True Stories

This may well be the test of how much power and influence the guy in the tall pointy hat still has. In case your rosary beads are in mothballs, or you don’t get the news from the Vatican, His Holiness issued the Ten Commandments for Driving. I must say this is probably the one and only directive with which I’ve even remotely been in agreement He seems to be saying we should be nice to one another, even in our cars! I do remember what happened to a historic figure 2,000 years ago who attempted telling people to play nicely. It ended badly for him.

I too have witnessed this decline in civility first hand. It was culture shock when I moved from a small community to a larger, and much more aggressive one ,where a car full of church ladies nearly ran me off of the road on my way into town. I became accustomed to exchanging friendly finger gestures with other drivers on every outing. I also learned that you’re best to avoid catching up with anyone who feels that you “cut them off. Even if you did not intentionally do this, you’ll know. Often they’re screaming, with that big blood vessel in the forehead and neck clearly pulsing in extreme anger, as they reach around in their glove box - I assume it’s not for a tissue, though the first time it happened to me I could have used one. My knees were knocking for an hour after the encounter. Usually people have to know me to get that angry with me.

Next, I learned that you will be honked and blasphemed if you do not “shift, and accelerate to the point where your neck visibly snaps back in anticipation of a green light.” This quote was imparted to me in a serious and helpful demeanor by a soft spoken nurse as she took my vital signs after a fender bender. The most recent incident occurred to one of our own merry crew here at Kick. Petite, and widely known as a kind hearted soul, her blood turned to ice when she saw a sour faced old bat shove a shopping cart with great velocity directly at her brand new car. There may have been some um..eh..er..WORDS exchanged. Our friend flew into action, neglecting the state of her back, by placing her body between the cart and the car. That’s when the other woman made the mistake of shoving her. Our heroine punched her in the face to the wild cheers of onlookers at the supermarket. You know it’s reached crisis point when even this even tempered and polite woman can be provoked, and risk her own well being. I wish his Popeness great good luck on this one, but cynic that I am, I fear that if anyone takes it seriously, those who are rusty might be even more distracted as they try to remember what comes next in their rosary beads.

Beads which will be included in the other items on board such as a cell phone, a latte’, fiddling with the radio, maybe dropping a ciggie now and then, oh – and the steering wheel and shifter. I think I’ll let my bobble headed Jesus do the worrying for me and see how it all works out. drive nicely  -  msnbc  

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