web analytics
Menu Close

Stephen Colbert tries to bring Bill Maher back to the church, video

Stephen Colbert tries to bring Bill Maher back to the churchStephen gets his wisdom from those who didn’t know where the sun went at night.

Who wrote the Bible anyway?

From what I recently Googled it seems that it was God. With a Sharpie.

Scholars, smart people who don’t know anything, seem to say the Old Testament was written about 200BC in Hebrew and the new Testament was written in 150AD in Greek. Both books were translated into Latin and “cannonized” in the 5th Century. English monks in the Dark Ages translated it to English and removed much of it that was not monkish. It was finally mass produced in the 15th Century and almost immediately, Martin Luther redacted 7 books from the Old Testament that he didn’t like. The Lutheran or protestant Bibles are what we know as the Bible today, for as you know The Bible is not a big thing for Catholics who need it explained to them by clergy in what they call catechism.

I think I can do a pretty short synopsis of both books.

Adam and Eve had sex, which God did not like, which is defined it as Original Sin, He punished them with mortality. Not long after He found some more people having lots of sex he doesn’t like so He destroyed the entire world and killed everyone in it but 8 Noahs. Later he has sex with a young Jewish virgin who gave birth to his son Jesus. Who He then had crucified to wipe out the original sin of Adam and Eve having sex. You see how God advances in the story? From the genocide of humans for having sex, to toning it down by just having his son murdered. Where do I sign up?

But wait! From what we hear, He is coming to do that genocide thing all over again. In our lifetime. So I would advise having all the sex you can before it’s too late.