Tuesday, February 5. 2008Conservative pundits gone wild!
Nationwide, conservative media pundits appear to be shifting into a frenzied overdrive of late, what with the McCain/Conservative imbroglio reaching new heights of tizzy and Super Tuesday upon us. Grand Old Pundit Rush Limbaugh is reported to have blown out two shirts worth of buttons with his chest beating, while smarmy little right-wing Eddie Haskell Sean Hannity has allowed his hair to be mussed. Hannity also allowed his counterpart Alan Colmes to actually get a civil word in edgewise. Media watchers fear Hannity, Limbaugh, and others will reach such a state that they may “over-ignite”, much like a lightbulb right before it burns out – shining particularly bright before dying completely. Many are trying to predict when so they can record the event and use it on You Tube. A Rush implosion could steal all other headlines. For now, though, they just keep reporting, commenting, and predicting. The latest prognostication: Ron Paul will come out for Giuliani. Not much gets by those guys. 
Wednesday, December 19. 2007Congress enacts "monumental" energy bill
The US Congress today passed a bill holding
automobiles to a higher standard by 2020. Automobiles must, by that date, be
considered 40% more efficient. Some congressional aides, who wish to remain anonymous, were quick to point out that they never define “efficient,” and that the new law will not have any effect on the search for alternatives to fossil fuels. Indeed, some say there may even be clauses buried in the bill that discourage any sort of renewable energy, calling it “horseless carriage thinking.” “I mean, that steam, solar, geothermal, and wind technology, … really man,” said congressional staffer E. Ramsey Bolstetl. “That stuff is linked with the way DaVinci thought. We’re hoping for something a little more real, and a little more ‘outside the box” like dilithium crystals or something..” Most agree that the 13 year window will give Halliburton and others time to scarf up all the “newer” ways of generating power, so they can continue the business model they have adhered to since ex-CEO Dick Cheney came on board. Rolwathel Kindineth, a major stockholder from Delhi, said “Dick did it right, and we’ll do right by him. Even if we have to corner all the quartz and tuning fork technology on the planet.”
Wednesday, December 5. 2007Iran having nukes is the same as them not having nukes
Information from sources in Washington suggest that
the President gets intelligence reports on the state
of Iraq's nuclear capabilities every two years, and
that he doesn't do anything about them.
Brigadier General Hardis Nailes, assistant associate sub-director to the deputy for public information at the Pentagon's Strategic Information Diffusion Directorate, said Tuesday that the latest information on Iranian nuclear capability "is informative, while not really shedding any light on any of the facts." When asked exactly what that meant, Nailes replied, "It's up to the interpreters to interpret what the analysts analyze, and then we information distributors will distribute information. It's all about which facts we wish to consider as facts." The announcement came on the heels of new criticism over the handling - and meaning - of intelligence reports, and how the President reacts to them. Mr. Bush said the new assessment that Iran had no nuclear weapons underscored the need to intensify international efforts to prevent Iran from acquiring a nuclear weapon. Only George W. Bush could make Mahmoud Ahmadinejad look good.
Wednesday, November 28. 2007Buy American - Spend Euros.
Need anything more to tell you the US economy is down
the pooper? Rappers, led by internationally recognized economist Jay Z, are now requesting to be paid in Euros, rather than US Dollars. You can't really blame them. The euro bought an all-time record $1.4752 on Friday, and the British pound also has been trading at its highest levels against the dollar since the early 1980s. The Canadian dollar, often called the "Loonie," reached parity with the dollar in September for the first time since 1976, and has climbed steadily since. The euro bought $1.4655 yesterday, while the Loonie bought $1.0373. With the Euro you can get almost half-again more bling, blow, and ho's. Plus, name one international drug figure that has been busted for laundering his Euros. Of course, President Bush and VP Cheney are probably paid in gold, right into their Swiss accounts, but watch them withdraw it in Euros. If they ever do. The lesson here? Buy American, but spend Euros.
Monday, November 26. 2007White House declares Scott McClellan the "most dishonest person in the world."The latest pronunciation comes just months after McClellan was regarded as 100% honest as White House Press Secretary. White House Spokesperson Dana Perino informed the White House Press corps that McClellan was now persona non grata Friday in a prepared statement. Members of the White House press corps were especially silent following the release, presumably because it was the day after Thanksgiving, and news outlets had their hands full reporting on sales beginning at 5 a.m., and recipes for leftover turkey. “We’re not going to touch that,” said a reporter from the press pool that asked not to be identified. “If we report that in depth, then we will have to report how we haven’t asked hard questions about the other lies coming out of the White House. Some of us still want to ask what’s up with the ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner. Even more want to ask about the weapons of mass destruction and Colin Powell’s speech at the UN. “ There seems to be a consensus among the press that perhaps they could have done a beer job. None have stepped forward to begin doing so, however.
Wednesday, November 14. 2007Die Chickenhawks Die!
