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The Republican Wish List by Stephen Colbert

The Republican Wish List by Stephen Colbert

The Republican Wish List by Stephen ColbertI got a gun and it aint teenie it makes up for my little weenie.

It goes without saying that guns are the answer to our problems with Muslims, Mexicans, Immigrants, foreigners, Negroes, neighbors and errant wives.

I forgot that guy that bumped the quarter on the pool table. Sorry. I saw it happen from a few feet away. Bikers. Nine shots from a .45 across the table in a bar and the guy lived! And he was hit all nine times. It proved once and for all to everyone in Texas who read the news a few days later, that indeed, guns are safe.

The most important way Republicans prove that guns are safe happened circa 1995, a member, I think it was Tom DeLay, passed out NRA checks on the floor of the House before a vote. Really. It was a set of bills by Republicans passed that made it illegal for the CDC, hospitals or federal agencies to collect gun shooting data, or collect it for any national database.  The less we know the safer guns become.  Over 100 Americans are shot everyday. That is the same number of Americans shot and killed by Muslims in the past 30 years.

25 things gun enthusiasts spend their days doing:

1) ARGUE about guns.
2) BUY guns.
3) CLEAN guns.
4) CONCEAL guns.
5) DREAM about guns.
6) FONDLE guns.
7) KILL ANIMALS with guns.
8) KILL OTHERS with guns.
9) KILL THEMSELVES with guns.
10) LOAD guns.
11) OIL guns.
12) PUT TOGETHER guns.
13) READ about guns.
14) REPAIR guns.
15) SELL guns.
16) SEND AWAY for guns.
17) SHOOT guns.
18) SHOW guns.
19) SLEEP with guns.
20) TAKE APART guns.
21) TALK about guns.
22) THINK about guns.
23) THREATEN with guns.
24) TWIRL guns.
25) UNLOAD guns.