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Right to Life and Deportation, Borowitz Report

Since The Donald said he would change the constitution to deny birthright citizenship all but two of the other Republican candidates – Marco Rubio and Jeb Bush – have chimed in with agreement.

Ah the Republican Base who constantly shoves THE CONSTITUTION in everyone’s face (which they have never actually read) now want a constitutional convention to change it. While we are at it how about getting rid of the 2nd Amendment? No need to rescind the 4th Amendment which has been dead in the water now since the War on Drugs began some 50 years ago.

What I especially like about this idea is the police agency that will be knocking down doors to tear babies away from families and put on buses to be taken to baby concentration camps in the desert. How well thought out!

Reminds me of the fight down here in Houston to override the recent transgender laws to keep transgender men from taking a pee in front of Christian mothers in public restrooms. Who exactly will be lifting the dresses to check? Will it be local police stationed outside every restroom door? Volunteer Christian preachers peeking over the stall walls? Or those wearing Tea Party hats crawling around on the floor looking up under the stalls? So well thought out.

andy borowitzDES MOINES (The Borowitz Report)—Eager to shore up their pro-life credentials, several Republican Presidential candidates used campaign appearances on Wednesday to assert that the babies of undocumented workers have the right to be born and then immediately deported.

Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee sounded that theme in a campaign appearance in Des Moines, telling his audience, “We must vigilantly safeguard the life of the unborn, and, as soon it is no longer unborn, make sure that it leaves and takes its illegal parents with it.”

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker concurred, telling a crowd in Iowa City, “Every life is precious, and we must protect that life before marching it to the border twenty-four hours later, at the very most.”

Perhaps the most evangelical invocation of the right to life came from Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas), campaigning in Cedar Rapids. “Every baby is a creation of God Almighty, and as Jesus is my savior, every baby has the right to live,” he said. “Just not here.”

The initial response to the candidates’ statements was somewhat mixed, with some G.O.P. voters complaining that Walker’s twenty-four-hour window for deporting babies was overly lenient.