Vice President Dick Cheney took time out of his busy Sunday to “honor” US Veterans at the Tomb of the Unknowns in Arlington National Cemetery outside of Washington D. C.. In a 10-minute speech, Cheney said soldiers from World War I to "the current fight against terrorism" have served their country valiantly and "kept us free at the land we call home."
"Free to live as we see fit, free to work, worship, speak our minds, to choose our own leaders," the vice president said. "May the rest of us never take them for granted." As a Vietnam Veteran, I know this is pure bullshit. Now we are having craven, unprincipled cowards commemorate the efforts and sacrifices of those who have served, and are serving, in the U.S. military. Cheney and his posse are some of the most repulsive hypocrites around, and veterans would be better served if the all retired to a private Island off of Saudi Arabia to roll around in their blood money until they die and go away. End of rant from this Veteran.
Wednesday, October 24. 2007Republican Jarvis Heddon says California Wildfire Good SacrificeJarvis Heddon, Republican alderman from Escondido, California, suggested that all "good Americans" should be happy to sacrifice their homes in the states latest wildfire crisis. Mr. Heddon suggested that since National Guard and Marine Reserves are tied up in the Middle East, and none of their equipment ever comes back from the Middle East for present personnel to train with, perhaps this is the best way for the predominantly Republican area to "get behind the President and his fight for global supremacy." Mr. Heddon then corrected himself, pointing out he intended to say, "global war on terrorism." Not all Mr. Heddons constituents are so quick to give up their homes, however. Tarvis Jenway, of San Diego stated he "directly blames the Bush White House for the spread of the present conflagration." Jenway added, " If we had a national guard to support our firefighters, there wouldn't be half the conflagration we got now." The President is expected to tour the devastated areas Wednesday. Many Orange County residents are looking forward to the visit. The area claims to be the "thru anchor of the remaining 24% of Americans that still support the President." Others call the entire catastrophe "karma."
Wednesday, October 24. 2007Katy Couric grills Valerie Plame
Valerie Plame, wife of ex-ambassador Joseph Wilson
and one time CIA operative, claimed on Monday that CBS spunky reporter Katie
Couric “could be an intelligence operative.”
Following Couric’s interview with Ms. Plame on CBS’s 60 Minutes program, Plame pointed out that Couric seems to have all the skills and talents needed for undercover intelligence work. “Nobody takes her seriously, she’s good looking, and she speaks in the most gosh-awful riddles,” said Plame, “she could be my replacement.” Couric had seasoned the interview with revelations such as Scooter Libby’s wife is not a CIA operative (which Plame disputed.) Plame noted on her 60 Minutes interview that she was an operative for many years, until the Bush administration intentionally leaked her identity in retaliation for her husband’s repudiation of some of the administration’s reasons for going to war with Iraq. Public reaction to the interview has been mixed. Conservatives consider it a hatchet job on the Bush administration, while many college age males have phoned in requests for photos of Plame in her New Mexico office wearing jeans and sweater. Trevor Wadsworth of Columbus, Ohio, wrote in stating that “Valerie is hotter than Mrs. Robinson!,” in a reference to the 1960’s movie “The Graduate.
Wednesday, October 10. 2007Fred Thompson wins Foghorn Leghorn contest
Newcomer Fred Thompson was named the best in last
night’s Republican “Foghorn Leghorn sound-alike
contest.” The Tennessee Republican finished well
ahead of the other contenders in the nationally
televised contest, with Massachusetts Mitt Romney
receiving honorable mention for his new haircut, and
Duncan Hunter given a nod for his hawkish views. Thompson also garnered praise from the judges for his striking resemblance to a Little Abner character, the corrupt, conspiratorial blowhard Senator Jack S. Phogbound. The judging committee decided an award for that may be a little bit too much like art imitating life, and discouraged any supplemental award for Thompson, however. “I am happier than a pig in poop,” Thompson remarked after the announcement. He then pointed out this was not his first foray into entertainment. He said he has been attempting for some time to bring out his imitations of a one-role actor, another involving an incredibly lazy politician with a gold-digging trophy wife.
Tuesday, October 9. 2007Congressional Democrats to expand wiretap program.
The New York Times reports today that congressional Democrats are ready
to expand the government's legal wiretap program. "Although willing to oppose the White House on the Iraq war, they remain nervous that they will be called soft on terrorism if they insist on strict curbs on gathering intelligence." A Democratic bill to be proposed on Tuesday in the House would maintain for several years the type of broad, blanket authority for N.S.A. eavesdropping that the administration secured in August for six months," reported Eric Lichtblau and Carl Hulse in Tuesday's NYT. Experts cite the fact that Democrats are fearful they may be perceived as weak on terrorism, as the motivation for their willingness to toss basic citizens rights. Many rank and file voters in the Midwest are asking, "If the Republicans stand for greed, heartlessness, and their very own brand of chickenhawk hypocrisy, then what exactly do the Democrats stand for?" Apparently they stand for submission, empty threats, and a certain conscience-bothering dicklessness that seems to appeal to people who speak in talking points. The dynamism of American politics remains both puzzling and nauseating.
