Entries by x.smith

Some begin by asking "Is holiday shopping and partying what it is really all about?" or
"What is the reason for the Season" ? It is a bit complicated and deserves more than a
slogan off a pickup truck bumpersticker. Best Buy stores get out the message to spend
your way to happiness with just 2 words, "You, happier." We will try in 6 words or less.

What makes people happy this season is under the Christmas tree on December 25th:
CLAUS IS THE CAUSE FOR APPLAUSE.

It's all right to get pushy as the holiday approaches if done in the name of your people:
LOVE FROM ABOVE TO SHOVE.

A large part of the tradition is stopping for a moment and considering all the abundance:
TIME FOR REFLECTION AND CONFECTION SELECTION.

In a declining economy, be sure to remind people that it's always the thought that counts:
SHORT SHRIFT FOR THE GIFT WAS THRIFT.

And no holiday season would be complete without an office party honoring the big boss:
GLASSES LET THE MASSES TOAST ASSES.

Perhaps the explanation could be as simple as it is gloomy outside, with little else to do:
MEETING AND GREETING CAUSED BY SLEETING.

But there actually was one historical figure, with a reason, who is responsible for it all:
KRINGLE STAYED SINGLE FOR THE JINGLE.

From a crackpot to a crockpot, Sarah Palin is equally at home in politics as she is in the kitchen. The really good moose chili recipes must be passed down from generation to generation, just like mother-daughter sex talks. You gotta hope it isn't an old family secret, because whispering when you've got moosebreath is a misdemeanor in Alaska. Neighbors better hide their Huskies next, although Palin's moose-dogs with cheese in a bun are to die for. Mush!

Start with 1 moose, some offshore drilled cooking oil, and a really large iron skillet.  Brown thoroughly until the head falls off. Set aside until later for pictures and final placement on the wall in the study - aka future presidential library. Then cook all night long (land of the Midnight Sun) in oversized ceramic cookware. You've never seen such a crock until you've watched Sarah talking about politics while cooking.

For reporters covering Palin in her 8 interviews from Wasilla since the election, those eschewing her heavy red meat meals can go with the Alaskan fish casseroles she makes with salmon and other local catches.  PETA won't like it, but vegetarians should sample the fare for the halibut.

Vote-For-The-Milf still belongs to the official John-McCain website 4 weeks after originally reported by GOVGAP and reported as "possibly inaccurate" when DUGG with thousands of not accurate votes.

Election Day shows VOTEFORTHEMILF.COM [iwebtool.com] is 64.203.105.81 which is JOHNMCCAIN.COM [iwebtool.com]

The previous redirects to McCain's site showed intent but proved little. Combined with the reverse address information dispels all doubt about coincidental virtual website servers as well. IP addresses don't lie.

So today on First Tuesday 2008, going to JohnMcCain is a VoteForTheMilf

The Amethyst Initiative "Rethink the Drinking Age" has collected signatures of over a hundred University Presidents and Chancellors. They have take the debate of the alcohol drinking age laws over to Opposing Views but let's be real how the list of 100 signatures will be used by prospective teen students:

High public tuition has really gotta cut into a student's drinking money fund - the average tuition cost is over 17 grand for out-of-state partiers at the twelve public schools who made the list. Even Ohio State University (home of High Street) is $21,918 per year and Vermont State Colleges (home of drunk skiers avoiding trees) hits $29,682 yearly.

On the other end of the best 100 are the low cost private schools who signed Amethyst's 100+ list: The College of St. Joseph (CSJ.EDU) and Saint Leo University (SAINTLEO.EDU) are the two non-public institutions with the lowest tuition of under $18,000 a year. That'll make old Joe and Leo the new patron saints of jello shooters and body shots.

The over-40 crowd ($40,200 and $49,210/yr tuition costs respectively) at Middlebury College and Kenyon College are probably the chablis drinking crowd anyway, which federal law already allows with your parents. The signatories from those places didn't exactly stick their necks out by signing the Amethyst petition.

The names of college administrators to watch will be Louis Agnese and John Stamm. In addition to MADD opposing this education initiative, the latest additions to "The List" are from the University of the Incarnate Word and Trinity Lutheran College. When it comes to new wine in old wineskins, WWJD?

Georgia, North Carolina, Virginia and Maryland (business friendly areas) are going to make their states even more desirable by holding the line at the $234 weekly paycheck level.

Indiana and Kentucky (kissing cousins) will both be blaming the July inflation reports on today's statewide Minimum Wage increases that push wage earner incomes into the $13,000 per year range.

Louisiana, Oklahoma and Texas (oil and gas-rich states) will grudgingly go along and match the federal wages laws of $6.55 per hour going into effect this week.

Montana, Utah and Idaho (keep going West young man) are the bosses' dream states with the bare minimal $28 a week raise as of July 24th -- like all the rest, according to the Labor Law Center.

North Dakota, South Dakota and Wyoming (nice places to visit, but you know the rest) merely match the latest Federal hourly rate increases - thus staying one day ahead of Washington's wage laws.

By enacting meaningless hourly pay legislation, all 15 of these not-so-desirable states ought to get a new State Motto: "Staying one step ahead of the law"

It isn't even George Bush this time, but the 50 pound evil monkey triplets he beat in the primaries that he now carriers the water for:

Speak no evil. Like Romney, McCain is not going to talk economic issues for "Average Americans" unless of course, it is about THEIR taxes.

