind? These are the exact same actions taken by the guys pictured here and others over the years on the WA state ferries, and noted by many passengers, though no discernible increase in surveillance by law enforcement has been seen.The two you see in the photo are the same who had their photo taken by a ferry employee, and published August fourth. The pair had been observed riding at least six different ferry routes recently. While cruising, they snapped photos for the folks back home of the ferry doorways, they also expressed an interest in each of the ferries, going to parts of the boats normally off limits to the public, and expressing interest in the operation of the boats. Newsflash! The FBI sees a pattern with this recent photogenic pair! It is also the only photo they have of any suspects. They’ve offered no recent figures, but by 2004, the FBI had 157 reports of suspicious incidents. It was stated that terrorists were conducting “pre-operational planning for an attack”. The WA ferry system is considered to be one of the two most likely maritime targets. Not surprisingly, the two men haven’t been spotted since the publication of their photo.
On the heels of this reportage came a great deal of excitement. A suspicious package was reported to be hidden in the restroom of the ferry The Puyallup (pyoo-al-up). The package later deemed harmless,. I still cannot help but wonder if after years of careful planning, and so many “suspicious incidents”, perhaps they’re fine tuning a bit? If nothing else, you are now one of the few people on the planet who knows how to pronounce Puyallup.Read more here  Seattle Times 8/22/07

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John Stewart and Barack Obama do well together

 

 

 

Though this is not especially funny, it sure gives us a quick view of Barack Obama in a relaxed environment rather than what he says is the dishonesty of the stump.

 

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Captain Dan the Demonic Dwarf gets Penis Stuck in a Hoover

Captain Dan the Demonic DwarfHaving a bad day? Take heart, at least you (most likely) don’t have the same problem that “Captain Dan the Demonic Dwarf", (Daniel Blackner) faced recently.

Feeling rushed before a performance at the Circus of Horrors in Edinburgh, a festival not surprisingly known for strange and odd performances, the British performer was preparing for the highpoint of his act when he had an equipment malfunction.

Yes, friends and neighbors the highpoint is when Dan appears on stage with a vacuum attached to his member by a special device. Minutes before this act of daring do, the attachment broke. Not wanting to disappoint the fans, Blackner found some strong glue. The glue plainly stated that it required 20 minutes to set, Dan gave it 20 seconds. The lack of 19 minutes and 40 seconds made all of the difference. Soon Dan the D. found himself with his – naughty bits firmly glued to the attachment onstage. Demonic or not, Dan stated “I just wished the ground could swallow me up” He and his Hoover were rushed to the hospital. “Luckily they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short-lived.”

He’s fortunate. At our local hospital, I’m certain he and his Hoover would have spent at least four hours in the waiting room, dodging sneezes, coughs and surreptitious looks from the others in waiting. Chalk up one more point for socialized medicine. Agence France Presse
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The Republican Mind

Recently I received an email joke from a republican friend. Yes, and I admit it upfront, I have a few. Republican friends that is. Basically the joke was about Hillary and Fred Thompson and their encounter with a homeless person on the street.

In the joke Fred gives the homeless person $20. and his business card to come see him, supposedly to seek employment. Upon meeting another homeless person, Hillary, apparently learning from this compassionate conservative gesture, takes another $20, only out of Fred's pocket, and gives the homeless person directions to the welfare office while keeping fifteen of the twenty bucks for expenses.

This is how the republican mind works, like my friend thought I would find this humorous while making a strong conservative point.

Normally I would ignore this shit for the sake of friendship, but this was so blatantly outrageous, so insulting and upside down to reality, that I decided to respond. Below is my response to him, and I even used his real name, Ron.

Poor joke Ron.

Fred's running for the party that created record deficits, attacked and occupied a third world country that was no threat to us at the cost of hundreds of billions of dollars and untold tens of thousands of lives, not to mention alienating every other country on the planet.