Saturday, October 6. 2007Barack Obama Not Wearing Flag Lapel Pin!!
Anybody been following the “Obama flag lapel pin”
controversy? It’s the one that replaced the “What is
Hillary up to with her cackle?” kerfluffle. It seems Barack Obama has eschewed the venerable American flag lapel pin, vowing he would rather let his words and deeds demonstrate what a patriotic American he is, rather than a two-cent chunk of recycled soda can with a fresh paint job. He added that the pin seems to have become a substitute for true patriotism. And the media firestorm is, naturally, intense. Pundits speculate as to Mr. Obama’s REAL motives. What are they? How subversive are they? How do they harm our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan? Might they prompt Jenna Bush to write another book? The story is already nudging Brittney Spears off some News Channels, and it appears FOX is forming a task force of anti-traitor investigative reporters to unveil the sordid true story. Maybe Mr. Obama simply doesn’t want to be associated with Archie Bunker, Richard Nixon, and myriad other faux-patriotic hypocrites, convicted felons, and assorted dumbshits that have made the little doodad such a travesty. Let’s see how good a set of legs this particularly worthless non-stories has. I’ll bet Hannity,, O’Reilly, Tucker, and that particularly sleazy John Gibson will all prematurely ejaculate over this one. Ollie, too.
Thursday, October 4. 2007Grilled Blackwater chairman a major GOP donorGrilled Blackwater chairman a major GOP donor Andrew Malcolm the Los Angeles Times You saw a lot of Erik Prince on TV the last couple of days, spending considerable time calmly fending off inquiries from agitated Democratic congressmen about his security company's suddenly controversial activities in Iraq. One explanation may be that Prince, the head of Blackwater, U.S.A., has a lengthy political pedigree as a Republican. Members of the House Oversight Committee, which is chaired by Rep. Henry Waxman (D-Beverly Hills), accused Blackwater employees of being "cowboys" who acted recklessly during their contracted security duties for the State Department in Iraq. It also came out that Blackwater, which has lost some three dozen employees in Iraq hostilities, has a 100 percent success rate in protecting VIPs under its contract. This may shock some, but it also turns out that the target of the committee's angry questions was a 38-year-old former Navy SEAL who has donated $230,000 to federal campaigns and causes in the last decade. Almost all of that money has gone to Republicans, according to a check of Federal Election Commission records by The Times' campaign finance expert, Dan Morain. Prince's latest donation was in July, when he gave $20,000 to the National Republican Congressional Committee. California recipients of Prince?s $1,000 checks include Reps. Jerry Lewis and Duncan Hunter, a current GOP presidential candidate, and former Rep. Richard Pombo. The former serviceman has given almost all of his donations to Republicans. There was, however, an exception in 2006, when he donated $5,000 to the Green Party of Lucerne County, Pa. That was a Republican ploy to ensure the Green Party's U.S. Senate candidate got on the ballot in an effort to peel votes away from Democrat Bob Casey and help Republican Rick Santorum. The effort failed and Casey won. So far, Prince has stayed out of presidential campaign donations. However, his family members have given to former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney. Prince's lineage includes his late father, Edgar, who owned a large auto parts company in Michigan and was a major donor and advisor to Christian conservative Gary Bauer, a past GOP presidential candidate. Prince?s mother, Elsa Prince, has donated $140,000 to federal Republican causes and candidates in the last decade. His sister, Betsy, is a former chair of the Michigan Republican Party who has given at least $61,000 to Republican campaigns on the federal level since 1997. Betsy?s husband is Richard DeVos, who hails from the family that founded Amway. He ran unsuccessfully for Michigan governor in 2006. The Republican stalwart has given more than $2 million to federal causes and candidates in the last 10 years, FEC records show.
Thursday, October 4. 2007Iraq purchasing Chinese armsHave you heard the US is too slow in providing the Iraqi police small arms, so Iraq is buying $100 million worth of small arms from China? This is on top of the Iraqis being unable to account for 190,000 weapons the US has already provided. And they are probably buying them with our money! The real kick in the pants regarding this whole thing is that ALL of the weapons, or at least most of them, are probably going to "insurgents. That's right, the guys (and gals) that are killing our soldiers. And, it's day 1,618 after some idiot in a flight suit announced, "Mission Accomplished!"
Wednesday, September 26. 2007David McSwane's F**K BUSH makes for unhappy Colorado State University StudentsColorado State University, In Fort Collins September 21, David McSwane, the editor-in-chief of The Rocky Mountain Collegian, might lose his job for printing “F**K Bush” on the Collegian’s opinion page last week.
Wednesday, September 26. 2007George Bush Loves the UN!Responding to inquiries regarding the President’s activities at the UN, White House Press Secretary announced Tuesday morning "The speech is about liberation and how liberation from poverty, disease, hunger, tyranny and oppression and ignorance can lift people up out of poverty and despair. The U.N.'s core mission is in line with that and that's what we should all be working toward."
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