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The American Shithead Awards!
Winner: Senator Larry Craig
The Idaho Statesman has listed the names of six men who have been propositioned by Craig. They also have one unpublished name of a man who has had sex with Craig but does not wish to be named unless it becomes necessary. Gay Rights groups have claimed Craig is gay for most of a decade with an even longer list of witnesses because of his anti-gay rhetoric and votes.
All Craig's abject hypocrisy aside, there are also the three absurd lies. Keep in mind that Larry Craig pleaded guilty with his appeal denied, and before he entered his own stall, he looked into the adjacent stall and knew it was occupied.
His wide stance? Go into a public stall and put both feet beyond the wall of either side (knowing someone is sitting next door.) Come on Larry...
His hand venturing into the next stall (which he knows is occupied)? To pick up a piece of stray toilet paper behind the toilet bowl. Picking up someone else's used toilet paper in a public restroom? Come on Larry....
And lastly his claim that he would have to be a contortionist to slide his left hand palm up under the right wall of the stall which is no harder to do than contorting the right hand to slide palm up under the wall. Come on Larry...
And of course the coup de grace, saying he would resign and then later refusing to do so, giving the Democrats an entire Presidential election cycle to remind voters of the GOP Family Values hypocrisy which was half the reason they lost the House and Senate in 2006.
Runner up: Alberto Gonzales
Who would have ever thought that a newly Bush appointed Attorney General could possibly be worse than the previous Attorney General The Ayatolla John Ashcroft? Alberto Gonzales may not have forced daily prayer sessions in his office, draped curtains over the breasts of classical statues or poured Crisco cooking oil over his head to anoint himself with each new job, but as an incompetent Bush/Rove "yes man" he politicized the Justice Department to such an extent than even Republicans finally had enough of Mr. Don't Recall.
Firing Republican appointed federal persecutors because they did not pursue bogus indictments against specific Democrats opposing Republicans in the 2006 elections was a new historic low point in politicizing American Justice.
Shithead of 2006
Winner: George W. Bush (again)
Runner up: Don Rumsfeld
I am sure the money powers that be will find Don a soft job with millions in stock options for his service to them. Unless of course we put him in shackles and send him to The Hague for war crimes.
Shithead of 2005
Winner: Dick Cheney
Runner up: Tom DeLay
Shithead of 2004
Winner: John O'Neil
He never forgot. Leading up to the 2004 election he organized and helped fund the Swiftboat Vets in the most ubiquitous and dishonest character assassination in American election history. This pussbag went so far over the line that as election day closed in he ran ads of grey haired old widows looking into the camera telling point blank lies and blaming Senator Kerry for their husbands deaths. Like Arkansas lawyer Cliff Jackson who spent his life trying to destroy Bill Clinton resulting in an impeachment, O'Neil's life long vendetta may have been the straw that broke Kerry's back. He also made big money on a book rushed out by Right-wing publisher Regnery Publishing.
Runner up: The Slave States
There lies the elephant in the room. What do they listen to on the radio? What TV channel do they singularly watch to get their news? What websites do they go to?
Shithead of 2003
Winner: Rush Limbaugh
Mr. Limbaugh took runner-up for Shithead of the Decade a few years ago, but his recent hypocrisy regarding drug use and character puts him head and shoulders above the rest of the conservative drug addicts. After all, Sean Hannity is obviously on crank and Ann Coulter must be addicted to some mind altering substance.
It came fast and furious for Rush. On a Monday he lost what he had said was the job of his life at ESPN. He did so by playing the old racist card that Blacks are not well suited for the more intellectual jobs of coaching and quarterbacking in the NFL. Though he did it by directing it at the Negro-loving Liberal Media, he did it just the same. On Tuesday came the charges of morphine addiction.