Hillary's running for the party that balanced the budget, created a record surplus, and presided over this peace and prosperity for 8 uninterrupted years.

Bill can walk down any street on earth and will be mobbed with affection. Bush can't even vacation on his ranch in Crawford without protestors.

But....Bill lied about a blow job and every right wing nut, most of them religiously insane, have been in a frenzy screaming, "Clinton bad," every time Bush and his crew create another fuck up. Is this a good time to bring up the fact that every sex scandal the past six and a half years has involved republicans and church authorities?

No one gets killed lying about sex, but as we're finding out, way too many people lose their lives when we get lied into war.

Serious and intelligent conservatives are converting from the "dark side," and moving over. (check out Kansas). As a recovering conservative, I did. We all have choices and can make up our own minds, but the choice is not whether America is the greatest nation, the choice is are we doing the best we can. Clearly we're not because of prejudices and propaganda created by Fox News, Rush, Hannity, and the rest of the right wing noise machine.

You may not appreciate what I'm writing, and that's okay, but basically here's what happened; Rove and Bush gamed the political system to win elections. Where they went wrong is they didn't know how to govern shit. Katrina is a quick example. Meanwhile, Cheney and the rest of the neo-cons took advantage of 9/11 to push their PNAC, Project for a new American Century, ideological agenda, to imperially control the world as the sole-surviving super power.

Obviously this isn't going to happen and what's ironic is that America started out as a nation fighting against imperial control to escape a previous King George.

Ron, history does indeed repeat itself.

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Governor Perry Fixes Texas Education!

Dumbass, Texas - Because we have replaced paying taxes with afternoon shoots down here in Dumbass, we have the honor of being America’s bottom dawg in graduation rates. We are not at the very bottom in most everything else thanks to Mississippi. A few issues have arisen lately with the onset of the new school year.

First a reminder that though our state legislature has not found any way to fund education since it began working on it in the Governor Bush years, a few weeks ago they did take the time to force the words “Under God” into our morning Texas Pledge public school children are forced to recite. Though that just about fixed everything there are still a few bumps in the road.

Hundreds of schools in and around Houston are failing the No Child Left Behind criteria invoking the process of parents being able to send their kids to nearby, barely more successful schools. Trouble is there are no nearby schools that want or will take the little dumbasses. So much for that crap.

We just had our Texas NO TAX Back to School Weekend! Keeping in mind this is Dumbass, it doesn’t cover school supplies, you know, pencils, paper, notebooks and such. It is all about the minions overrunning each other at Walmart to buy Reeboks and backpacks. I am sure by next year it will include both Smith and Wesson.

With no state income tax or there ever being such an alien concept down here along with the constant reduction of property taxes, Governor Perry this week found the answer to all our woes.

He signed an executive order to allow children in public schools to proselytize to each other. This came about because the parents of an elementary girl who was handing out Evangelical Valentines sued the school who frowned upon the idea. So now with student distribution of Watchtowers, the Book of Mormon and 700 Club literature - and I assume GOD IS GREAT call to prayers 5 times a day in our schools, Governor Perry has once and for all fixed the Texas Education system. Here Hear! God is indeed Great!

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Pit Bulls Break Into Home - Maul, Nearly Kill Woman

Here in the dumbass bog lands, a timely story just crossed my desk. In the midst of the Vick bru-ha-ha about fighting dogs, this story highlights just how incredibly irresponsible and moronic some of the owners of these dogs are. Can’t afford a Corvette, get a macho dog and make it mean. It will serve as a machismo booster.

A woman on the key peninsula, a part of Pierce County, WA had a horrifying experience. Asleep in bed, she awoke being mauled savagely It wasn’t an armed intruder, or homicidal maniac. She was being attacked by two pit bulls on the loose. .They had gained access to her home through the pet door, killed a Jack Russell Terrier belonging to a neighbor, which had likely heard the noise and come over to investigate, they then tore into the sleeping woman. Pierce County Sheriff Spokesman Ed Troyer said “It’s probably the worst mauling our guys have ever seen.” The woman attempted to shoot the dogs, then broke away and locked herself in her car, where she called 911. Firefighters arrived within minutes, animal control in a couple of hours.

