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Stephen Colbert, Vodka soaked tampons up your butt

Ow, ow, OW…

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All parents! Check your children’s a wholes NOW! Or as a parent myself, perhaps hire someone to do it for you…

Reminds me, I am in the 5% of Americans who do not accept pee testing by employers or the state. 95% of freedom, liberty and constitutional loving Americans think it just fine to have someone see you pull down your pants and pee in a jar. I am a radical extremist in this matter! With that said…

Start Today! 

By admitting to the need of drug testing, we also admit that drugs do not affect the quality of one’s work. If someone is unproductive and drooling on the job, get rid of them, don’t suffer our society the indignity of exposing our genitals to strangers. And if drug use does not affect the work, it is no business of employers or the state.

Stuck in a boring dead end job?

Want a career you can be proud of!

Want to meet new people in pleasant surroundings?

Have you no concept at all of the 4th Amendment?

Are you an out of work conservative Republican whose only skill is listening to Rush Limbaugh?

Do you enjoy looking at other people’s genitals?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions you are ready to join the thousands of Americans who have made something of themselves by becoming:

Urine Specialists!

Thousands of companies large and small, including every facet of local, state and federal government need people like you to watch other people pee! Not only do you get the satisfaction of watching strangers drop their pants or lift their skirts to fill a jar, but you get to walk around all day in rubber gloves with steaming beakers of phis! 

For more information write:

Department of Justice P-CHECK Division
Washington, DC