KicK! Making Politics Fun

Parade Magazine has the largest circulation of any print source in America! I assume that means it is also the most reliable source of information. Just ask Marilyn or Howard Huge! So this Sunday they ran a story called Who Gets Sick In America—And Why

It gives advice on what to do concerning your health if you are Black, Hispanic, Asian, American Indian or live in the middle of nowhere where so much voting goes on. Here is the advice on the latter:

If you’re Living in rural America You are more likely to:

Have difficulty accessing good medical care
Abuse alcohol, starting at a young age
Use methamphetamine (an addictive and harmful drug)
Die from accidents        
Commit suicide

What you can do:

Find good primary care at a regional medical center; avoid alcohol and drugs; seek out a mental-health professional if you feel depressed.

So it seems these heavy voters from what Sarah Palin calls the REAL AMERICA started drinking at about 12, moved up to crank as teenagers, and if they are not killed driving on dark country roads, falling into (or out of) bathtubs or jacking up their trailers, they shoot themselves.

What the story misses is that according to Kensey, about 40% of these Republican voting rural Real Americans also have sex with animals. Where do you think Swine Flu, Chicken Flu and Horse Flu come from? The article also missed snake handling, combines and monster trucks. And you know, if it were not for REAL AMERICANS in REAL AMERICA I wouldn't feel as smart as I do.

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Religious Right Evangelical Christian Governor Mark Sanford refuses to resign because King David from the Old Testicles did not give up in the face of adversity. Jon Stewart is angry that this Goy is now playing both King and Jew!

Also Rush Limbaugh yesterday blamed President Obama for Mark Sanford committing adultery. Limbaugh declared that Sanford, a good conservative Christian Republican realized that Obama is sending this nation into oblivion so what the hell, he may was well commit adultery.

Or course the trouble with that is that Sanford committed adultery over a year ago realizing that there was little reason to live what with George W. Bush as President. 20 million people listen to that fat ugly pig of a man each week?  Wow... I would guess his listeners must have picked up his morphine habit...

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It's sweet, it's Wall Street and it's OH-SO Republican!

Without having to give any handjobs himself, Bernie Madoff can sell prison handjobs, package them as derivatives, giving all prisoners unlimited handjobs - sometime in the future!

So sweet... Wall Street behind bars! So Republican it makes one want to spend a bit of tax money to issue American flag lapel pins to every prisoner in America, and Cuba...

Lapels... hmmm... Collars... Hmmm... American Flag Flip-Flop Pins!

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Gold:Joe the Whatever. He's welcome to stuff a sock in it, just from my viewpoint. He's bringing home the Gold tonight after quite a performance! For instance, we learned that he's mastered time travel. Wait until you learn of the fight our Founding Fathers had with the recurring boogeyman philosophies, Communism and Socialism, fascinating! That was fun and games compared to the quotation printed in the Wausau Daily Herald. In this time of divisiveness, hate crimes, and mob mentality it is beyond irresponsible and possibly would make him liable for any violence done to Sen. Chris Dodd D-Conn, after being quoted as asking "Why hasn't he been strung up?" Watch Worst Persons in the World as Keith discusses the ever more alarming and frequent calls to violence. I'm sorry, and at the risk of being called unfair and not balanced, this movement is taking place on the right.

Silver: Rush Limbaugh: Determined to keep Sonia Sotomayor from the Supreme Court, he proves that "The New Math" was a mistake. After the familar tennis match - like battle of the fire-fighters in New Haven, the only case in her entire career that he and his ilk have twisted to disparage her as a racist. He now arrives at some astonishing figures!

Bronze: Atheist Bus Sign Donor: It is difficult to disparage his message, and as people say for everything from sexual orientation to race, "some of my best friends are.....in this case Athiests." Someone has donated ten thousand dollars for bus signs, in hopes that Athiests won't have to feel "in the closet" anymore. They proclaim, "You don't need to believe in God to be a moral or ethical person." Good hey? Now, recall the bit about being "in the closet." President of the NYCAthiests.org, Ken Bronstein, has no idea who the donor is! See Worst Persons in the World, who rarely, but sometimes - have the best intentions. Facebook | Digg | Reddit | Stumble | Buzz it! | Email Article |

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The self-righteous party of God, Family, and masters of combining them with politics has decided that if the little woman will forgive Sanford, then shucks, they will too! As mentioned previously, we wouldn't care, if not for their intrusion of hypocritical religious beliefs into our government, and hair trigger quickness to point out the piece of lint in their neighbor's eye while carrying a two by four around in theirs...to brutally paraphrase the Bible.

The very astute and delightful Rev. Welton Gaddy joins Keith in discussing and analyzing the Sanford situation, more outrageous history of it, and other absolutely unreal comments from within the Republican party, it's a don't miss! Facebook | Digg | Reddit | Stumble | Buzz it! | Email Article |

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Police desk, Warren, Ohio. Police thought they were questioning only the woman in the strapless green dress, which gave every indication that it might not stay up by itself. Imagine their astonishment when a furry baby squirrel popped right out from between her bosoms to say hello!

What are they doing over there? In a Japanese airport, a cupcake is seen strolling through the busy terminal, he is through some twist, known only to the advertising agency - a walking advertisement for the airport personnel's new vehicles, which could easily be mistaken for a cracked egg, used to make the batch of cupcakes. Facebook | Digg | Reddit | Stumble | Buzz it! | Email Article |

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"And while the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man that gathered sticks upon the Sabbath day. And they that found him gathering sticks brought him unto Moses and Aaron, and unto all the congregation. And they put him in ward, because it was not declared what should be done to him. And the Lord said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: All the congregation shall stone him with stones without the camp. And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the Lord commanded Moses." Numbers 15:32 - 15:36

Quite often in our oh-so American parochial world we forget that there is almost as much religious silliness going on outside our borders as there is here. Such is the case with the recent riots in Jerusalem in response to the city opening a parking lot where people can park on Shabbat. 28 demonstrators were arrested and 6 were injured, one seriously as they threw poop filled diapers at police. It seems Orthodox Jews save up on poop filled diapers. Orthodox Jews riot for Shabbat.