 She was transported by ambulance to a hospital where she’s still being treated. Officers “had to pepper spray and fight the dogs until they were detained, we almost had to shoot them on site” said Troyer. They’re at the humane society where they’ll probably be destroyed anyway, at the time of this article they hadn’t spoken to the owners yet. I for one, would certainly love to know what the owners would have to say for the actions of their dogs – and themselves, and why they felt at liberty to let them roam. The dogs will be destroyed, while not an advocate of capitol punishment, it almost seems reasonable in the case of these dog owners as well. What could be a reasonable punishment or retribution for this cruelty and carelessness?http://www.thenewstribune.com/tacoma/24hour/nation/story/138339.html   8/21/07 The News Tribune

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LSD, Andrew Feldmar and US Customs Gone Crazy

 

 


A Canadian Professor who wrote a scientific paper about his four experiences with LSD in the early 1970's was stopped at the border by US Customs, Googled as the author, detained and told to get out of America and stay out.

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Bush, Bushcutter in Chief

Crawford, Tx -- As the dog days of summer inch along, preznit Bush is doing his August thang, that being whacking away at the evil brush that clogs up the tricycle trail on his 1,600 acre ranch in Crawford. Frankly, most of the world is thankful he spends so much of his time far away from the red button in Washington.

Yes, he's on his way to becoming the holiday king of presidents, but ponder all the additional damage he could have wrecked on the world if he actually had a work ethic, which leads us to scary thought #1: does this mean the Dick can slither out of his undisclosed location to plot more neocon havoc unchecked? And scary thought #2, well; scary thought #1 should be enough to scare a room-clearing fart right back up your asshole.

It's one thing to ignore PDB's, (Presidential Daily Briefs), as Bush did on August 6, 2001, dismissing the threat of bin Laden attacking the United States. It's quite another to leave the world's greatest chicken hawk, five deferment Dick, in charge of the red button. You just know he has a pressing need to compensate for something, and more than likely it's Dick's dick.

So, here we are, August 2007, and what have we learned after nearly six years since 9/11? We’ve learned this crew might be able to Diebold and dirty trick their way to election victory, but that they can’t govern shit. You simply can’t keep up with the daily scandals, whether about incompetence or money. And why is it every sex scandal involves a republican? The moral values party. Yeah, right.

Clearly the Bush II administration is up for worst of all time, and in the process has lowered the political discourse bar deeper than a sewer pipe. Even that fat rat Karl Rove has jumped ship, suggesting there are more scandals to come. Uniter not a divider, blow me.

If you ask a republican to name one good thing this administration has accomplished, all you'll get is a lot of jumping up and down in full scream mode, with veins bursting all over the place and some serious hyperventilating thrown in for good measure, but you’ll still never get a straight answer.

Truth is, I actually feel safer with Bush clearing a tricycle trail in Crawford, where only he’s at risk. Better than the alternative trail he’s blazing in Washington, when the whole world ends up at risk.

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Drums Across Harlem and the Wankers

The real government intrusion we suffer does not come from Washington, it comes from city councils, local police and home owner associations.

In 1969 a permit was issued to allow the people of Harlem to use Marcus Garvey Park on Saturday evenings to get together and play to their roots with African Drums. This has been a unique and popular part of Harlem culture for 40 years. Many residents participate but most of The Drummers are now old men dressed in colorful African garb who believe it to be a spiritual event. Enter the Yuppies.

Five years ago President Clinton chose Harlem for his office which overlooks Marcus Garvey Park. This kindly move began a small upscale renaissance of new condos and residents in Harlem who don’t like drums. To the pain of many Harlemites, The Drummers voluntarily moved from the edge of the park deeper inside so passersby could no longer enjoy or partake in the Saturday evening cultural event. The move was not good enough for the new residents who still loudly complain of their quality of life and want it stopped all together.

