President Bush finally Gets it up the Ass

While I'm reluctant to give Bush credit for anything, the White House has to be commended for making public his recent colonoscopy. Oh sure, it's standard procedure for the White House to publicly disclose any medical procedures to the prez or veep, but it's also an important public service to bring preventative health care issues to the public's attention, if you're lucky enough that is to be able to afford health insurance.

When I sat down to pen this piece, it was everything I could do to avoid the obvious finger up his ass jokes, but being approximately Bush's age, (not the scary moment), and all too familiar with the "snap of the glove," moment during my yearly check up, felt it more important to just let this go for what it was, an important reminder that many ailments can be prevented or at least corrected if diagnosed early.

No, the scary moment came when it was announced that Snarl Cheney would be the de facto president for at least two hours, and that was if everything went well for Bush. Not that I'm going to miss Bush for a couple of hours, but Cheney in charge, officially, how much scarier can it get?

My Pentagon source, DeepAss, informed me that Snarl wasted no time in taking advantage of the situation and simultaneously declared war on Iran, North Korea and Canada. When told he needed the approval of Congress, my source informs me he said, and I quote, "well then we'll attack Congress first."

Fortunately, two hours is not a long period of time, and our Texas cowboy came out of sedation and the operation successfully to ride his favorite horse, a Raleigh ten speed, back to the White House. Order was restored and the attack on Canada was called off. Hey, those guys up there in Canuck land know how to throw beer bottles and swing hockey sticks.

At the time of publication, DeepAss wasn't able to confirm if the attacks on Iran, North Korea and Congress were still in play, but he did promise to get back to me. I told him not to bother, who needs any scarier moments? 

Kick! First [8am cst) with last night's best of Colbert and Stewart

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