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The Moderate News Network Falls Short

After its first month on Cable, the MNN fell short of expectations. The start up company created for American Moderates put forth their formula of a 24/7 angst free Good News channel got a Neilson rating of 9 in the April sweeps. Of the 9 viewers in their first 30 days, feedback interviews of the households showed that three passed away in hospitals where the MNN channel was on default with a bad remote. Three more died of boredom while watching, two shot themselves, and one said it was a good compliment to his favorite, the Golf Channel, where after five years of viewing nothing has happened yet either.