Grand Dame of Late Night Samantha Bee mea culpa at UPFRONT TBS gala

 Grand Dame of Late Night Samantha Bee has her say at UPFRONT TBS gala
Samantha Bee tones it down and apologizes to TBS and her advertisers: Transcript by Lisa de Moraes
Much has changed in the world, since I last spoke on this stage.

Remember last May, when we were all worried Ted Cruz might capture the Republican nomination? And now our former FBI director has destroyed two presidencies in just under six months, and the House vote to repeal Obamacare was only two weeks ago. You know what? I’m going to stop myself; I’m not going to go there. I swore a blood oath to TBS I would try to be as non-partisan as possible this morning.

So I’m just going to take all of the controversial things I was dying to say and put them in my c*ck holster for later.

Of course we have been having a lot of fun at Full Frontal, celebrating all of our favorite parts of the Constitution that are currently on fire. And we’re just going to keep making jokes until someone in Washington decides to pick up a f*cking bucket of water.

To all of our precious and attractive advertisers for their patience and intestinal fortitude. We appreciate that we are a challenging show for brands. But I assure you that we always have someone watching out for us to keep us on the straight and narrow. Sorry, I meant ‘to keep us out of jail’.

Our Standards and Practices team is the best in the business, and we cherish them as this Email exchange with them went.

Can we use ‘twat’ in reference to a vagina? Please let us know as soon as you can. Context. Rick Scott’s spent most of his administration relaxing Florida’s gun laws until they’re looser than the twat of an elephant who just had triplets.

This use of ‘twat’ is approved by S&P. We can approve the wide shot of the elephant birth; however S&P cannot approve the medium shot of the elephant’s vagina. Please let us know if you have any questions.

These people are worth their weight in gold, and I hope we are paying them enough to afford the best therapy our health care system has to offer. I’m almost positive I’m the first person to stand on a stage at an Upfront and say ‘elephant twat.’ You are welcome.

TBS is an amazing and supportive network and we want to work with you our advertisers. Yes, we are irritating and yes, we are high maintenance. But we are flexible and we adhere to the laws in many of the 50 states.