Bizarre News

Today we present further proof that the road to hell is paved with the best of intentions. An Elk Grove, California elementary school teacher came up with a truly wonderful and thoughtful idea for an end of the school year gift for her 24 students. Each student received a DVD she'd made featuring class memories, something to treasure all of their lives. For our reasons, we'll refer to her as the virginal Miss Crump of the Andy Griffith show.

The DVD turned out to be an unexpected treasure. A parent phoned the teacher to inform her that in the middle of a scene where the children were sharing stories, was a six second interlude which somehow was accidentally spliced in. This would just be a mere glitch if not for the content of the six seconds of infamy. It too was a memory, but not one which included the class, it was the unforgettable vision of "Miss Crump" having sex on her sofa.

The panicked teacher phoned every household encouraging them to destroy the unviewed DVD's. You can bet that interested more than a few parents who had probably tossed it aside! It will no doubt be viral within moments, grown-ups being notorious for not following directions.

The school district also meaning well sent a letter to all parents asking them to return the DVD's, then admitting defeat asked that they be destroyed. There is no word on Mss Crump's job security, she sounds like a truly caring teacher, who happens to be a bit inept with the tech world, and happens to have a sex life.

It's hard to imagine that at the turn of the century and a bit beyond, teachers were expected to give up their jobs when they married, could be fired for consorting with a man, had a strict curfew and rules of conduct and job expectations which make the life of a cloistered nun sound enviable, lousy pay, and generally lodged with the greedy parent of a student - all the better to save school district money, and keep an eye on her. Is it any wonder few men toiled in the one room school houses? We've come a long way baby, let's hope it's far enough for Miss C to keep her job! CA Teacher Gives X Rated Class Memories DVD To Students...Oops!
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Best Advice From A Higher Being: This goes hands down to Joe the alleged Plumber. Much like David Shuster, who is filling in for Keith, I hope the "Big Guy" will change his mind, and give Joe the go-ahead. After all, the horses the GOP have been betting on are coming up rather lame this week. Think Palin and Sanford. As you'll see, when asked by an interviewer, as to whether Joe's future plans involve running for public office. See Best for yourself to experience the agony of defeat as Joe explains, as only he can, how he'd discussed this with God. The answer, much like the great Biblical answers passed down through history, was "He was like, 'No'" Another plus if Joe's "boss" changes his mind, and says "Like, yah..ya know. Run for it Joe!" Hey, at last he'd have an official title, Joe the Candidate, then Joe the former candidate, but enough of this confusing plumber business!

Best New Law: It's difficult to argue with this one! Lawmakers have passed the Oklahoma Eye Tattoo Law. I assumed they were speaking of merely outlining the eye in a kohl pencil type of look, and being a bit reactionary. Oh how wrong I was! Who knew that a qualified Opthamolotist would inject permanent ink into the whites of one's eyes, all the better to appear to be a real zombie! The problem is, that they have an inordinate number of red and purple eyed blind zombies stumbling around from this dangerous practice. They're passing the law knowing full well, the fun seekers will hop across the border to Kansas for a little Zombie make-over.

Best Assault and Subsequent Arrest Using a Salted Weapon: Perhaps the first arrest for using harmless looking Cheetos puffed snacks. James Earl Taylor and Mary S. Childers were apparently having a discussion which led to a disagreement. Verbal abuse turned to physical abuse - using the little cheesy puffs! They would leave a nasty semi-permanent yellow-orange dye on you and your clothing, but the fight was drastic enough for police to arrest them for domestic assault. This, I regret we cannot see in technicolor! It's just fortunate they were not moved to BB-Q that day,else they might have had skewers, or rib bones lying around! Digg | Reddit | Stumble | Buzz it! | Email Article |

Police desk, Warren, Ohio. Police thought they were questioning only the woman in the strapless green dress, which gave every indication that it might not stay up by itself. Imagine their astonishment when a furry baby squirrel popped right out from between her bosoms to say hello!

What are they doing over there? In a Japanese airport, a cupcake is seen strolling through the busy terminal, he is through some twist, known only to the advertising agency - a walking advertisement for the airport personnel's new vehicles, which could easily be mistaken for a cracked egg, used to make the batch of cupcakes. Digg | Reddit | Stumble | Buzz it! | Email Article |

The security guard at Stephen Murdock's apartment complex noticed that someone was in the workout room after the posted closing hours. On closer inspection, the guard saw - The Image, the vision which won't soon been erased from his memory. Murdock, hiding behind some exercise equipment, was viewing porn on a laptop. His ensemble was truly eye catching. Murdock was decked out in a bustier, miniskirt, fishnet hose, and of course heels, as he hid in the darkened bastion of health and fitness.

Mini skirted 47-year-old Murdock was said by police to be sweating profusely, and talking rapidly, which leaves menopause out. A check of his bag, Gucci perhaps, rewarded police with a stash of marijuana, methamphetamine, and pipes. You know the rest. For Murdock's sake, let's hope the other prisoners in the holding cell were open minded to alternative lifestyles, and appreciated the effort it takes to hitch up and strap on all of that gear, not to mention how his feet must have been killing him. As Billy Crystal's Fernando says 'Tis more important to look good than to feeel good." Mini Skirt and Bustier Wearing CA Man Busted For Drugs While Viewing Porn  Digg | Reddit | Stumble | Buzz it! | Email Article |

Best Disguise, and distraction for a snatch and grab robbery goes to the naked streaker passing with the speed of winged Mercury through a Langley BC Wendy'drive through. To think, they wanted the bemused ladies to describe him.

