Whose Urine Is It Anyway?

Only in this era and country could someone make headlines by attempting to retrieve his own urine. It’s his, he made it, why can’t he have it? Oh yes, it was taken by the probation department, so it truly isn’t his anymore. It’s a potential weapon to send him to jail if he’s ingested anything unapproved. Twenty three year old Joseph Klinkman is on probation for possession of a controlled substance. I believe this was in the paper as a “stupid criminal” article. I just can’t fetch up a yuk, I’m sorry dear readers. I’d venture to guess that if you live in a town of over 60 people, you probably have one or more programs like the PACT program our hero was attending. They’re arms of the probation department, and while they claim to provide services to witnesses, offenders, and ex offenders, truly what they do at great expense, is collect urine.

First time donor that afternoon, Klinkman panicked when he realized that they would check for substances other than the one he was already in trouble for possessing. In a hasty move to get rid of the evidence, lest he go to jail, he broke into the PACT office and removed the urine sample he’d given as well as that of a friend.

His foibles were the yuk of the day. Chief Probation Officer Neal Harmon said he had never seen such a theft in his 37 years on the job. “Generally people don’t have a desire to retrieve their own urine” he said. Cue laugh track here. I might add that generally people do not have a desire to collect urine from other people.

If you’re not among those who are having your pee checked, I’d venture a guess that you’re either self employed, a CEO, or just darned lucky. Due to the failed war on drugs, now the war on patients and doctors, as well as the jobs created from programs like PACT, pee collection is the new growth industry as Rackjite has stated. It’s not just for drug abusers and criminals anymore, though the right to have your own bodily fluids kept private could be debated even under those circumstances. Do you have a problem with giving a sample when seeing a doctor for certain medications, or applying for a new job, presuming you’re not an airline pilot or neurosurgeon?read rest of  Man Charged with stealing urine samples here  AP 8/10/07