Mitt Romney’s Marauders claim early victory

All White County, Iowa - Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney claimed victory in Saturday’s Iowa Republican Straw poll, citing the deployment of his sons in strategic positions as the key to victory.

"I placed my crack shock troops in just the right places, tactically, and that turned the tide of battle,” said Romney, known affectionately to his troops as “The Old Man.”

Romney’s sons, who maintain the daunting “Five Brothers” blog as well as serve as the advance guard for Romney’s conventional army of electioneers, were championed by their father last week for their decisions not to serve in the US military. He pointed out: "One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping me get elected because they think I'd be a great president."

In civilian life the five Romney sons work as real estate developers, ad execs, and sports marketers. They say the transition to the rigorous life in the campaign army of their father has been rugged, but add that they have “truly risen to the task. “ The sons recently traveled the length and breadth of Iowa in a Winnebago RV. Said middle son Josh, “anybody that has seen “Das Boot” can relate to how arduous that kind of duty can be. “ Josh pointed out that “after eating in only 2-star restaurants and trying to sleep on bumpy roads starts to affect you psychologically.”

The senior Romney, who did not serve during the Vietnam War, heaped praise on his sons as “having the kind of real fortitude and downright courage expected by the nation’s armed forces.” He also lauded his sons for having the guts to serve in the same kind of vicious actions seen by President Bush while he served in the Alabama Air National Guard.