Wednesday, August 20. 2008

Dr Laura Schlessinger Bible Email

This old Dr Laura Schlessinger email-0-round expresses well the fatal flaw in Religious Fundamentalism and the literal interpretation of the Bible.

It was said to be sent to Dr. Laura in 2000 in response to the conservative talk show host's bigotry and intolerance directed toward gay men and women, contending such bigotry is okay because it's in the Bible! A few years later Schlessinger changed her religion from an Orthodox Jew to a Evangelical Christian. snopes story

Hypocrite Dr Laura - who preaches no sex before marriage, the sanctity of marriage and who rudely attacks callers for not adhering to her intolerant sexual views on these matters - is pictured here in one of many such photographs as a married women who dressing up in black leather to cheat on her husband. This is one of the nicer shots.

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

Posted by Rack Jite in Religious Truthiness at 22:18 Comments (3)

Wednesday, August 20. 2008

Toby Keith Democrat for Obama WTF

Toby Keith singing Democrat's praises
Barack Obama is getting praise from Nashville, courtesy of one big, patriotic country star.
Toby Keith, perhaps best known to noncountry audiences for his post-Sept. 11 song Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue, says he's a Democrat, and was impressed by the senator from Illinois.
Keith has said in the past that the 2002 song was more patriotic than pro-war.
" ... I think he's the best Democratic candidate we've had since Bill Clinton. And that's coming from a Democrat."

This from the guy who went ballasitic on the Dixie Chicks and did a song that we need to hang more people in the streets... WTF?

Posted by Rack Jite in Election 2008 at 13:23

Wednesday, August 20. 2008

Lewd Doctor's Penis Too Small to Matter

"Yeah, we all need someone we can cream on, And if you want to, well you can cream on me." Let it Bleed by the Rolling Stones.

Two years ago a Houston doctor was lured by an undercover police officer behind a public restroom in a local park where the doctor dropped his drawers and, how does one say... Um... Rapidly handled his penis in front of the officer. In court the doctor claimed he was on his lunch break just looking for someone to talk to. He was found guilty and sentenced to community service and two years probation.

The weight of the conviction must have troubled the doctor who recently hired hot shot Houston Lawyer Dick DeGuerin to appeal his case. DeGuerin is most famous for defending David Koresh and the Branch Davidians who didn't do anything wrong, well other than killing six policemen and shooting about 50 children in the head. DeGuerin is also the present counsel for Texas Lobbyist and Crook Tom DeLay.

You ready for this? Got your seat-belt on?

So the DeGuerin Defense is that the doctor's penis is so small that it could not have been seen by the undercover cop. The penis in question was measured by a urologist at 2.8 inches and the palm of the doctor's hand 4.2 inches. This means the penis was hidden by the doctor's hand during the... Um... rapid handling.

Ahem. This job of court appointed penis measuring has me wondering. It must have been measured while erect or this is all meaningless. Right? And how is that done exactly? Is the urologist a man or a woman? How is the penis made erect? And who holds it while it is being measured?

The doctor said that he is so embarrassed about his penis size that he avoids exposure to all but his wife. One of those size does not matter ladies we may surmise.

Sadly for the doctor, not only did hot shot lawyer Dick DeGuerin lose the appeal, but now the whole world knows what a teenie weenie he has.

I will defer to the original author of this piece Dick Casey and not use the Doctor's name. DeGuerin: Size matters; Court: Nah

Posted by Rack Jite in Bizarre News, Dumbutt, Texas at 10:46

Wednesday, August 20. 2008

Sabre Rattling with Russia Moves McCain up in the Polls

When Hillary Clinton quit the Democratic Primary in June, polls showed Democrats ahead of Republicans by about 20 points, that has now been reduced to 12 points. The 8 point difference is due primarily to the success John McCain has had reminding people that he is Mr War. That he was instrumental in pushing the Bus Administration into war with Iraq, to keep enlarging the war and keep it going. As he is for the war in Afghanistan. He is also the maverick voice for another war with Iran. The polling difference between the two candidates rather than Parties was about 6 points two weeks ago, which is said to have disappeared since John McCain began pounding his shoe screeching about war with Russia.

Four wars! Nothing makes INTELLIGENT American voters happier than war after war after war after war. That's four right? INTELLIGENT voters don't care that our Generals and economists tell us that the two wars we are fighting now already have us on the edge of military and economic collapse. Can there be more INTELLIGENCE than backing a Republican candidate who wants TWO MORE WARS - with bigger and badder enemies than we are waring with now - and who also will lower their taxes!

Yesterday when a school system outside Dallas decided to allow its teachers and administrators to take .44 magnums to school and wear, or put in and on their desks I was embarrassed to be from Texas. Today with the INTELLIGENT American voters going for more wars I am embarrassed to even be an American. Well I dunno... There is Mike Phelps, the NBA and cheeseburgers! I was gonna add beer but I don' t know. I think we still have the PEZ market locked though!