Doing the numbers on Rush’s stash, over the past five years or so he has been doing about a dozen hits of morphine a day. Mostly time release Oxycontin, an opiate designed to be taken once a day. He seems to have been in possession of hundreds if not thousands of morphine based drugs at any one time. In our War on Drugs, such extensive quantities lead to the charge of felony intent to distribute rather than misdemeanor possession. Depending on type of drug, federal law requires minimum sentencing of five to ten years in prison. Rush bought thousands of hits of morphine from his housekeeper who was a dealer, and thousands more through Doctor Shopping, which is also a felony in Florida. With no hope of lying his way out of this fix, he promptly entered a high end dry out facility for a month. Such places often put wealthy White people to sleep for a few days so they don’t have to suffer any physical withdrawal sickness the rest of us do. Thirty days later he came bursting back on the air to tell us he learned a great lesson! That he had to start thinking more about himself rather than be so concerned with others. Wow hey! I had to laugh like hell. Slowly came more information concerning Limbaugh’s criminal responsibilities regarding: Possession, cash drug deals, money laundering, payoffs and doctor shopping.
Rush’s descent into such depths of hypocrisy concerning both drugs and character issues will find no sympathy from this quarter. The list of his quotes in support of more draconian measures regarding the War on Drugs is more than substantial. The day after the addiction related deaths of both Jerry Garcia and later Kurt Cobain, he called them foul names, laughed and applauded. He has also said that White drug users should be put in jail just like Black ones. All enough to make the point.
But it is the character issue that takes the cake regarding the hypocrisy of this piece of human debris. Twenty years of daily screaming about personal accountability, taking responsibility for our actions and the inherent evil of anyone playing victim. For years he has whined about Hillary Clintons statement regarding a REAL Right-wing Conspiracy directed at she and her husband. I give you this, perhaps the most extreme example of hypocrisy in human history.
"My friends, it is, and has been, obvious to me for the longest time that all these leaks were an attempt to try me in the court of public opinion. The Democrats in this country still cannot defeat me in the arena of political ideas, and so now they are trying to do so in the court of public opinion and the legal system." Rush Limbaugh 1/2003 on an IMAGINED left-wing conspiracy.
Hypocrisy aside, what a thing to say from his mansion on the beach of conservative Palm Beach County, in the conservative State of Florida where he is personal friends with the conservative Governor, in a country where is he a personal friend of the conservative President, where he is a personal friend of conservative SC Justice Clarence Thomas and where he is an honorary member of the conservative Congress. Poor Poor Pitiful Rush. Perhaps its time for Rush to get out while the gettins good.
Runner up: Richard Pearle
Shithead of 2002
George W. Bush - Winner
Some of these trillions he is giving away to those with the most comes from eliminating education and social programs for the least of us, but the vast majority of this biggest borrow and spend plan in history will have to be paid by our children and grandchildren.
The American People - Runner up
Shithead of 2001
Time Magazine (Time Warner/AOL) - Winner
Osama Bin Ashcroft - Runner up
Shithead of 2001
Antonin "Benito" Scalia - Winner
John "The Crisco Kid" Ashcroft - Runner up
Shithead of 1999
Henry Hyde – Winner
Tom Delay – Runner Up
Shithead of 1998
Kenneth Starr - Winner
Matt Drudge - Runnerup
Shithead of the Decade
Newt Gingrich - Winner
Rush Limbaugh - Runnerup
Shithead of the 20th Century
Roy Cohn - Winner (minority category)
Joe McCarthy - 1st Runner Up (dumbass category)
Linda Tripp - Runner up (hot babe category)
If you feel I am mistaken in any of these awards and have better candidates, let me know. But please, criminals and x-spouses do not count.
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Leader of the bloody Neo Cons, his dumbass plan and failed execution of his dumbass plan along with nastyass personality helped the Democrats gain both houses of congress. But even that saving grace can't hide the fact that he is a major shithead. Between his time in the Reagan Administration and joining the Bush Administration, Rumsfeld was the top lobbyist and spokesmen for Reagan's simple minded, budget busting, and failed Star Wars plan. Experts in the field complained that with the Soviet Union disbanded, those who wish us ill would find new ways to create havoc for us which a missile defense system could not fix. Rumsfeld himself in the Pentagon one morning in September of 2001 had that fact flown right into him. To no avail.
