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Stephen Colbert interview NOAH director Darren Aronofsky

God is worse than Hitler

Darren Aronofsky interview Stephen Colbert NoahNot only have the Muslims put a FATWA on Darren Aronofsky’s movie NOAH, But Christians are up in arms talking boycott too. Both of course before they have seen the movie. Which is one of the central aspects of all religions, judge first, think later, if at all. Religion is much like the military, the job is not to think but to blindly do what you are told. And woe be to those who cannot accept that for they are destined to die in floods, to work in the arts, to do community organizing and write liberal blogs pro bono.

The complaint with Darren Aronofsky’s NOAH is that it diverges from what really happened. Here again the absurdity of religion is driven home. Oh excuse me, that was unfair, the complaint is that the movie diverges from what the Bible says really happened.

I recently read up on the writing of the Bible. You know the when, where and who of it?

There was a time we call the Dark Ages where life was a horror show of plague, pestilence, violence and war raging through every nook and cranny of the Christian world. Sort of a Republican / Ron Paul central government world. But there was one safety net for men. If they cut off their balls and pledged themselves to Jesus Christ they could hide away in a walled monastery to help write the Bible. First they had to translate it to and from three languages, then choose which parts to use or not use, all transcribed by silly men with no balls who believed the Earth was flat and the stars were lanterns in the sky held up by angels. Which or course makes the Bible inerrant. And please do not get me started on PAUL. A sexless creepy crawler whose crap makes up about 40% of the New Testament.

But all that goes without saying. What I learned in this interview was not that God murdered the entire human race – other than the eight good people in the Noah family whom we are all descended from, but that the Flood happened just 10 generations after Adam.

Well it turns out it was 16 generations and those living before the flood had average life spans of 900 years. I would guess the women stopped popping out babies after they were about 500 years old. Using those real figures from the Bible we have a pre flood human population of about 20 billion. So rounding down God murdered about 19 billion of his children who he was disappointed in. That is about 1000 times as many murders as Hitler, Stalin, Mao and Rich Perry combined. God is Great. And worse than Hitler.