Election Night I

Bubba and Me got together down at Mullet’s Bait to watch the election returns. We tipped the cheapest beer on Redneck Bay, mingling with the cheapest people on Redneck Bay. Our first shouting match concerned which channel we would watch.

“Mullet! Put that TV on FOX would ya, and have a beer on me.”

“FOX is out of the question Bubba! Come on.”

“So we have to watch this on the liberal socialist network?”

“Which one is that Bubba, the one owned by General Electric or Westinghouse?”

“The ones with the liberal bias you ninnynat. CNN, ABC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC…”

“Which are all owned by giant conglomerates whose only bias is to sell more Twinkies to more people who don’t need them. Here’s a fair deal, you get to hold the remote but no FOX. Anything else.”

“That’s fair Bubba.” Mullet decided tossing Bubba the remote.

As soon as Bubba had it in hand, FOX! It was only 7pm with only a few returns in and already Brit Hume looked like he was about to shoot himself.

“Bubba! Look at them! Tonight this is not the Right-wing Loon Network, it’s the Depression Network. Look! That guy over by the computer there is crying.”

Bubba finally acquiesced and got into a system of mostly CNN and MSNBC. But as soon as the camera panned in Keith Olbermann on MSNBC, Bubba turned purple and almost pushed the buttons right through the bottom of the remote.

So we spent most of the evening with Wolf, the most boring human being on this Planet, and of course Lou who Bubba adores. Seems the big boys at CNN told Dobbs to take a night off from his rounding up Mexicans before we declare war on Mexico.

“So where’s Okra? I thought she was meeting us here?” Okra was Bubba’s Sister-in-Law who Bubba really didn’t like, but as an evangelical fundamentalist she supported his side in all our arguments. Bubba nodded to the right and from our stools out on the deck we could see her rolling down the pier along side the barely seaworthy shrimp boats stacked out into the channel. Dressed in flannel, with her height barely surpassing her width she looked like some kind of nut. A fuzzy walnut.

George Allen was ahead in Virginia and Bubba was ecstatic.

“My MaCaCa!” Bubba was singing to the old My Sharona song with Okra chiming in from the doorway.

“Not so fast you two. The fun has just begun.” Rack said as Santorium was traling by 20 points. This was a big hit for Okra, he was her man, and who she was already campaigning for as President in 2008. She looked so sad that my liberal compassion and forgiveness won over my common sense.

“It’s still early Okra, he may come through, after all, he has God, Jesus, Bush and Ted Haggerty on his side.”

“Rack, you are Satan always demeaning the best Christians in American. I hope you rot in Hell for it!”

“Nice seeing you again too Okra! ”

Election Night II