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God Zaps Chief Justice John Roberts

Chief Justice John RobertsDown here in Greater Dumbass we are most daily treated to some poor soul thanking, blessing and praising the Lord while they stand in front of a pile of ruble that was once their home. I suppose the reasoning is God did not choose to take their home AND their soul. Tornadoes down here are called The Fingers of God, so I will assume a bang in the head from a lightening strike are The Toes of God.
Over the weekend an angry God quietly zapped his little toe onto the head of Chief Justice John Roberts causing him to fall, lose consciousness and be rushed to a Hospital while vacationing in Maine. Doctors have called the incident a benign idiopathic seizure. In common language that means they have no idea what caused it. We down here in Greater Dumbass know! All things point to God.
This may lead one to wonder if God just randomly destroys people’s homes and heads because it’s fun, or is there purpose behind his angriness? What has Justice Roberts done to deserve a zap in the head? As the angriest Heterosexual White Male in the Universe we can probably strike out Roberts recent rulings against Affirmative Action. Roberts denying women a right to an abortion? Probably not, God has a pretty poor record regarding the ladies. Because Roberts sides with the wealthiest at the expense of the poorest? Na, it was the Son not the Father who was the advocate for the poor and disposed. Oh that’s right, Roberts is a no nonsense follower of the Son. There you go, God zapped him for hypocrisy.