Best Hidden Hype: The American Motion Picture Association. Increasing "best of" nominees from five to ten pictures. What could be their motivation?

Best Realist: Lt. Colonel Joe Repya, former Republican, who feels the Republican party is in a death spiral. He's decided to stop enabling their bad behavior and call it quits. Hear why on Best persons in the World! Digg | Reddit | Stumble | Buzz it! | Email Article |

The Fargodome in North Dakota has a strict one puke only policy and yer outta there! The nice lady who accompanied her son is the mother of 26-year-old Stark County, N.D sheriff's deputy Justin Krohmer - the puker, and also the wife of the Ada, Minn. police chief.

Both mother and son were arrested after son painted the people in front of him with the reeking contents of his stomach. It was not said whether he was a secret music reviewer or simply had a bit too much "tonic water" before the show. Despite their law enforcement connections, the two did not leave peacefully. Apparently not embarrassed by what he'd done to the people directly in front of him, and lacking a sense of smell, he was planning to stay and declined the suggestion to leave.

Justin Krohmer "pulled away, kicked and swung his arms, and struggled with officers who were trying to escort him out." Mom, Susan Krohmer, "was physically pushing the poice officers while they were dealing with Justin, said police. Both were booked into Cass County jail, where Justin is facing charges of disorderly conduct and resisting an officer, both Class B misdemeanors. Susan Krohmer, 47, of Ada, was arrested on suspicion of disorderly conduct and obstructing a public officer. There is nothing like a great evening of all American entertainment to bring a family together, thank you Kenny Chesney! Deputy and Mother Refuse to Leave Chesney Concert After Vomiting On Concertgoers
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They do edit newspaper headlines don't they? The editor of this paper in Wisconsin, famous for cheese, had a somewhat smelly sense of humor.

Tone Pene has been fighting the battle of the bomb vs cockroaches every four months like clock work. The latest battle wreaked distruction of a magnitude he hadn't planned, a million dollars worth to be exact. By the way, the cockroaches are alive and thriving. See what he did in Best Person in the World!

John Nelson takes the prize for Best self written obituary. I'm not certain whether Keith Richards should be flattered or not, but it is extremely funny! No more hints, it's a must see on Best! Digg | Reddit | Stumble | Buzz it! | Email Article |

In keeping with business news, ace reporter Newscat passes onto you what drops on her desk. Sorry, I had to get it off of there! You know those dumb ideas you get, that you dismiss as too silly to sell? Someone didn't dismiss the Snuggly, or what is being called rather bluntly,"The first significant development in butt-wiping technology in 100 years." Just keep dreaming those dreams, maybe one day yours will come true on four o' clock infomercials too! Digg | Reddit | Stumble | Buzz it! | Email Article |

As you can see, even through the efforts of the Tea bagging organizer, the Letterman protest can be counted in the ....well, on my hands. Some nice friendships were formed however!

Eighteen year old girl asked for three small stars to be tattooed on her face, and plans to sue. Never fall asleep, or this could happen to you! Today, in a first-person interview with the tattoo artist, we learn how the incident happened! More accurately, in trying to understand his explanation, and - honestly seeing him, we well see how it could have happened! Buyer beware? Digg | Reddit | Stumble | Buzz it! | Email Article |

No need to despair at the sad news of the closure of many Starbucks stores, at least not for some in Ballard, WA. Following a trend of the uncertain success of similar enterprises by others, which seemed to bring out the worst of the exhibitionists and other disruptive characters at times, Mike Rockey will bring his brand of morning wake-up to the Northwest. More accurately, he will add his brand to many similar coffee stands which have taken root. The photo above is from just one such enterprise. Others with a similar idea in the greater Seattle area are; Seattle's Cowgirls, Moka Girls in Auburn, The Sweet Spot Cafe in Shoreline, Bikini Espresso in Renton and Natte Latte in Port Orchard, just to name a few.

"Knotty Bodies Espresso" will open next month. Need I make mention that the owner describes it as "classy." Classy being a word which I've found to be an assurance of the exact opposite, nothing personal to Mr. Rockey. Girls handling steaming hot espresso will be wearing bikinis and lingerie, but "not pasties or other revealing clothing. Assuring Ballard residents further he adds,"You see more at the beach than what you're going to see here."

The selection process was via the primo job / partner finding resource in the world, Craigs List, with more than 200 people responding for the five job openings. Rockey says he understands that this isn't the coffee shop for everyone, and will be launching with a car wash in July, ostensibly to raise money for Children's Hospital. Got it? It's for charity, you won't be gaping at barely clad women washing your car in soaking wet bikinis and underwear! Bikini, Lingerie Clad Girls Pour Coffee in New Seattle Area Stand
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