True Stories

Recently I received an email joke from a republican friend. Yes, and I admit it upfront, I have a few. Republican friends that is. Basically the joke was about Hillary and Fred Thompson and their encounter with a homeless person on the street.

In the joke Fred gives the homeless person $20. and his business card to come see him, supposedly to seek employment. Upon meeting another homeless person, Hillary, apparently learning from this compassionate conservative gesture, takes another $20, only out of Fred's pocket, and gives the homeless person directions to the welfare office while keeping fifteen of the twenty bucks for expenses.

This is how the republican mind works, like my friend thought I would find this humorous while making a strong conservative point.

Normally I would ignore this shit for the sake of friendship, but this was so blatantly outrageous, so insulting and upside down to reality, that I decided to respond. Below is my response to him, and I even used his real name, Ron.

Poor joke Ron.

Fred's running for the party that created record deficits, attacked and occupied a third world country that was no threat to us at the cost of hundreds of billions of dollars and untold tens of thousands of lives, not to mention alienating every other country on the planet.

Hillary's running for the party that balanced the budget, created a record surplus, and presided over this peace and prosperity for 8 uninterrupted years.

Bill can walk down any street on earth and will be mobbed with affection. Bush can't even vacation on his ranch in Crawford without protestors.

But....Bill lied about a blow job and every right wing nut, most of them religiously insane, have been in a frenzy screaming, "Clinton bad," every time Bush and his crew create another fuck up. Is this a good time to bring up the fact that every sex scandal the past six and a half years has involved republicans and church authorities?

No one gets killed lying about sex, but as we're finding out, way too many people lose their lives when we get lied into war.

Serious and intelligent conservatives are converting from the "dark side," and moving over. (check out Kansas). As a recovering conservative, I did. We all have choices and can make up our own minds, but the choice is not whether America is the greatest nation, the choice is are we doing the best we can. Clearly we're not because of prejudices and propaganda created by Fox News, Rush, Hannity, and the rest of the right wing noise machine.

You may not appreciate what I'm writing, and that's okay, but basically here's what happened; Rove and Bush gamed the political system to win elections. Where they went wrong is they didn't know how to govern shit. Katrina is a quick example. Meanwhile, Cheney and the rest of the neo-cons took advantage of 9/11 to push their PNAC, Project for a new American Century, ideological agenda, to imperially control the world as the sole-surviving super power.

Obviously this isn't going to happen and what's ironic is that America started out as a nation fighting against imperial control to escape a previous King George.

Ron, history does indeed repeat itself.

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Pit Bulls Break Into Home - Maul, Nearly Kill Woman

Here in the dumbass bog lands, a timely story just crossed my desk. In the midst of the Vick bru-ha-ha about fighting dogs, this story highlights just how incredibly irresponsible and moronic some of the owners of these dogs are. Can’t afford a Corvette, get a macho dog and make it mean. It will serve as a machismo booster.

A woman on the key peninsula, a part of Pierce County, WA had a horrifying experience. Asleep in bed, she awoke being mauled savagely It wasn’t an armed intruder, or homicidal maniac. She was being attacked by two pit bulls on the loose. .They had gained access to her home through the pet door, killed a Jack Russell Terrier belonging to a neighbor, which had likely heard the noise and come over to investigate, they then tore into the sleeping woman. Pierce County Sheriff Spokesman Ed Troyer said “It’s probably the worst mauling our guys have ever seen.” The woman attempted to shoot the dogs, then broke away and locked herself in her car, where she called 911. Firefighters arrived within minutes, animal control in a couple of hours.

