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Friday, April 17. 2009Republican Tea Party 1995 This weeks' Tea Parties reminded of writing this piece on Republican Tea Parties 15 years ago. Still topical as the war on drugs proceeds, Newt Gingrich is running for President, Dick Armey (who at the time called Barney Frank a FAG) is the main sponsor of Today's Tea Parties, and Tom DeLay is still disgusting... Of Barneyfags and Bitches
Alice soon happened upon a very long table in the woods occupied by three very strange characters. A droopy faced Dormouse snoozed in a chair much larger than he seemed to belong in, while the oblivious leader, a cherub faced gray haired individual with a large top hat, madly ran up and down the long table kicking off whatever old things he found in his way while a March Hare followed behind replacing the empty spaces with what they decided were newer and much better things. " Out with the old!" Cried the Hatter kicking away. " In with the new!" Shouted the March Hare dropping newer and better objects in the empty areas. " Hello." Interrupted Alice, " May I sit down?" " No room. No room. Can' t you see we are busy making things new! We are the government and too busy for you." " There is more than enough room. All I see is you breaking things while that strange rabbit runs behind you dropping old lumps of coal everywhere you' ve been. I' m sitting down anyway thank you kindly." Alice said placing herself in a chair next to the snoring Dormouse who after its snottering inhale, released a descending " barneyfag..."
" What is a barneyfag?" Alice inquired of the Hatter, who now with
hammer in hand was smashing flower filled vases in the center of the
table.
" I can' t really make much sense of that, but if it' s suppose to be a
poem, its poorly done. Could I bother you for a small cup of tea
please?" " Tea? Poems? Tea and poems are for those who spend their time thinking and reading, an awful waste of time when they could be hammering and beating" , rhymed the Hatter who was now at the end of the table jumping up and down on some old documents in a glass case. Soon he moved back toward Alice and the Dormouse, pausing while the March Hare moved a large stack of framed paintings from a chair up on the table. Alternately, they then picked up paintings and smashed them down over each other' s head, soon waddling about with their bodies caged in rectangular frames. " What are you doing to all those lovely pictures?" Alice asked. " What we are doing is not looking at them but using them. We drink no tea, we read no poetry and we would rather look down on you than up at pictures. Have you not noticed how big we are up here on the table and how very small you are down there in the chair." The Dormouse woke, looked up, and hoisting his chair up on the table looked down on Alice dozing off once again, " barneyfag..." . After the table had been cleared of all the bad old things and replaced with the newer and better things the Hatter trampled over the broken leftovers to where Alice sat to declare, " Our ungovernment won and the party' s begun!" " Oh, I like parties," Alice said, " What is the party for?" " You are not invited so it shouldn' t matter to you. This is a party you are not welcome to. You are neither a Dormouse, nor a Hare nor a Hatter, nor anyone else with enough value to matter." " I am a little girl," Alice replied, " I can' t see why I can' t be included in the party." " She has money! Well that changes everything. Welcome to our party. Have some tea!" The clinking of coins and offer of tea woke the fat little Dormouse while the March Hare reached under the table piling large birthday cakes upon it." Then the party normal joined hands and skipped around in circles while occasionally bending over and gobbling up hunks of cake with their faces singing their party song. " A very merry ungovernment to us, to us. A very merry ungovernment to you to you..."
