Dana Perino announces new "Ops" names

Amid rumors that President Bush "really likes that kind of talk" the Bush White House announced Sunday a new phase of the so-called “Iraq Surge” operation. The White House appears to believe the new measures will increase the likelihood of possible victory in its endeavors in that war-torn country.Newly ordained Press Secretary Dana Perino informed a skeleton White House Press corps over the Labor Day weekend the administration is preparing to reveal a new set of artificial benchmarks, macho catch phrases, and tough-sounding codenames to its operations in an attempt to redeem what little credibility they have left regarding the Bush administration’s endeavors to salvage the situation in the Middle East.

Ms. Perino pointed out that code names in the past such as Calypso Wind, Optic Windmill, Platypus Moon, and the delightful Zodiac Beauchamp are now passé. “We’re going with ideas that have some balls,” Ms. Perino said without as much as a blush. She also hinted they would now be along the lines of “Diamond Cutter" and "Buck Hard-on.” Ms. Perino denied that these codenames are an attempt to squelche any accusations that the administration is losing its potency.

Ms. Perino also chuckled when it was pointed out that VP Dick Cheney was refused Cialis by his physician because “If there is any heart left in there it could kill him.”

In a follow up, the White House also announced they are adjusting their benchmarks to show greater success. “It used to be we didn’t announce any deaths if they occur post-injury in a hospital stateside or en route,” Ms. Perino declared, “from now on we will only count deaths if they are from explosions bigger than roadside bombs.” When pressed for a reason, she would only states “The insurgents have very little artillery.”

Ms. Perino also announced that all pentagon press conferences from now on will be conducted much like the way players are introduced at NBA games. with flashing lights, pyrotechnics, and a heavy reverb on the PA system. “With that, and names like ‘Operation Superbad Muthafukka,’ I don’t see how we can fail."