 She was transported by ambulance to a hospital where she’s still being treated. Officers “had to pepper spray and fight the dogs until they were detained, we almost had to shoot them on site” said Troyer. They’re at the humane society where they’ll probably be destroyed anyway, at the time of this article they hadn’t spoken to the owners yet. I for one, would certainly love to know what the owners would have to say for the actions of their dogs – and themselves, and why they felt at liberty to let them roam. The dogs will be destroyed, while not an advocate of capitol punishment, it almost seems reasonable in the case of these dog owners as well. What could be a reasonable punishment or retribution for this cruelty and carelessness?http://www.thenewstribune.com/tacoma/24hour/nation/story/138339.html   8/21/07 The News Tribune

Posted by Newscat in True Stories at 02:05 Comment (1)

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Saturday, August 18. 2007

Namesake School Misprints Name, Madison Not Amused

Dateline: America The Dim. We are NOT stupid, and we are edjumicating your children to the bestest and highest standards in the land. My Pet Goat is required reading, but that isn’t the only thing presidential we share here in Ogden. Our new elementary school shares a name with a former president. Most board members voted May 23rd for the name Madison because it’s the street which runs beside the school. Once the fact emerged, several allowed that Madison had been a great president. It is not clear how many actually claim to remember his term in office.

The American Dream Foundation was kind enough to donate a large portrait and plaque, firmly cementing our connection with former president James Madison, or James A. Madison as it is spelled on the letterhead, and was scheduled to be painted on the sign.

Before the first letter was engraved on that sign, a nit picking history teacher pointed out that there is no A in the president’s name, even if it does sound better with one. Not one to let sleeping does lie, he insisted we remove the A, though it means turning reams of letterhead into scratch paper, he’s like that. We must change it anyway, school board member and head of the American Dream Association John Gullo stated "I’m blindsided, I hate to be embarrassed”.

Members of the smoking lounge in the furnace room agree that if we’d simply stuck to the name of the street, none of this kerfuffle would have come up from putting on airs and trying to identify with a president.

Read rest of School gets president's name wrong here REUTERS 8/17/07

Posted by Newscat in True Stories at 23:05 Comments (2)

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Tuesday, August 14. 2007

Guns Safe is Foolproof – Until Kids Crack the Code

Somewhere in Bass-ackwards, USA a modern day June Cleaver feels secure because “Ward” has assured her that his arsenal of funs are perfectly safe from the kids who often romp around their home unsupervised with pals. Why does she feel so secure? Well, shucks honey, because we have a gun safe! You can’t open these babies without the code, June. They’re foolproof. Yes ma’am, this steel reinforced baby has a super secure, modern key less lock and is state of the art, no worries!

This may be the thinking of many parents and others who feel their guns are safely put away. This would be wrong thinking, since a 10 year old boy, his older brother, and a cousin came across one of those super safes at Sam’s Club.

Mom claims she was distracted for only five minutes. In that five minutes, the boys played with the key pad on the lock and managed to open the door to the 5' by 30” safe. This indicates a vocational tendency toward cat burglary, or more likely he’s a normal kid. Of course, the 10 yr old crawled in to see how it looked from that vantage point which is when it was discovered that while he couldn’t be locked out, he certainly could be locked in. While the fire department prepared to force the door, employees placed a frantic call to the manufacturer. Fortunately there was an override code, unfortunately another safety feature was a five minute delay so the code cannot immediately be changed. Obviously the manufacturer was thinking of emergencies where people would be on the outside, the guns inside. This gave the 10 year old more than enough time to examine the inside, and become hot and frightened.

As with most things which require a keypad, the manufacturer might consider employing a team of kids to safety check these things, it would be well worth the money. In their off time, the group could travel the country programming digital clocks, DVD’s, VCR’s and other every day devices which are still a mystery for some, but seem to come naturally to those in a certain age range. I can even imagine national competitions. It makes more sense than stuffing hot dogs, and might help the industry. I know they could beat their personal best now that they're more familiar with the lock system.Read rest of story here AP 8/14/07

Posted by Newscat in True Stories at 20:36 Comment (1)

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Monday, August 13. 2007

Whose Urine Is It Anyway?