" No. Absolutely not. The cake is ours. The coal is for you. Take all
you want." Cried the Hatter as he and the Dormouse fought over more
frosting. Alice soon had about enough of their rudeness and asked, " How can you be the government and the ungovernment at the same time? It makes about as much sense as those Tweedle brothers did." " Our ungovernment does not answer questions unless you pay for them in advance." The Hatter replied. " In that case let me phrase it differently. I am absolutely famished, give me some cake." Alice didn' t ask. " Our ungovernment hears no demands, but if you wish some cake then pay for it first. Do you have cake money?" " You just took all my money." " That was tea money not cake money. You have no money, you get no cake." " And there' s a lot more that you won' t be getting. Our ungovernment does not give things away, especially to abnormal little girls who refuse to work. Our ungovernment has learned that giving hungry people food turns them into silly people who do nothing but sing and dance all day." " I' ll work," Alice replied, " What would you like me to do?" " There is no work. We the government of the ungovernment are not responsible for work that isn' t there, that is the beauty of an ungovernment." " Well this isn' t a very nice party and I' ll just be on my way if it' s all right with you." "
Stop! Before you go you must be searched, that is the ungovernment
rule." The Hatter then directed the Hare and the Dormouse to hold Alice
down on the table. " Strike one!" Screamed the Dormouse sucking his thumb. " And what do we call it when someone possesses 'eatmes' with intent to distribute?" More Political Satire by Rack Jite Friday, February 6. 2009video, Will Ferrell Plays Bush On Broadway: You are Welcome, AmericaWill Ferrell's foray on Broadway, playing the president who was above it all for so long, promises to be well worth the price of admission - if anyone is working. Otherwise, it will just be an audience of Bank CEO's and the like. Facebook | Digg | Reddit | Stumble | Buzz it! | Email Article | Thursday, January 8. 2009video Olbermanns Bushed: Medal of Freedom GateLaura's book, Bush Social Security reform...not Facebook | Digg | Reddit | Stumble | Buzz it! | Email Article | Wednesday, December 31. 2008Video: JibJab: comedic 2008 in ReviewWednesday, December 24. 2008Bernard Madoff Still Alive, photosRene-Thierry Magon de la Villehuchet, 65, was found sitting at his desk at about 8 a.m. with both wrists slashed, NYPD spokesman Paul Browne said. A box cutter was found on the floor along with a bottle of sleeping pills on his desk. No suicide note was found. NYPD: Madoff investor commits suicide in office
Though rather expensive, this hefty hammer can do the job. If pounding on the glass fails, the backside can by used to dig out whatever weather stripping may be holding the entire unit in. The extra expense should not be that much of an issue under the circumstances. Wednesday, December 17. 2008Dave Chappelle, the Reparations Video is Obama BackNoteworthy blast from the past... Die laughing funny. It makes a liberal feel guilty laughing so hard! Now 6 years later with Barack Obama a month away from the White House it has become noteworthy once again. Facebook | Digg | Reddit | Stumble | Buzz it! | Email Article | Saturday, November 22. 2008Obama's Use of Complete Sentences Stirs Controversy And Stunning Break with Last Eight Years
In the first two weeks since the election, President-elect Barack Obama has broken with a tradition established over the past eight years through his controversial use of complete sentences, political
observers say.
Millions of Americans who watched Mr. Obama's appearance on CBS' "Sixty Minutes" on Sunday witnessed the president-elect's unorthodox verbal tick, which had Mr. Obama employing grammatically correct sentences virtually every time he opened his mouth. But Mr. Obama's decision to use complete sentences in his public pronouncements carries with it certain risks, since after the last eight years many Americans may find his odd speaking style jarring. According to presidential historian Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota, some Americans might find it "alienating" to have a President who speaks English as if it were his first language."Every time Obama opens his mouth, his subjects and verbs are in agreement," says Mr. Logsdon. "If he keeps it up, he is running the risk of sounding like an elitist." The historian said that if Mr. Obama insists on using complete sentences in his speeches, the public may find itself saying, "Okay, subject, predicate, subject predicate - we get it, stop showing off." The President-elect's stubborn insistence on using complete sentences has already attracted a rebuke from one of his harshest critics, Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska. "Talking with complete sentences there and also too talking in a way that ordinary Americans like Joe the Plumber and Tito the Builder can't really do there, I think needing to do that isn't tapping into what Americans are needing also," she said. Many thanks to www.borowitzreport.com who generously invited readers to pass this along to friends. Facebook | Digg | Reddit | Stumble | Buzz it! | Email Article | Saturday, November 1. 2008Real American Quentin Patrick shoots Trick or TreaterQuentin Patrick 22 emptied his AK47 assault rifle (29 times) into the door when someone knocked for trick or treats Friday evening killing 12-year-old T.J. Darrisaw and wounding his father and younger brother. I have been searching for a photo of Quentin the Real American and... wait... I just found one, here ya go. Sarah Palin's Real American! Facebook | Digg | Reddit | Stumble | Buzz it! | Email Article |Monday, October 13. 