This is one of those issues that grabs me by the balls and squeezes so hard I have to squeeze back. I can hear Queen’s big hit in the background, “I Want it All and I Want it Now!” We can no longer throw a stick for a dog in America. I have people down here in Dumbass call the police if they see me take my dog from the house to the car without a leash. There is no longer any live music on the lake Sunday afternoons because these anal retentive dumbasses have successfully canvassed the neighborhoods with petitions to stop it. And to top it off I recently read that the biggest problem in America is we are too damn fat.

Before we make all our trivial complaints perhaps we should remember that today there is a woman in Iraq in a black burka carrying a black garbage bag searching the rubble that was once her home for the heads of her children.

I refuse to quietly go into the night regarding these frivolous sniveling whiners and complainers nor will I give their side of the story the time of day. I already know their side of the story first hand. In all these cases it’s a matter of zero tolerance regarding some pettiness they may have to suffer for a very short time. Hell, they even call the police when a boombox car goes by at 30mph, that’s a 10 second annoyance.

On my lake or In Harlem it's one evening a week during a few Summer months. The leash is not even about dog poop but potential dog poop. And in Harlem it is not about the quality of life but how as a society we have fallen so far inward that we have become a nation of spoiled fat little wankers in need of a big kick in the ass. As Jesus said, "Don’t be a wanker." 34:564

There is a solution. All Wankers will be picked up with the clothes on their backs, given a bag of salt pork and a bottle of water, taken to the airport to be flown over the Southern Sudan and thrown out the door with only a parachute and a return airline ticket non negotiable for one year. A hard slap of reality is needed before we all evolve into self absorbed blubber laden slugs.

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Bill O'Reilly, Bush's new "Shitweed"?

shit weedCall me naive. Call me sheltered. Call me confused. I suppose it was to be expected. I mean, it came from the most ironic of sources.

I only recently learned Bill O’Reilly is peddling “No Bloviating” T-shirts. That’s like Michael Vick wearing an “I LUV my pit bull” T-shirt.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines bloviate as: to speak or write verbosely and windily. That, along with solipsistic and specious, pretty much define Bill’s entire on-air persona. And possibly his all-round persona.

He must be chuckling to himself believing we actually think he is NOT a windbag, and he won’t allow any windbagging on his program.

There is an opening at the White House for a duplicitous evil genius. I think that would be the ultimate irony and bring the report on Bill O’Reilly full circle in the irony department. Bill having a job with “genius” in the description and a new Bush nickname of "Shitweed."

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God, Bush, on garage floor

Marsborough, AL -- Darvin Lundquist, local electrician and town council member, recently sold the floor of his garage for $20,000.

Lundquist, 40, of Marsborough, said he noticed an odd shaped oil stain on his garage floor last week, when he was leaving to go to a volunteer fire department practice burn of a Wiccan church.

“It was the darndest thing,” said Lundquist. “There was a stain on the floor that looked exactly like God looking over President Bush’s shoulder. I could tell it was God, because he was talking to the President.  I immediately took some Polaroids to show the guys at the department.”

Lundquist then placed the floor up for auction on e-bay. Friends helped him get the item ready for the auction. It was a son-of-a-gun to get it out of the ground and onto the truck, but with the help of my neighbors and some of the other volunteer firemen we did it!”

The removal of the concrete slab and truck rental ran approximately $30,000, which Lundquist had to pay. His neighbors did not donate anything toward the expense.

“It’s OK with me,” said Lundquist, “I’m just happy that lots of people will get to see it now.” The slab was purchased by the congregation of a local Pentecostal church.

Lundquist said he plans on recouping his expense money by playing the “big” dollar slots at the nearby Choctaw Casino.

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Video, Politics, humor, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Bill Maher, SNL & commentary by Newscat & Rack Jite
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