web analytics
Menu Close

ONION TODAY NOW: ET Found, Scouts Earn Breast Exam Badges, Pet Python & Toddler

ONION TODAY NOW: ET Found,Scouts Earn Breast Exam Badges,  Pet Python & Toddler
In this extensive, fresh roasted cup of news from this week, there is something for everyone who has had it up to ‘here’ with Benghazi-Gate and assorted crap. Everyone needs to see some therapeutic good news for a change!  Here’s the ONION anyway…And just a few of the many highlights from this week.

In ‘Morning Inspiration’ you’ll oooh and ahh over the fresh-faced Boy Scouts who have found a way to earn their Eagle Scout medals while helping others…Mainly bare breasted (blonde) ladies.

‘Pet News’ : Honk if ‘Fatal Attractions’ (on Animal Planet) is YOUR favorite guilty pleasure too! Now weep with 4-year-old Zach’s parents, who reflect, “This is the kind of thing that only happens to OTHER people with a 300 pound, 20′ long python for a pet.” Zach and the python remain…Inseparable.
More Pets: Ever wonder how to rekindle that special spark with your cat? Ignore the author’s advice to ‘share a bowl of food with your feline.’

Our feature story from outer space and suburbia.   A charming little boy on a family trip discovered ‘E.T.’ – and like any little precocious imp, put the space alien in his trunk for the 600 mile ride home . Perhaps he will run for President one day?
“ET” is seen here riding on the handlebars, but failing to achieve lift-off like the boy and the alien in the movie. The ‘creature’ cries most of the time, and when prompted to speak English, according to  script ‘it’ says wistfully,  ‘Phone Home. ” Is that adorable or what?!