2008The White Man' s Plight in the New World, Columbus Day Special"They do not bear arms, and do not know of them, for I showed them a sword, they took it by the edge and cut themselves out of ignorance, They would make fine servants. With 50 men we could subjugate them all and make them do whatever we want. Let us in the name of the Holy Trinity go on sending all the slaves that can be sold." Christopher Columbus. " Aborigines - Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber: they fertilize." Ambrose Bierce It was 1492 when the lamentable plight of the Whiteman began in the New World. Whitemen had to work very hard destroying the indigenous cultures and eliminate the native populations. Not only was it a big job taking many years, but it was often dangerous precariously sitting atop war horses running down stone-age men, women and children; lopping off their body parts. Animals were known to rear and old fashion muskets and cannon would often backfire causing serious injuries to the Whitemen. Neither was it an easy chore whipping and overseeing the human caravans of thump-lined natives hauling all that gold the long distances back to the ships under the hot topical sun. The story was repeated a few centuries later in the Northern climes. Soon Whitemen had killed or caused the death by disease of 90% of the indigenous population there too, and they didn' t even have any gold. This was not always as much fun as it sounds, for sometimes Whitemen got hurt and a few even got killed when some natives had the audacity to fight back. It was an awful time for Whitemen. Soon the Whitemen had to import slaves to do the work that they themselves didn' t like doing, but soon found being a slave owner was not all it was cracked up to be. Some Africans resented being slaves, which is hard to imagine as the Whitemen shelled out a lot of time and money feeding them and building hovels for them to live in. Believe it or not, many of the slaves actually complained about free room and board! Sometimes, when the Whitemen needed cash, they would have to suffer the loss of some of their laborers by breaking up slave families and selling them off. On occasion, having one' s children or spouse sold away would upset some of these three-quarter humans to the extent that they had the impudence to run away! The Whitemen would then have to take time off to chase them down with dogs, capture them, shackle them (shackles were not free) and punish them by beatings or sometimes having to crush their feet so they could not run away again. This physical punishment was dirty sweaty menial work for the Whitemen and as it was usually quite hot and muggy where the slave owners lived, they often got dirty, winded and dizzy doing God' s work. Though hanging disobedient slaves was not a common occurrence, it was used on occasion to instill fear of the serious retribution involved in becoming a runaway, but when dictated it was very hard on the Whitemen' s pocketbook. So here again, Whitemen suffered the mental pain and anguish of deciding whether to whip, cripple or kill their slaves, not always an easy decision. Another unattractive business for the Whitemen was having to force the female slaves to have sex with them. They would have to go down to the dirty slave quarters to have their fun so their wives, children and neighbors wouldn' t know. Remember, these were the days before air conditioning so Whitemen often perspired profusely under the physical stain. Speaking of wives, the Whitemen also had to make their women understand that they too were slaves, and having no rights, must submit to sex on demand. It just added insult to injury for a Whiteman to have to come home from a long day of slapping slaves around to have to do the same to his womenfolk. Soon a great civil war forced the Whitemen to disband slavery and start paying for labor or doing it themselves. So they kept these newly declared now-five-fifths-human African-Americans in poverty and squalor to make sure they understood who was boss no matter what the government or anyone else had to say about it. Whether urban or rural, it was hard work keeping such hopeless people in line, but with persistence and good planning the Whitemen accomplished it for a hundred more years. Toward the end of the 20th Century it got real scary for Whitemen as the now humans sometimes burned things down. They did it where they lived rather than where the Whitemen lived, but it was still painful to the Whitemen' s sense of security. To make matters worse, sometimes a few of the now humans would sneak out of their ghettos and actually steal and rob from the Whitemen themselves! There is no doubt the Whitemen suffered great harm for centuries nor that things have gotten worse for them in recent times. A small percentage of now humans and even some women were getting a small degree of special treatment in education and job opportunities; entering Whitemen' s schools, police forces, fire departments and bureaucracies to make up for past and present discrimination. This unfairness has so upset Whitemen they often do the only thing they can do to alleviate the pressure. They buy a bunch of big guns and go to workplaces, restaurants, and post offices to shoot down whoever happens to be around. It' s a terrible burden to be Whitemen in this society, and don' t kid yourself, you have to be White to understand the pain. Tuesday, August 26. 2008Red State Fashion Hits the Runway, New This Season With Cutaway-Tease-Alls
It has finally arrived boys. No wonder the cat-walk is a-buzz!
With the sexy cut-away patented "tease-all" belly, they truly are one-size-fits-all. Your hard-earned beer belly will be displayed as it well should be, also giving extra exposure for tattoos, or billboard space. Or, with imagination, you could wear them backward for an entirely new look. All of this style, yet they offer even more comfort than the classics you've loved for decades! Seem impossible? The expanding waist....now has no limit! They still afford easily accessible scratching, and the same optional one or two hooks to strap or not. Be it a night on the town, a steamy night with the livestock, or a shotgun wedding, you'll make a statement wherever you go. Tres Chic Bubba! Facebook | Digg | Reddit | Stumble | Buzz it! | Email Article | Saturday, May 17. 2008Ted Kennedy Rushed to Hospital, is Hillary ResponsibleSenator Edward Kennedy was rushed to the hospital today. Thus far no hard facts have come by to blame Hillary Clinton though cable media and the liberal blogosphere are diligently investigating her involvement. Remember it was only a week ago that Senator Clinton said "white people" to describe white people! Execution scheduled soon. On a related story to a question I asked yesterday, it seems the media will soon declare Barack Obama better than beer and bigger the Jesus. Facebook | Digg | Reddit | Stumble | Buzz it! | Email Article | |
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