This view that the winning issue in this election has now become Vladimir Putin awaking INTELLIGENT Americans to a long overdue war with the evil bear was presented by top Conservative columnist, Baseball and War affectionado and annoying little Wussy George Will in the Washington Post: A Race McCain Could Win!

It's hard to blame the sabre rattling on the politicians, both parties are guilty to various degrees. The problem is the INTELLIGENT American voter who base their votes upon their fears, supernatural deities, and of course our American Family Values; more wars, more killing, more executions, more prisons, more pitbulls, more slapping our kids around and of course lots and lots and lots more guns. Lots more!

As I mentioned the other day, if we don't make the sabres wider or the scabbards narrower we just may macho jingo ourselves into oblivion. Soon. And if I ever hear the term INTELLIGENT VOTING PUBLIC one more time I am going to puke.

Posted by Rack Jite in Election 2008 at 07:55

Tuesday, August 19. 2008

Victoria Osteen all Oiled Up and ready to go

victoria osteen annoited I remember hearing during both the 2000 and 2004 presidential elections that George W. Bush won the Evangelical vote (which is the reason we have had to suffer this President of Duh for 8 years) because he spoke their language. And what a strange language it is.

The first case in point in the Victoria Osteen courtroom victory aftermath was this evangelical language ditty she uttered, "God, the only thing you are looking for is obedience!" The only thing? Wow! I am sure the world of Rap music enjoys Victoria's basis of Christianity being dem hos do what they be told.

But the real disconnect I had was when she said that over the three years the case was going on "I would anoint myself with oil, I felt like, I wish I could go in and just anoint that whole courtroom." Osteens thank supporters during Lakewood service

John Ashcroft Annoited This anointing business came up a few years ago when we had a Christian Evangelical Fundamentalist as Attorney General, John Ashcroft. He would regularly anoint himself with cooking oil whenever he changed jobs.

I wonder what Victoria uses in her self anointings? I would suppose at home,like Ashcroft, it would be whatever is available in the oil cooking cupboard. What about when out and about and suddenly needing anointing in a restaurant? I suppose we could assume that it would be oil with a bit of vinegar added? I wonder if she tries to keep it out of her hair? Does that matter? At the Olive Garden does she just grab the salad dressing and liberally pour it over her head? Or does she lean way back in the chair and gently pour it only on her forehead?

I had most fun imagining Victoria oiling up the entire courtroom. Visions of oil cans and grease guns. It was an overflow crowd you know. For an entire week, hundreds of people cheering for the Lord. And of course being obedient which is all that really matters to Him. I suppose to anoint as many as 500 people a day Victoria would have needed at least a few quarts of 10W30 or perhaps a barrel of Sweet Texas Crude.

Have to run now, I am late for an anointment.

Posted by Rack Jite in Dumbutt, Texas, Religious Truthiness at 07:39 Comments (2)

Tuesday, August 19. 2008

Laura Ingraham right-wing Bitch video by Harry Shearer

Laura Ingraham's claim to fame? She's almost as bad as Ann Coulter!

Posted by Rack Jite in Videos Politics at 07:08

Monday, August 18. 2008

Barack Obama the Otherworldly

The Republican Party has only one winning issue to run on, Barack Obama is Black. They will find so many new and profound ways of screaming the N-word! without actually saying it we may need William Safire to write a new American Dictionary to help keep track of it all.

Over the weekend I have been reading various opinion pieces in newspapers, watching pundits on television and listening to a bit of talk radio. Here in the dog days of Summer there is a growing consensus that the coming election between the very white John McCain and the very black Barack Obama is a statistical dead heat. A 20 point advantage of Democrats over Republicans lost to the wind by unknown magic.

During the primaries it was politically incorrect to remind ourselves that Barack Obama is an African American. President Bill Clinton, Senator Hillary Clinton, Mark Penn and once VP nominee Geraldine Ferraro were all accused of various degrees of racism for bringing it up, not to disparage Obama but to alert voters that here in America the chances of a Black man becoming President are about nil. Which as time marches on, seems to be the sad truth of the matter. Those exaggerated accusations of racism (rather than the alert of racism) from the Obama campaign and the Liberal Blogosphere have become a Godsend for Republicans who now play the race card with impunity because the Democrats did it first! or because the Obama campaign is crying wolf.

From the mainstream media we find there is no racism or racists in America any longer. Once a viewer of Lou Dobbs I learned the words "nativism" and "nativist" replaced what we used to call "racism" and "racist". The language was changed so CNN viewers could include Mexicans in their cultural and racial xenophobia. What is the main problem with America these days? Mexicans working too hard without the proper papers! Honey! Get my guns! I'm taking the truck down to Laredo to save America!