Only in this era and country could someone make headlines by attempting to retrieve his own urine. It’s his, he made it, why can’t he have it? Oh yes, it was taken by the probation department, so it truly isn’t his anymore. It’s a potential weapon to send him to jail if he’s ingested anything unapproved. Twenty three year old Joseph Klinkman is on probation for possession of a controlled substance. I believe this was in the paper as a “stupid criminal” article. I just can’t fetch up a yuk, I’m sorry dear readers. I’d venture to guess that if you live in a town of over 60 people, you probably have one or more programs like the PACT program our hero was attending. They’re arms of the probation department, and while they claim to provide services to witnesses, offenders, and ex offenders, truly what they do at great expense, is collect urine.

First time donor that afternoon, Klinkman panicked when he realized that they would check for substances other than the one he was already in trouble for possessing. In a hasty move to get rid of the evidence, lest he go to jail, he broke into the PACT office and removed the urine sample he’d given as well as that of a friend.

His foibles were the yuk of the day. Chief Probation Officer Neal Harmon said he had never seen such a theft in his 37 years on the job. “Generally people don’t have a desire to retrieve their own urine” he said. Cue laugh track here. I might add that generally people do not have a desire to collect urine from other people.

If you’re not among those who are having your pee checked, I’d venture a guess that you’re either self employed, a CEO, or just darned lucky. Due to the failed war on drugs, now the war on patients and doctors, as well as the jobs created from programs like PACT, pee collection is the new growth industry as Rackjite has stated. It’s not just for drug abusers and criminals anymore, though the right to have your own bodily fluids kept private could be debated even under those circumstances. Do you have a problem with giving a sample when seeing a doctor for certain medications, or applying for a new job, presuming you’re not an airline pilot or neurosurgeon?read rest of  Man Charged with stealing urine samples here  AP 8/10/07

Posted by Newscat in True Stories at 07:26 Comments (3)

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Sunday, August 5. 2007

How To Stay Unemployed

Real Life Interview Blunders to Avoid Reported by Robert Half, one of the largest job referral agencies in the U.S.

Some people just can’t catch a break, others are hopeless and  jobless,  for good reason .. Hiring managers were asked to name the strangest things they had ever heard during a job interview, a few of the results follow.

I Just Called To Say I Love You..

One enthusiastic applicant fielded only the first few questions before he absolutely had to pick his cell phone up and call his parents to tell them that the interview was going very well, while the hiring manager waited.

Don’t Fence Me In

A job seeker halted the conversation about work hours and office environment. She stated that she didn’t like being confined to a building, but would consider taking the job if she could move her desk to the courtyard outside.

Tell It Like It Is

When the applicant was asked by the hiring manager why she was leaving her current job, she proclaimed, “My manager is a jerk. All managers are jerks.”

But I’ll Be True To You

After arriving for an early morning interview, the job seeker asked to use the hiring manager’s phone. She proceeded to fake a coughing fit as she called in sick to her present boss.

Read rest of article here including tips for making a good impression

Posted by Newscat in True Stories at 22:11 Comments (3)

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Friday, August 3. 2007

But Mamma, My Allowance!

I have bad news for any women who prefer the good looks of men they’ve spotted in Italy. Maybe they couldn't even resist a vacation fling. If so, it may be a good thing it ended at fling. It seems that there often is many a downside, as demonstrated by the following story which recently hit the news.

I learned that it is not uncommon for most Italian men to still live at home late into their 30’s, enjoying their “mamma’s” cooking, washing, and ironing. Think about how you would fit into that tight little family circle, and it’s highly doubtful you’d ever make anything as good as mamma’s, especially if she’s still around to critique it all, wanting only the best for her mama’s boy.

Consider the story of one Sicilian mother who took away her son’s house keys, cut off his allowance, and hauled him to the police station because he stayed out late. She’s perfectly within her rights, you may be thinking.

The catch is that the son is 61 years old! He’ll be lucky to get back into her loving good graces again. Mamma reached her boiling point the last evening when he came home late, as she told police. She also told them that he frequently stayed out late without telling her,” and is never happy about my food, this can’t go on”. I doubt he helped matters when he rejoined with saying that his mama did not give him a big enough weekly allowance and the unforgivable – she did not know how to cook!

