Ann Coulter to adopt for spare body parts

South Beach - Pundit Ann Coulter announced Wednesday that she would be traveling to Africa or Asia to adopt a child. Ms. Coulter was not specific as to which Asian country she would choose in her search.

Coulter said in a prepared press release that since she is pretty much “biologically both mother and father,” she might as well see if she can get on the "parental bandwagon."
 
She indicated Egypt might be a good place to start, citing the country’s history of female castration. When asked if she might be emulating other celebrities such as Madonna and Angelina Jolie, who have also gone abroad to adopt children with the expressed reason as providing a better life for the child, Coulter responded, “Heavens no! I want to keep the child for spare parts. I’m not getting any younger! Besides, it was either this or get back into dog fighting!” 

Coulter has been accused in the past, by other pundits, of being a hermaphrodite, among other things.

When asked why she did not just have a child with her South Beach Gay boyfriend, Matt Drudge she deferred the question to her press agent who answered, "The last thing Ann would want is to give birth to a child who would spend its life running from an angry crowd of torch and pitchfork wielding townfolk.