And just the other day I heard that those outside Texas who do not call Obama the N-word, but have a new American approved racist name for him coined by the GOP! "Otherworldly"! That's the ticket! Damn OTHERWORLDERS! Back of the bus!

A few studies recently showed just how powerful The Bradley Effect may be. When Americans were asked if they would vote for a black candidate for President, 94% said yes! When asked if other people would vote for a black candidate for President only 71% said yes. There's some racial human nature to contemplate.

David Leege, a Nortre Dame professor, suggests that almost 20% of white Democrats and Democrat leaning independents will not vote for an African American. What does that portend as the percentage of white Republicans and white Republican leaning independents who would not vote for a African American? Beyond sports announcers can percentages rise above 110%?

Peter Beinhart Adding another dimension of racial disconnect to all this, Neocon war boy Peter Beinart (known to many conservative pundits and websites as the ONLY GOOD LIBERAL), who is the author of the article I pulled much of this information on how real American racism is, has as the center of his piece a call for Barack Obama to stand tall and shout down Affirmative Action! Racism is real and debilitating to our system so we need to stop doing what little we do about it! Gee... Neocons! How about we deport Neocons instead of Mexicans? Erasing The Race Factor

Do you have to be over 50 or live down here in crackerland to understand that politics down here is all about them (blacks) versus us (whites)? Blacks - and liberals who have supported them over past 150 years or so - are the enemy who take away white people's jobs and tax white people into poverty and trailer parks. All because liberals want to support racist blacks on welfare or in jail, who steal our children away into a culture of rap music, gay marriage and drugs. It's why we need guns in schools, bars and churches.

Barack Obama is a black man from a black community who will side with all these lazy, criminal, welfare whores and pimps to give these black racists even more power over white people than they already have. Unreconstructed Southern racism has controlled politics down here since 1865, but it is not a Southern thing alone, it dirties all of America to varying regional degrees.

Bottom line here is to put all YOUR effort into getting enough NEW voters to the polls come this November to override the racism driving this election.

Posted by Rack Jite in Election 2008 at 09:37

Saturday, August 16. 2008

God Responsible for Finding Victoria Osteen Innocent

In his closing argument God's hot shot Houston lawyer Rusty Hardin said that Sharon Brown's accusations against his client Victoria Osteen were a "sacrilege" and a "blasphemy"! This turned out to be the case as just 2 hours later the jury returned with a unanimous not guilty verdict.

Victoria Osteen stood and shouted "Thank you God!" and "Praise God!" even though the Texas supreme being was not actually seen anywhere in the courtroom. But remember, the press is not allowed in the jury room so it will never be known if He was sitting with the jury in this case. God is not concerned with things like Darfur and world hunger, but is always at the ready to defend very rich, very Republican and very blond white women. Well when he is not at a gun show or down at the range anyway.

Victoria's husband, Joel Osteen added "It's a great vindication and shows us the faithfulness of God." So not only did God take care of this couple in lieu of a race baiting gold digging uppity black bitch, but He also stayed faithful to the Osteens. God knows who his friends are, he follows the money.
So it is all over. The Harris Country jury foreman and oil company owner Gilles Labbe said it best. "It was a complete waste of time". Surprise Witnesses Play Blond Card Victoria Osteen set to Win Texas Civil Suit

Posted by Rack Jite in Dumbutt, Texas, Religious Truthiness at 11:51

Friday, August 15. 2008

Stephen Colbert does the Giant Inflatable Dog Turd

Please stick with this one long enough to get to Threatdown #3, the giant dog turd which will hence foward follow what cartoon character in next years Macy's Thanksgiving Parade?

Giant Inflatable Dog Turd!

Posted by Rack Jite in Videos Politics at 09:30

Friday, August 15. 2008

Jon Stewart explains the Russian Georgia War

The abject hypocrisy Stewart has done so well with aside, there is another issue lurking under the bed in all this.

I can ask anyone around why Russian invaded Georgia no over a week ago. Not one single person could answer that and instead said the Russians killed 2000 civilians the breakaway republic of Georgia.

Like the Russians just awoke one morning and began a killing spree for no reason at all. I can not blame "anyone." I have watched the news, read the papers and even listened to NPR and have yet to hear even any interest in explaining what Georgia may have done to bring this on. It is not reported, either from our Government, the Bush Administration, Congress, the mainstream media, cable news, network news or the New York Times. All of which pounded the war drum for the Iraq War.

As I have never fell for any conspiracy theory because I don't believe more than one person can keep a secret for more than a week, I have to strike that from my list of options as to the whys of all this. Which leaves only Mr. Jingo, who is so deeply embedded in the American mindset it has become an instinct we are no longer even conscious of. And when it comes to war it is the very thing that rattles our sabres to no good end.

