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Stephen Colbert, Tasering Bears and Black Women!

Police, tourists, hunters! Beware of the danger of angry bears and black women (buying candy in drug stores)!

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Like any gringo tourist who has traveled Mexico, I have either watched or experienced the enjoyment of a good tasering at a street side table outside a restaurant, you know the ones that serve mostly beer.

Sure there are lots of hammock salesman, blanket vendors and jewelry sellers coming by the table but the guy with the little black box dangling low from his neck is the most fun.

The box is big enough to hold  4  D sized batteries. Out of each side runs a narrow copper wire a few feet long ending in a medal grip about the size of bratwurst. On the box is a simple on/off switch, nothing variable there. The idea is that YOU give the guy $2 (which was what it cost way back when as the batteries had to be replaced quite often) and put one of the metal cylinder in each hand. He tells you that if you can touch the two cylinders together all will be well. You hold you arms out in front so your hands are about a foot apart. He flicks the switch.

I don’t know the numbers, but it is a matter of instantly falling to your knees and screaming until he turns it off. It is well worth the money for as you rise out of the gutter (and you have not peed your pants) you are applauded and deemed MACHO enough to gain the moniker Gringo in place of Touristo. This does help in extended traveling as you are then accepted in a more honest and friendly manner, though somewhat cynically, than being patronized as a rich a whole from El Norte.

So please whenever you travel South of the border, get a straw hat, a backpack and find the guy with little black box. Look for a clean area on the sidewalk to play this game.