Please keep in mind that this is not like eating a shrimp cocktail or having a homosexual relationship in which one is denied life after death, but where God explicitly calls for real world vigilante public execution of the people, by the people and for the people.

So with that said, the first thing that comes to mind is the restraint this group of Old Testament believers showed by not stoning to death anyone (everyone) who works on Saturday (or parks their car on Saturday or may turn on the stove to cook a chicken on Saturday)... AS GOD COMMANDS! So let's give them that! Hear! Here!

This came to me because of a series of photographs I happened upon. When we see Muslims doing what God Commands it's seldom funny what with all the body parts flying through the air, but gosh, this is just too funny to pass up. This silly story in pictures at gigapica

More on Religion Truthiness on Kick!

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Pentecostal Assemblies of God Pastor Ken Pagano got 50 more people to come to his church [200 rather than the regular 150] by declaring Bring your Gun to Church Day! Ky. pastor welcomes guns, their owners to church

None of the two hundred participants actually got to shoot anyone, but they had fun making a statement no matter. God Loves Guns.

There are many aspects of this to consider before casting judgement:

"Pentecostal" is a code word for highly educated people of Southern Heritage.

"Assemblies of God" means the same as above but with Master or Doctorate degrees who live in gated communities.

"Kentucky" is famous for...  Bourbon whiskey and Blue Grass (which is better than Panama Red or Acapulco gold I have heard).

We can assume that the EXTRA 50 people showing up came to support Affirmative Action easing up on handing out Green cards and supporting President Obama.

But most importantly, we know God has traded in his stones for a .44 "Make My Day" Magnum to deal with those who work on Sunday, women who commit adultery and those having a ham sandwich, shrimp cocktail or putting certain things in places they do not belong. BANG! BANG!

And not to forget Jesus with his low profile 9mm who so famously quipped, "If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other, smile and shoot them through the heart, 9 times."

Here in Texas we are awaiting for the Bring Your Gun to Kindergarten Day...  

America was founded upon God and Guns!  I never knew that! All this time I thought it America was founded on Reason and Freedom! But then what do I know I am neither Pentecostal or in the NRA. Which makes me an unREAL AMERICAN.

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It has everything reality TV show lovers want to see, sex, teen age pregnancy, vanishing governors, revealed passionate love affairs, quickies in bath room stalls, back-biting and hypocrisy...and that's just for starters. We even have an exorcism! Beat this Real Housewives of New Jersey! Facebook | Digg | Reddit | Stumble | Buzz it! | Email Article |

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Gold: The Coultergeist. When Keith said she was no Dorothy Parker, he was assuming that she knows who Parker was. Undaunted, Coulter feels she is a wit and social commentator. Here we pause not only to consider the source, but the audience who apparently listens to her. It leads to the frightening conclusion that she's cast her net wide into the realms of the not-so-bright-right, who might take her seriously! Today she 'jokes' about the murder of women's health practitioner Dr. George Tiller! Watch Worst Person in the World, to see how her comment compares to a David Letterman joke, which not only didn't advocate rape, but certainly didn't incite murder. Coulter will never answer for her dangerous remark, though Letterman did, and thanks to people in the far right has been demonized, had sponsorships pulled, and is aware I'm sure that it was a red herring. It's a pity there is no one for whom Annie need answer for her dangerous, unthinking snarks.

Silver: Mort Kondracke of weekly standard. Mort is holding a wake of sorts for the imaginary Republicans who have fallen due to extra-marital affairs, most recently in the case of the vanishing of Mark Sanford. The problem is, that despite his unsubstantiated view that the Democrats are more tolerant of that sort of thing, many have fallen from grace and public view, while Ensign, Vitter, and Gingrich are still there with the admitted score of six affairs and four divorces between them! Poor Mort selected the wrong party to pity.

Bronze: Rep. Cynthia Davis R- Mo. This makes the third day in a row for Davis on the Worst Persons list. You may have seen the more extensive comments from Davis in her features here Weds and Thurs. Davis, who by some glitch is the Chairperson of the Child and Family Sub-Committee. It was much like nominating Dick Cheney to head the Gun Safety Movement. One of her most quoted phrases is that "Hunger is a great motivator." How this applies to children too young to hold jobs doesn't concern her. She has all manner of delusional reasons why it is harmful to continue to provide a breakfast and lunch for the children who really need it, even when school is not in session. One of her claims is that the free lunch program tears families away from their Ozzie and Harriet dinner tables, laden high with food and good family fun.

State House Democratic leader Paul LaVota took exception with her claim that no one had the right to criticize her, and rightly named her statements on the subject as Dickensian. LaVota further stated that she should be removed from her chair. To think, he was the first and only one to speak up!

The real kicker comes from an editorial from the Kansas City Star you will not want to miss! Fighting the urge to let the cat fully out of the bag, I can only hint at what the first hand account writer reported of Davis upon observing her at several committee and lobbyist dinners before I zip it. Let's just say say 'buffet table' and 'large purse'! I wonder if the spoils are served 'round the Davis kitchen table? Facebook | Digg | Reddit | Stumble | Buzz it! | Email Article |

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