Stephen Colbert and Conservapedia Rewriting the Bibleon October 8, 2009 at 12:58 pm
As if the Bible wasn’t right-wing enough! Anyone read the Old Testicles lately? MY GOD!
But there is very good cause for Republicans to rewrite just about everything Jesus ever said in the New Testament. Ignoring it as they have for so long is wearing thin, they need a full rewrite. I suggest a team of writers led by Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin and of course Glenn Beck to get some of that Missouri Christ and mandatory long underwear into it. Kicks’ Religion Web Page
Or I could help them if they want!
There was his moment of anger.
"I shall take 10% on all transactions in this temple! Or the whip!"
On being a good Christian…
"Rich men shall ride on camels while the poor shall have needles in their eyes."
"If one strikes you on the check, turn on them without mercy."
"Do unto others before they do unto you."
"Only through Free markets shall you gain the Kingdom of Heaven."
The Sermon on the Mount, known as the C-Attitutes?
"Blessed are the assholes for they shall own the Earth."
"Wretched are the peacemakers who shall be done in."
"The poor shall inherit hunger, pain and disease."
The last supper…
"Take this wine and this bread as my blood and as my body. In doing so found a religion in my named based upon cannibalism and tomorrow’s execution."
And of course those famous last words…
"Father, never forgive these bastards for they know exactly what they do!