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New Head ripping off machine, The Onion

head ripping off machineIn response to the Christian Evangelical state of Tennessee bringing back Old Sparky to electrocute to death 11 men on Death Row, questions arose as to what to do if there were no chemicals available and there was a local brown out during an execution.

The answer was found by The Onion of all places. The new head ripping off machine. Jesus approved.

I was watching TV just now and saw a trailer for a movie called A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST and noticed an even better process.

How about we drag people into a cell with nothing in it but a drain. We them remove the ceiling and Christianly drop a gigantic 100 ton block of ice into the cell from the roof. How quick and efficient is that! And then chop up the block of ice and sell it in frozen cups to Christians and Republicans as Bloody Harry mix.

I just found out that in both China and the US 58% of the population say they support capital punishment. Japan 86% support it and 64% support it in Islam countries.

The good news is that in the United States twice as many Millennial Christians DO NOT support the death penalty as older Christians. So like gay marriage, and hopefully racism and sexism, it is only a matter of time before the old nasty people drop dead to make the world a better place.