Monday, June 23. 2008George Carlin and StuffThe classic STUFF routine Potent Quips and STUFF from George Carlin 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have
monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all
the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's
the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat
the purpose.
7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets
aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and
there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is
it considered a hostage situation?
11. Is there another word for synonym?
12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do
practice?"
13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating
an endangered plant?
15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?
18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right
to remain silent?
22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
24. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
25. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they
taste funny?
26. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
27. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other
people.
28. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
29. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
30. How is it possible to have a civil war?
31. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
32. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
33. If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
34. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
35. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
36. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
37. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
38. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
39. Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket?
40. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a
plane crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of that stuff?
41. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
Friday, June 20. 2008The James Pence Terrorist VideoThough a very well done political video I have to steer away from the conclusion that wealthy greedy Republicans are the cause of all our misery. Rather it is the majority of the electorate who vote against their own self interest because of their religious intolerance, nationalist jingoism, racial and ethnic bigotry and of course hating anyone they perceive as being smarter than they are (which of course includes just about everyone.)
Monday, February 11. 2008THE GEORGE W. BUSH LIBRARY
THE GEORGE BUSH LIBRARY The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages. You'll want to be the first at your corporation to make a contribution to this great man's legacy. The Library will include: 1. The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction. 2. The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you can't remember anything. 3. The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't have to even show up. 4. The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in. 5. The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out. 6. The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room (which no one has been able to find). 7. The Iraq War Room. After you complete your first tour, they make you go back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth tour. 8. The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with shooting gallery. 9. Plans also include: The K-Street Project Gift Shop - where you can buy (or just steal) an election. 10. The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators. 11. Last, but not least, there will be an entire floor devoted to a 7/8 scale model of the President's ego. To highlight the President's accomplishments, the museum will have an electron microscope to help you locate them.
Thursday, January 31. 2008Teaching White Bitches Spanish!
Sunday, December 30. 2007Fruitcake Lady tells it like it is....
Monday, December 24. 2007Merry Xmas
Sunday, December 2. 2007Pug Factory
Sunday, November 25. 2007Secret Agent Dog
Sunday, November 18. 2007The Waterboarding USA Song
Friday, November 16. 2007Happy Easter Bunny!
Friday, November 16. 2007Pee Rules
Saturday, November 10. 2007Top Youtube Video
Wednesday, October 31. 2007***HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACK JITE***Happy Birthday, Rack Jite... Trick or Treat? http://minibytes.mondominishows.com/poo/affiliates/play.asp?Affil=iwon&W
Friday, October 5. 2007Bush Vetoes Candy for Babies -Borowitz Report
Bush Vetoes Candy for Babies (Move Takes Candy From Over Four Million Babies)
The Borowitz Report Andy Borowitz In a move that seemed guaranteed to stir controversy, President Bush today vetoed a bill that would give candy to over four million babies. With one stroke of a pen, Mr. Bush vetoed the Candy for Babies Act, a law that would have expanded candy benefits to America's hungriest babies. At the White House, aides to the president said that Mr. Bush was "unconcerned" that his veto would create the impression that he was, in effect, taking candy from babies. "Being president means making tough decisions," said White House press secretary Dana Perino. "If that means taking candy from babies, so be it." Mr. Perino said that the $3 billion saved by vetoing the Candy for Babies Act would be used for one of Mr. Bush's pet projects, a new program that would pay people to kick old ladies who are trying to cross the street. The funding of the Kicking Old Ladies Act comes on the heels of another potentially unpopular move by the president, an executive order that would force puppies and kittens out of animal shelters and onto the streets in time for the winter. In other White House news, President Bush responded to criticism of the Blackwater security firm by hiring a new firm to take over security in Iraq, a company called Bongwater. "I met with the Bongwater folks and I liked them," he said. "They seemed a lot more laid back than Blackwater." Elsewhere, Britney Spears said she regretted losing custody of her children "because I was just teaching them how to drive."
Wednesday, September 26. 2007The Prophet H. L. Mencken
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 4 More Years! Recent Articles"Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii" and other lame names of kids outlawed
Thursday, July 24 Peeing on Obama Bumper Sticker (photo) gets Texas Woman Arrested Thursday, July 24 Jon Stewart explains the confusion between Obama and Osama Thursday, July 24 Jon Stewart does Robert Novak Corvette Hit and Run Thursday, July 24 Stephen Colbert, NaS sings his Rap song Against FOX News, Sly Fox Thursday, July 24 Wiccan ceremony goes wrong, woman stabs self with sword Thursday, July 24 New minimum wage - Worst states nobody moves to Thursday, July 24 Conservative mouthpiece Bob Novak hits pedestrian and speeds away Wednesday, July 23 Packing heat at the Boise, Idaho Zoo Wednesday, July 23 Jon Stewart with Lewis Black and the Selling of America Wednesday, July 23 Add Blog to RSS
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"As democracy is perfected, the office of President represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day; the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." H. L. Mencken 
