Austrian biochemists Frank Madeo and Tobias Eisenberg at the University of Graz have found that the substance spermadine slows the aging process. Slowing Aging ... With Semen - Time Magazine
Spermidine is contained in high concentrations in male sperm. Earth
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This led me to some Googling which found that not only does sperm chemically reduce the aging process in cell structures, but that for many years it has been known that its high protein content reduces facial wrinkles.
While driving my Hummer down Santa Monica boulevard listening to BJ Thomas sing about raindrops on my head I ruminated about my lost love laced with indifference as I failed to come up with some way of expressing just how wonderful this news is. Full time story below.
In the years following Godfrey Chaucer the phrase "stupid assholes" became one of the most definitive and ubiquitous in the English lexicon. Using the Pimbo Bender we trekked back to the 13th century to find where exactly the term originated.
We found a a pre-relative of Charles Dickens who we now know came up with the phrase because of our unintended bending of time and space. We are responsible for one of the most descriptive nuances in the history of Western philosophy which has endured for over six centuries. To this day, everyone knows who the "stupid assholes" are. A term that needs no further explanation to gain the nod of human kind.
So as chance would have it, this Dickens fellow saw the space around him bending, and noticing our Hawaiian shirts knew something was amiss. He knocked us abeam of the thing and disappeared into time and place unknown to return moments later mumbling about stupid assholes.
We jumped back abeam of the thing and hit the reset switch which took us back to its last known stop. Where had this Dickens fellow been to find the stupidest assholes of all time?
We found ourselves bending onto a hotel stage in Nashville, Tennessee next to us a strange woman with big hair and glasses saying nasty stupid things to a cheering crowd. As we looked out over the audience, past the sea of aging whiteness, above the calorie adjusted flagwear and slack minds, we saw the faces full of joyous rapture as they absorbed a lifetime supply of ignorant tripe from an airhead with her speech written on the palm of her hand. The Tea Baggers, the original and definitive stupid assholes.
On a cold and rainy day... The dog and I crowd the back door to get in from the shivering wet. As I open the door the dog sneezes and trots to the front hall where he slows down so not to slip shifting from carpet to tile floor on the tight turn into my office. He finds his spot under the desk with a window view of the street, chin on sill, he sounds a long exhale, wiggles into better position and yawns.
Sneezing I quickly follow him, also slowing down so not to slip on the tiles as I make a tight turn into my office. I spin my chair, flop down with a verbal sigh, and taking notice of my friend's yawn, I can't help but follow suit.
I am sure both our blood pressures have fallen precipitously and our brains gone slack as we fall into our shared instinctive primordial satisfaction. Though the dog didn't smoke the joint.
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