Rather than locking him up, they sent the two home, he with his key and allowance, hopefully with newfound respect for his mamma. Wouldn’t you love to hear what the police said afterward? REUTERS 8/2/07

http://news.yahoo.com Read rest of story here 

Posted by Newscat in True Stories at 23:21 Comments (5)

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Friday, August 3. 2007

Bridge Disaster Waiting To Happen Near You? Very Likely

I had absolutely no idea of what Patty Murray D-WA of the rain soaked, bog brained Pacific Northwest actually did until the recent and tragic bridge collapse. Today we heard from her, It turns out that she leads the Senate panel which controls transportation spending. Murray states that her hands have been tied. She bemoans the fact that the Bush administration has threatened vetoes when her committee mentioned raising such spending. So, now we know what she does, nothing when faced with a potential no. White House spokesman Charlie McCarthy, refused to address the matter more than to say that it was just partisan propaganda from the Democrats.

Take this propaganda Bushie. The headline story today said that 70,000 plus bridge disasters are just waiting to happen. Far from hyperbole, these are but the bridges similar to the one in Minnesota, some built as late as 1999. Engineers say it would take at least 20 years and 188 billion to fix them. That seems like a lot of money until you consider that the running total for the war in Iraq moves to quickly to jot down, a few minutes ago it was flying by in the neighborhood of $448,869,680,800, but judging by the blur as the numbers whizzed past, I’d guess it’s up to $500 billion by now and moving, five minutes later.

Family values folks should avert their eyes, for surely this is obscene in a country where education, healthcare, homelessness, and even bridges could be addressed with the amount of money this will ultimately cost us, and I’m not factoring in loss of life, perhaps the largest obscenity of all. Oh, and as for Patty, you should have seen who ran against her. Read rest of story here                         AP The News Tribune.com 8/3/07

Posted by Newscat in True Stories at 20:14 Comments (4)

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Tuesday, July 31. 2007

Internet Feud Sparks Violence

In this idiot filled world which spills over onto the internet, feelings run deep as JohnG.Anderson learned. Anderson 59, an ex Marine and Viet Nam Vet, joined an innocuous sounding picture sharing website, where he expressed his views and artwork. Finding the net is often filled with morons hiding behind monitors, he felt the need to block some people for foul language. The blocked no doubt feeling the unfairness of it all, retaliated by posting obscene photo shopped pictures of him. One of those blocked was 27 year old , highly decorated Navy man Russell Tavares. After trading barbs, Anderson as “Johnny Darkness”, and tellingly, Tavares as “Pyro Dice” things escalated. Anderson called Tavares the worst thing possible. Cover your eyes if you must, Anderson called Tavares a “nerd”.

Thus began Tavares’ 1,300 mile trek from Virgina to Elm Mott, Texas , marking his progress by posting photos showing the welcome signs at state borders for those following online to see. Upon arrival, Tavares did what apparently made sense to him. He burned Anderson’s trailer down. Showing no remorse though sentenced to seven years in prison, Tavares stated that Anderson had spread computer viruses and insulted his friends for too long, according to James Pack who investigated the case.

Anderson, an ex Marine lost everything in the fire, and now suffers harassment that he’s certain is related to the incident. People knock on his trailer late and night and have shot holes in his business. He claims that “No one used to mess with the haunted house guy”. Haunted houses were a major hobby of Anderson’s, lest you think only one side of this wagon is wobbly.

He plans to install $30,000 worth of Fencing topped with barbed wire. “He lost everything - over an internet squabble”, the investigator said. The irony? “Nerd” is one of the least offensive words this writer has seen in an internet squabble of any size.

Read Blow By Blow Here Chronical.com AP 7/30/07

Posted by Newscat in True Stories at 20:27 Comments (4)

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