Cheney Fires Bush

Washington, DC -- In a not too unexpected move, Snarl fired Smirk yesterday. The move was announced at Cheney's first ever press conference, where reporters were not allowed cameras or recorders, and had to sign an oath that they would not report the announcement for national security reasons. We only found out about this because one unnamed White House correspondent, who is right-handed, signed the oath with his left hand. We say this announcement was not unexpected, because most of us were aware that Cheney was becoming increasingly agitated with Bush's straying from White House talking points, like suggesting Saddam Hussein had nothing to do with 9/11.

Cheney, in a prepared statement said, "look, the guy's going on his regular vacation from August through December anyway, and have you any idea how many crayons he can go through in five months? We'll save dollars."

Agreeing to accept a few questions, he told one reporter that the reason the Vice-President could fire the President had already been exposed in the Washington Post article naming him as the real power in the White House. When pressed as to why Bush would accept this, Cheney asserted, "he's the one who said the Constitution is only a damn piece of paper, besides, I told him 70% of the population just wants him to go home and take the rest of his term off. I told him he'll still get paid and could go back to the ranch to drive his pickup around and cut stuff. No more reading reports, no more getting ridiculed for his public appearances. He seemed quite upbeat to be in his last throes."

Cheney was then asked if the public would accept this and without hesitation he quipped, "of course, they'll be sticking flowers up my nostrils. I have my finger on the pulse of the American public and know they want a strong leader, a King if you will, King Dick."

Asked what Bush's legacy would be he responded, "George was a good guy to go have a non-alcoholic beer with."

King Dick then excused himself from the press conference announcing he had more pressing matters to attend to, like the plans to invade Iran, North Korea, New York State and Canada.