Political Tests

The Conservanazi Index

African-Americans should:

  1. Have equal opportunity

  2. Stay with their own kind

  3. Be owned or deported

  4. Be shot

Women:

  1. Should have equal rights

  2. Should stay in the home

  3. Are only good for one thing

  4. Should be shot

People of different religions:

  1. Are as worthy as I

  2. Should become what I am

  3. Are going to Hell

  4. Should be shot

Homosexuals should:

  1. Have equal rights

  2. Become heterosexual

  3. Be beat up

  4. Be shot

Liberals:

  1. Are fine with me

  2. Are pinko commies

  3. Are evil tools of Satan

  4. Should be shot

Hillary Clinton:

  1. Is a bright articulate women

  2. Is a witch

  3. I hate so much my teeth hurt

  4. Should be shot

 

Animals:

  1. Should be treated fairly

  2. Exist for our pleasure

  3. Should be shot and eaten

  4. Should be shot to rot

Bigotry and racism:

  1. Are wrong

  2. Are my right

  3. Are good

  4. Are my best traits

Socialists:

  1. Should move to pluralism

  2. Are worse than Hitler

  3. Are evil tools of Satan

  4. Should be shot

Affirmative Action:

  1. Is the right thing to do

  2. Is okay unless it affects me

  3. Is racism worse than Jim Crow

  4. Makes me want to shoot people

Jesse Jackson:

  1. Keeps hope alive

  2. Is an uppity Negro

  3. I hate so much my hair bleeds

  4. Should be shot

Barack Obama:

  1. Is a good President

  2. I hate so much my ears bleed

  3. Is a baby murdering communist

  4. Should be shot

 

SCORE: Add up prefix numbers of each answer.

12-15 Human
16-24 Conservative
25-36 Conservanazi
37-48 Conservanazi from Hell


Republican Party Admissions Test

 

  1. Can you say “my country right or wrong”?    Yes   No

  2. Are you more or less intolerant than you think you are?     More   Less

  3. How much do you hate sharing your stuff?     A lot   Very much

  4. Do you whine about taxes every:    second   minute   hour

  5. Check number of guns owned:    10    25    Lost count

  6. How many people would you enjoy shooting?    5    more than 5  millions

  7. Who do you hate most?    Blacks   Muslims    Gays   Liberals

  8. Hours a day spent hating above choice?    8 hrs    12 hrs    24 hrs

  9. Would you kill anyone speaking ill of your mother?    Yes   No

  10. Are you an Aggie? (If not sure check Yes)    Yes    No

  11. What upsets you more?  Nuclear-warfare   Genocide   Affirmative Action?

  12. Check machinery you can operate:    Revolver   Pickup truck   can opener

  13. What organizations are you a member of?    FOX   KKK   NRA

  14. What sports do you participate in?    Shooting    Golf    Hunting

  15. Put these words in the correct order.    God    Race   Country  Family

  16. Can you quote Sarah Palin without feeling like an idiot?    Yes    No

  17. Hours a day you listen to Rush Limbaugh?  1 hr  2 hrs  3 hrs

  18. Does this questionnaire phis you off?    Yes     No

Circle each answer and send a copy to:
RNC
310 First Street, SE
Washington, D.C. 20003
Please include copy of picture ID (you know why)
If your last name begins or ends with a vowel, forget it

Words Mean Things

Rather than me do this for you and be charged with bias, do it yourself. Get a sheet of paper and a pencil. Draw a vertical line down the center. Label one side Liberal and the other side Conservative. Add the following words to the column the words best represent.

 

Altruism
Art
Bigotry
The Blues
Callousness
Canning
Classical Music
Help the poor
Help the rich
Civil Rights
Collective bargaining
Compassion
Conservation
Country Western
Corporal Punishment
Creationism
Dogma
Environment
Equal Rights
Nationalism
Exclusion
Execution
Freedom from Religion
Guns
Hate Radio
Hitting
Homophobia
Human Rights
Humor
Inclusion
Intolerance
Jazz
Jingoism
Journalism
Law and Order
Literature
Mercy
Movies
Evolution
War
Peace
Reason
Pacifism
Rock & Roll
Racism
Science
Sculpture
Selfishness
Sexual Freedom
Sexual prohibition
Slapping
Shooting
State Religion
Teaching
Theater
Tolerance
Universities
Violence
War mongering

Now sign your name to the bottom, laminate it, and nail it to your forehead.