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Freshman mourns by eating dead roomates food, the Onion

The OnionNothing people around the house hate more than one of my MOSTLY TRUE STORIES which is why I tell them here.

As a freshman I experienced the suicide of my dorm roommate, Ed. A very nice guy who often let me borrow his cool black and orange Ford Mercury. Suddenly in the early morning darkness I was awoken by a cold March blast of snow in my face. There was Ed sitting on the open window sill 4 stories up.  “Cindy dumped me!” he cried.

Even at 17 I had my witty way, so believing him to be doing high drama, I replied, “Ed! You can’t jump because you won’t be able to close the window and keep the snow out of my face here. Think about me!” He jumped! After I got up and closed the window I ate all his canned goods.