It’s hard to find good help when your job is to sell shinny rocks at the mall to idiots.
The worst advertisements in the world while sitting next to your wife are the jewelry store ads that say you had better spends thousands of dollars to buy Her baubles or you are a piece of poop. The ladies pick up on that you know.
True story. At the same time I realized that religion was a scam I also came to understand the jewelry business was also a scam with the added dimension of being a glorification of three of the Seven Deadly Sins: Pride, Envy and Greed. I recall that very day in fact.
It was on a Christmas Eve just after I had turned 14 with both sets of grandparents coming to attend Midnight Mass at St Bernards. Though I was sent to confession on the Saturday before so I could take communion with the whole family, I skipped it in lieu of going to the movies. That night, I lined up to walk the golden mile and took the wafer without blinking an eye. It was all over in an instant, the worst thing a Catholic can do. Game over. No remorse.
The following day while opening presents in the morning my Grandfather had bought my very religious Grandmother a diamond pin of some sort. Grandma said she would exchange it the next day for a new stove to better bake her daily bread. There was a discussion about avarice, pride and fashion and why she then had no problem wearing her mink coat. Her reply stuck with me. “My mink coat keeps me warm, a diamond pin serves no function but to show off.”
Since that day I have not entered a church or worn any piece of jewelry including a wedding band or a watch. Well other than a a few hours on my wedding day. In fact to get the engagement ring I had to give money to a friend to go into the store while I waited in the car. I tried to go in but found myself sweating, shaking and hyperventilating to such a degree I had to actually run out of the place before I fell dead. To this day I can go near them, or even into a mall that has one in it. So on birthdays, anniversaries and Valentines days I just get my wife a new floor cleaning device. Or a tablet! Or flowers! Or Huggy Bears! Though I do intend to make that up to her after I am dead. Good cause for me to go first…