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Olbermann Worst: No BEER in Minnesota, Coulters Demonic diving

Gold: What’s that old song? "In heaven there is no beer, that’s why we drink it here!" You won’t be drinking it in Minnesota, in part thanks to Gold winner Amy Koch. The shutdown/stand-off is impacting the legality of alcohol sales, as current stocks dwindle. Your wild-eyed, twitchy friend may well be a cigarette smoker suffering withdrawal under the same regulations. Expect a run on nicotine gum – and an avid interest in the next election by deprived voters deprived of their mood-stabilizer of choice.

Silver: Republican has-been Cynthia Davis, who has expressed callous disregard for hungry children, is now focusing on the most important issues facing us today – in her opinion, denying basic human rights to others. To think, her own party called her a narcissist.

Bronze: Ann Coulter is prolific – if not concerned with facts. Her snarky yearly ventures in publishing have dwindled in revenue – until this year, with what I ‘presume’ is the autobiographical "Demonic." Expect to see this one in the .25 cent bin at B&N soon, this certainly explains why she was willing to plug the thing on Bill Maher – and shouldn’t have. Newcomer Bristol Palin is setting sales records as well with her first effort. She should have listened to me. She’d have fared far better had she titled the book "Not Afraid of Mother," and meant it.