Song Parody for Joel Osteen – Who Only Gives When It Hurts

Song Parody for Joel Osteen - Who Only Gives When It Hurts

Here’s a fittin’ little ditty dedicated to Houston’s own Joel Osteen, the Gospel of Prosperity preacher who was ‘outed’ by Hurricane Harvey as a calculating, parasitic huckster. Olsteen’s particular gospel is irresistible to those who fill his 16,500 seat mega-church and his perfectly tailored pockets. In a nutshell, Olsteen’s gospel is ‘accept God’s ble$$ings,and tithe to this church. Soon you’ll be farting through silk just like the Olsteen clan.

Olsteen gained unwanted notoriety when he claimed there were “safety issues” caused by the flood, causing the church to be inaccessible. In truth, the church couldn’t be reached because the doors were locked. Olsteen then told NBC’s “Today” “If they would have asked us to become a shelter early on, we would have prepared for it.”  The excuse didn’t fly, given that local mosques and many other places took action without being asked – or prepared in advance. Only when bad P.R. became overwhelming did Olsteen finally open the doors to the unwashed hordes of barbarians, who probably weren’t carrying cash or credit cards.