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The Texas Bible bill confuses educators

Down here in Dumbutt last year state Republican legislators passed what we call the Bible Bill. It allows public schools to teach the Bible in elective courses. It was meant as Bible study to preach religion in public schools but worded in such a way as to be a history and literature of the Bible course.

The gist of it is that if any school in Texas 15 students request the course, it must then be offered by that school. I am sure there is no school in Texas where there will not be at least 15 sets of parents screeching for it to get around that horrid separation of Church and State crap. The school districts are saying it will cost over a $1 million dollars to train and accredit teachers for the course. Lawmakers seek legal answer about school Bible class

I am going pass on the reality of what this is really about and accept the bill as stated, teaching the Bible as literature and history. To help save Texas some money on this I have worked up a lesson plan:

Week 1
Explain how God created the universe, light, the Earth, and Adam and Eve in a week in September a few thousand years ago. Cover how the woman tempted the man with knowledge of their sexuality which got them both tossed out of Eden giving us the world we have.

Week 2
Explain that Judeo-Christian theology is based upon God telling Abraham to slit his son’s throat to prove he loves God more than his own flesh and blood, and when Abraham pulls out his knife, at the last minute God says he was only kidding.

Week 3
Explain how Moses got the Ten Commandments as residue from a small burned up tree. Cover the content of the rules concerning God being number one, never yelling at him, spending one day a week with him, that women shall not cheat on their husbands, to not desire what others possess and not steal or kill unless you think God thinks its okay. Be sure to cover the story of the old man who is found gathering sticks for a fire on the Sabbath in which God tells Moses to get the people together and go stone him to death. That is a very important commandment lesson. Neither forget the story of God telling his people to go to the Land of Canaan and kill everyone and everything BUT the young virgins which the men shall divvy up between them. Here! Hear!

Week 4
Explain the basis of the New Testament (Christianity) where God impregnates a young virgin who gives birth to the Son of God, who is later executed because he promotes peace, love and change, but comes back to life which is the key to it all. Make sure to explain that the way to God in gaining everlasting life is from intensity of belief rather than worldly actions. And not to forget that the thought of doing bad things is as bad as actually doing them. I love that one. You could base a religion on that one!

Week 5
Explain why the Dark Ages were so Dark, and how the Bible was translated from language to language by Dark Age Monks who mostly became Dark Age monks because it was about the only way to get fed.

Week 6
Explain all 13 Crusades, the "ankle deep" blood, the death and the carnage because of "holy ground".

Week 7
Explain the Spanish Inquisition, Torquemada, torture, heresy, burning at the stake and how it spread from Spain throughout the Christian world for centuries.

Week 8
Explain the Reformation and the subsequent European wars between Catholics and Protestants.

Week 9
Explain the Witch hunts and executions of witches in 17th Century America and Christian acceptance of Slavery.

Week 10
Explain what being a non Christian in Nazi Germany got you.

Week 12
Explain what the 1000 year war in the Middle East is all about and why the Irish hate the English.

Week 11
Explain the workings of Jimmy Swaggart, Jim and Tammy Bakker, David Koresh, Randy Weaver and the growing religious intolerance of the Christian Right led by Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson.

Week 12
Cover Christian terrorists Paul Hill and John Silva.

And for the second semester, do it all again backwards.