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Florida Swing State Election News, The Onion

The answer to the Florida problem is really rather simple. Make Alabama Eastern border follow the Chattahoochee River all the way to the Gulf of Mexico. This would move Pensacola, Panama City, the Redneck Rivera which includes the area known as the “Shoot a doctor in the back” over to Alabama which will be voting Republican for the nest 500 years anyway. This would give Florida just enough reduction in drunken rednecks to swing it permanently over to the Democrats.

Onion week in review