I doubt anything can be done about this other than either making narrower scabbards or wider swords.

But more importantly, Lindsay Graham and Joe Lieberman will from this day forward be known as Howdy Doody and Droopy Dog respectively.

Lindsay Graham Howdy Doody and Droopy Dog

Posted by Rack Jite in Videos Politics at 08:39

Thursday, August 14. 2008

La Marque Texas Taliban arrests Mother for using F word in Walmart

Kathryn Fridge Not far from Dumbutt, Texas lies the community of La Marque, Texas where I have often gone to shop at the Walmart pictured here. La Marque is just East of Santa Fe, Texas where they pray to Jesus with blow horns at high school football games. It is South of Pasadena, Texas where white people are more than welcome to shoot unarmed minorities in the back, and it is Southeast of Friendswood, Texas where keeping Mexicans out of town is the city's top priority.

It seems Kathryn Fridge, who is known to go by the alias "Kristi" found there were no more batteries at Walmart while shopping on the day before the fizzle of Hurricane Edouard. She looked at the empty shelf and exclaimed to her mother, "They're all fking gone!"

Little did she know that Taliban Fireman Capt. Alfred Decker was in the next isle and overheard her use the F word. Dressed in his local fireman's uniform Decker took her outside, cited her, cuffed her, forced her into his car and then wrote her up with a $150 ticket.

As a small crowd grew outside Walmart during the handcuffing, the woman known as "Kristie" said, "Can you believe this? He's ----ing arresting me for saying ----!"

To make matters worse this woman known as "Kristie" to her circle of fking friends and relatives told Ayatollah Decker that he was just a fireman who should be fighting fires instead of this crap. While the Ayatollah was writing her up he asked for her name which she spelled out in sign language so the moron could better understand doan ya know, which as anyone should know, makes intolerant anal retentive bozos all the more angry, and is what caused her to be handcuffed.

They say every picture tells a story. This one says fireman fking noseypants should consider himself lucky to not have had his head shoved up his ass, to what I hope would have been the joy of the parking lot onlookers.

La Marque Taliban fking Fire Chief Todd Zacherl stands fully behind fking Fireman Alfred Decker. Foul-talking shopper stirs up a tempest at store in La Marque

Two important points I would like to make. First of all, fking Victoria Osteen nor her friend Jesus were at the Walmart that day.

And secondly, though I know I am beating my head against the wall, could everyone please remember this story everytime that endless stream of talking heads on TV are screeching and saber rattling about the lack of freedom, libertry and so on everywhere in the world but here? I know that asks a bit too much of all good Americans but I gotta try...

Posted by Rack Jite in Dumbutt, Texas at 14:41

Thursday, August 14. 2008

Stephen Colbert Explains Off Shore Drilling

Posted by Rack Jite in Videos Politics at 09:01

Thursday, August 14. 2008

Jon Stewart with Rob Riggle who Deals with Authoritarian China

Posted by Rack Jite in Videos Politics at 08:57

Thursday, August 14. 2008

Surprise Witnesses Play Blond Card Victoria Osteen set to Win Texas Civil Suit

Though it has always been suspected by those in the West that God is a blond, it seems that today it is no longer conjecture.

The big surprise in the Victoria Osteen case today was when a BLOND witness for the plaintiff (Sharon Brown) reversed her earlier disposition and said Osteen did not push Ms Brown. Judge Patricia Hancock refused to allow the previous contradictory statement to be entered.

Next our Houston Hot Shot lawyer Rusty Hardin got permission from Judge Hancock to show a video of a blond women from 1995 in which she says Ms Brown falsely accused her of pushing her when she did not.

Two more blond witnesses took the stand against Ms Brown. To make things even worse - what most every letter to the editor and online comments claim is a lying insane thieving uppity black bitch - Ms Brown herself took the stand to say the altercation did not give her hemorrhoids and that the Osteens were not evil as she had originally believed. Witness in Osteen lawsuit says there was no assault with videos

sharon brown

Bottom line? Sharon Brown, not blond enough!

Very White, Rich, Blond and Christian Victoria Osteen Fights to stay that way

Posted by Rack Jite in Religious Truthiness at 07:43

Wednesday, August 13. 2008

Is Stephen Colbert Obama's VP Pick, National Enquirer and John Edwards

Stephen Colbert surmises that because he has not been called by the DNC to make a speech at the Democratic Convention on VP Monday night, they are probably toying with his as the surprise VP pick by Barack Obama.

Stephen also explains why the mainstream media is so remiss in not picking up stories from the National Enquirer. After all, they had no problem picking up the unsubstantiated rumors that Saddam Hussein had Weapons of Mass Destruction and trained the 911 terrorists.

Posted by Rack Jite in Videos Politics at 08:12