Wednesday, September 26. 2007

The Intelligent Voting Public are Idiots

Posted by Frekklz in Toons & Buffoons at 07:09

Monday, September 10. 2007

God Does speak to George

Posted by Frekklz in Toons & Buffoons at 01:10 Comment (1)

Saturday, August 11. 2007

The Surreal Toilet

Posted by Frekklz in Bizarre News at 20:23 Comments (4)

Saturday, August 11. 2007

Itchy Balls DUI

Posted by Frekklz in Bizarre News at 07:52 Comment (1)

Friday, June 29. 2007

President George W Bush and God's Law

Dear President Bush,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them:

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that, even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I
don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there "degrees" of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev. 24:10-16)? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people
who sleep with their in-laws (Lev.20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Posted by Frekklz in Satire at 01:49

Tuesday, June 19. 2007

Daily Bushism

a man of great conviction
(I believe he is nuts)

Posted by Frekklz in GOP ROT at 15:31 Comments (2)

Saturday, May 26. 2007

Canberrra, Austrailia's Nude Car Wash!

Check out our spinoff site for more People are Strange (funebrity.com)

(Sounds like a good job for Dr. Laura Schlessinger picture here in her more deviant days)

CANBERRA (Reuters) - A nude car wash offering an X-rated sideshow and topless cleaning in Australia's tropical Queensland state has been given the all-clear after police and officials said they were powerless to scrub it. The Bubbles 'n' Babes car wash in Brisbane prompted a flood of complaints with a topless car wash for A$55 ($45) and a nude car wash with X-rated lap-dance service for A $100. "If it was approved for a car wash then I can't imagine how we can stop them," Lord Mayor Campbell Newman told a council meeting with worried local lawmakers. Professional car washes have boomed in most cities with drought-stricken Australians banned from washing their own cars due to tough water restrictions. Queensland police denied any cover-up in a state where their image has been dented by past accusations of police corruption and involvement with organized crime. The raunchy wash, set up by a strip club owner, was screened from the public and used recycled water to avoid breaching water use restrictions, they said. "We don't want any traffic accidents caused by people looking at the girls instead of looking at the road," Superintendent Colin Campbell told local media. X-rated nude car wash gets police all-clear

Posted by Frekklz in Bizarre News at 09:05 Comments (2)

Thursday, May 24. 2007

A Day In The Life Of Joe Republican

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of coffee, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to insure their safety and that they work as advertised. All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - now Joe gets it too.

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry. In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air. He walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays the same standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

Its noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression. Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below- market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards. He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification. He is happy to see his father, who is now retired.

His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys through out his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."

Posted by Frekklz in GOP ROT at 10:38 Comment (1)

Thursday, May 24. 2007

Hand Sanitizer Makes 4 year old Halle Butler Drunk

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Strange (funebrity.com)

(OKMULGEE, Okla.) May 14 - The pre-kindergarten student at Okmulgee Primary School ingested a amount of `hand sanitizer` right before lunch. The school says a teacher put some on the child's hands to clean them, but instead of rubbing it on her hands, the girl ate it. The girl had to be rushed to the hospital when she acted intoxicated. You expect hand sanitizer to keep your kids safe but one of the main ingredients in the stuff is actually alcohol. If you turn it over and look at the label it shows 62-percent alcohol that’s enough to make adults and many kids drunk or sick.

Four-year-old Halle Butler is doing much better but just a few days ago it was a much different story.

Halle`s mom says, "I’ll never forget the look in her eyes when she looked at me... It was... nuh uh." "I walked in and she's leaning up against the wall and her eyes are just kinda...doing whatever...they were not focused on anything, she tried to get up and can't walk?" Halle`s dad recalls. Halle`s parents eventually learned their daughter had eaten, rather than rubbed on her hands, a small amount of hand sanitizer. Doctors say the alcohol inside made her intoxicated.

The incident scared everyone including school officials. The very next day the school banned hand sanitizer.

The school’s principal says, "it was a surprise, kinda unbelievable. We were killing the germs before they go to lunch so they wouldn’t be eating the germs...and then we find out later...we’re doing as much harm as we are doing good."

Halle`s mom says, "it was horrible...I think my heart stayed up in my throat the majority of the day."

Halle's mom now wants other parents to be aware of what can happen... so no one else goes through what they have.

So after an incident like this many parents may be wondering...is hand sanitizer safe? Well the makers of hand sanitizer say, "yes it is as long as it’s used as directed. That means kids need to put it on their hands and use it on their hands. They should never put hand sanitizer in their mouths."

Poison control experts say drinking hand sanitizer can be fatal in both children and adults.

The reason is that sanitizer contains 62-percent alcohol...while most hard liquor contains 40-percent. Beer in Oklahoma meanwhile contains 3.2 percent.

Posted by Frekklz in Bizarre News at 08:42 Comments (2)

Wednesday, May 23. 2007

Official George W. Bush Resume

Oh, what a star!

RESUME: George W. Bush

The White House, USA

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE

LAW ENFORCEMENT: I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my

driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.

MILITARY: I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

COLLEGE: I graduated from YaleUniversity. I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE

I ran for US Congress and lost.

I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.

With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected Governor of Texas.

Continue reading "Official George W. Bush Resume"

Posted by Frekklz in Satire at 10:42 Comments (3)

Monday, May 21. 2007

"Colored" Folks?

This was written by a black gentleman in Texas.

When I born, I black,

when I grow up, I black,

when I go in sun, I black,

when I cold, I black,

when I scared, I black,

when I sick, I black,

and when I die, I still black.

You white folks....

when you born, you pink ,

when you grow up, you white,

when you go in sun, you red,

when you cold, you blue,

when you scared, you yellow,

when you sick, you green,

when you bruised, you purple,

and when you die, you gray.

So who you callin' Colored?