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The Patraeus Surge Report

Is anyone else confused about General David Petraeus’ Monday report ? He brought lots of graphs and statistics, which TV guys love. They didn’t illustrate much to me, though, and the graphs could have been of the stock market or Dick Cheney’s blood pressure, for all I know. I wonder what they would look like…

Gimme a Head With Hair!

It looks like Osama Bin Laden has signed up with sports greats Keith Hernandez and Walt Frazier. The perennial 9/11 El Qaeda news release shows Bin Laden has taken to darkening his hair and beard. Could El Qaeda be desperate for funding? Or maybe Osama just feels the need to attract girls. Living in a…

God, Bush, on garage floor

Marsborough, AL — Darvin Lundquist, local electrician and town council member, recently sold the floor of his garage for $20,000. Lundquist, 40, of Marsborough, said he noticed an odd shaped oil stain on his garage floor last week, when he was leaving to go to a volunteer fire department practice burn of a Wiccan church.…

Bush plans vacation

West Dumbass Texas – President George W. Bush announced Tuesday that he is planning a summer vacation trip to his ranch in Crawford, Texas. “I’m looking forward to getting’ down there, since Cindy Sheehan won’t be around,” said Bush. Bush said he intends to relax, reprogram his I-Pod, fish for catfish on the property, and…