See no evil. Like Giuliani, McCain is a lifelong civil servant who badmouths "Big Government" although never noticing who wrote EVERY paycheck.

Hear no evil. Like Huckabee, McCain is needing tremendous voter turnout of the "Religious Right" and will hear nothing of Supreme Court MODERATE nominees.

If McBush wins in November, the graduating class of 2012 will have had portraits of Evil Chimps up on the school walls for their entire educational life. Darwin would be proud.

The only ones debating Creationism or Intelligent Design would do better arguing if babies come from the cabbage patch or the stork.

Whether ones believes a "Mystical Garden" cabbage story or the never seen "Winged Creature" stork fable, is based where you live in the US.

SPOILER Alert: Our beginnings are not rooted in past mystical gardens or unseen flying winged creatures, but in other human beings.

Whichever version someone is taught for an entire childhood, by the highest authority in their lives, is only shaped by geographical location.

Of course the known facts about both (besides being fallacies) is storks smell like crap, and the effect of cabbage is even worse.

So next time you hear vigorous "intellectual academic discussion" of ID or Creation -- just remember 'Of Cabbages and Wings'.

By some estimates, many older Americans are afflicted by neck wattle problems that do NOT need to be treated by cosmetic surgery! This discovery is not the result of lengthy and complicated medical research, nor is it difficult to understand the solutions (just nuke em as God intended through natural means)

In fact, if you devote just 30 minutes of your time to sit through Hugh Downs' latest Sunday morning tv Medimericial, you see what it will take for McCain's candidacy to improve on a superficial level - what matters most in elections. And it is a product that all Americans can benefit from if they'll only pick up their phone in the next half hour.

And that's not all: You also get an early look at 5 MDs hawking natural cures for the masses, who are prime candidates to be considered for the McCain cabinet's newly created post of Surgeon General of the United Red States.

As a proud Texan living near Houston we can now happily drink our beer, read the magazine of our choice and watch whatever movie Hollywood puts out -- without a local store making that decision for us.

This week I realized the local Right had lost their battle against alcohol, porn and free speech when the Randall's grocery store chain that wouldn't sell wine on Sundays had now replaced Muzak in Aisle 10 with "What if God was one of Us (just a Slob like one of Us)"

The year was 1994 when the Houston company decided six days a week was ample time to purchase our Shiner beer and Miller Lite. Many Texans decided that 365 days was about right for avoiding that billion dollar retailer.

The precedent for this hoopla started in 1986, when Southland Corporation pulled Playboy magazine off the shelves of its 7-11 stores to make a statement - a convenient cause once they realized the last of the Baby Boomers passed 21 years old that year, and that shelf sales peaked over a decade earlier for the magazines.

And two years later, Blockbuster Videos made it easy for every real Texan to support their local video rental store when they refused to let their customers watch the Martin Scorcese film "The Last Temptation" - although they'll now let you RENT IT here.

Back to 2008 where the effects of Texas' boycott worked: Randalls (who bought Safeway upon their initial exit from the state) is now owned by Safeway, 7-11 is owned by the Middle Eastern guys who work twenty hour shifts there, and Blockbuster is about to purchase Circuit City and soon be owned by banktuptcy pink sheet buyers for pennies on the dollar.

A new medical study by John Hopkin of Baltimore (I-83 underpass at 43rd) confirms nearly 2000 years of ad hoc research that RedWine can make you feel better. Mr. Hopkin performed 365 trials until double-blind, in an unsubsidized privately funded test.

The main component of Redwine, CH3-CH2-OH or known more commonly on the street as C2H5OH, is the chemical formulation of ethyl alcohol. The exact mechanism of RedWine is unknown; government officials at the FDA are closely monitoring it day and night.

Users of RedWine should avoid driving until they know how Redwine affects their central nervous system. Allergic reactions to Redwine have been reported in women who suddenly get hot flashes which are only treated by the total removal of all clothing.

Redwine is contraindicated for older men with chronic liver disease - simple blood tests of 0.20 BAC can determine whether RedWine is working. Patients should avoid drinking alcohol with their Redwine, as this can increase the effect of your dosage.

A typical dose is 5 oz for women, 16 ounces for men, and 0.75 liters for those patients who have developed a tolerance for RedWine. Common side effects include temporary blurred vision and slurred speech. Headaches have been reported the next morning.

You can find Redwine at CVS and Walgreens -- the one stop pharmacies for all your healthcare needs -- between the ice cream freezer and their tobacco counter. Ask your prescriber whether RedWine may be right for you.

Say it isn't so, Little Buddy. The well has run dry for actress and now dope-fiend Dawn Wells from the Sixties hit show Gilligan's Island. Busted for possession of marijuana, she is now serving six months unsupervised probation for her pot problem.

Initial alternatives in the punishment phase of her trial included SUPERVISED probation, or 4 hours a day of watching the Bob Denver reruns on TBS. Whatever happened to him?

The reports state she was caught with pot in the car, but did not go so far to indicate whether it was the 1960s tv show car with pedals that was constructed mainly of hemp. Speculation runs that the cause of her problems occurred when the last line of the popular lyrics to this hit tv show were changed in 1966 between "the Professor and Mary Ann" and "a movie star, and the rest" where recognition for the show's unsung heroes was finally in the credits.