Though this past year saw the Vice President as the face of war and torture in the world, this award is directed at his nature; a mean, cold, callous, heartless asshole. Daddy Bush, knowing that if his dull witted first born through some horrible accident, actually won the Presidency, he would be in way over his head. So Dad assigned a competent adult to actually run things. Sadly for Dick, he has fallen out of favor with both Daddy Bush and Brent Scrowcroft as being responsible for destroying Little George's Presidency.
In 1971 Richard Nixon wanted to crush the peace movement in America. His aid Charles Colson brought to his attention a young anti-war upstart by the name of John Kerry. Colson told Nixon he guy was the most credible voice in the movement and had to be compromised. The two hand picked a recent Vietnam Veteran named John O'Neil to confront the young war hero on the Dick Cavett show. Nixon picked someone even more unfavorable to television cameras than he was. Mr. O'Neil came off as an obtuse skinny little Nixon Wonk who spent most of the hour fumbling through his notes, stammering, whining and being made a complete fool of.
Often a picture really is worth a thousand words. This election was close enough for us to blame either God, Guns, Gays or more probably Soccer Moms voting the fear of eminent annihilation George Bush and company so successfully planted into the campaign. The most important aspect to remember from the exit polls is that 70% of our Red States believed that Saddam Hussein was involved in 911, and that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. How did so many people came to accept such easily dismissed lies?
I use Mr. Pearle is a representative of the group of NeoCons who are pulling that string coming out of the top of our president’s head. Paul Wolfowitz, Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney, Carl Rove and William Kristol the main players. All of whom chose not to fight in any war themselves. Pearle, nick named “The Prince of Darkness”, was recently fired from a Defense advisory group for war profiteering. No matter who we speak of in this gang (who run this country) their speeches, articles and position papers, all funded by conservative magazines and think-tanks, contain the same focused rhetoric: Oil, sticks, stones, bullets, bombs, invasions, killings, torture, executions, war and initiating war. It is what NeoCon has come to mean, those whose very existence revolves around killing lots of people in lots of places unless they conform to our cultural ideals and corporate ventures. 
I was saving Cowboy George for the year he starts World War Three, but I just can’t hold off any longer. Forget his mumblings and bumblings coming by so often and so inane you want to shoot yourself for being an American. Forget last years’ big tax break for mostly the wealthy which squandered Clinton’s surplus into deficit and once again began increasing the debt. Forget that it was Bush, Rumsfield and Rice who sat behind desks where the buck stops when we suffered the worst attack on America in history. Forget that he has utterly failed to get those responsible, bin Laden, as he said he would. Let’s just stick to 2002. Unemployment up 40% and rising fast. Savings and retirements down 35% and still going down. Stock market down more percentage points since 1929 and still going down. Health care, health insurance and prescription drug costs up. A pending personal pre-emptive war in the middle of the Arab world that can only destabilize the region, cause more terrorism and substantially increase the world angst toward America than there already is. And not to forget his new end of the year tax plan to put in effect (as he has control of all branches of government) to make last years’ tax cuts for the wealthy permanent, and to begin yet another round of big tax cuts for the wealthy under the guise of a stimulus package.
For giving the most incompetent President in memorable history 70% positive support rating. To see patriotic jingoism and religious exploitation so easily and so completely cloud American minds has moved from depressing to terrifying. 
By picking Rudy Giuliani as the man who had the "greatest impact, for good or ill" in the world, the media proved once and for all what whores they are. The truth be dammed, they are only going to give us what we want to hear to make the board of directors happy. If they had done the right thing, and put Bin Laden on the cover, they would have lost hundreds of thousands of customers to Newsweek. Of the tens of thousands of submissions they received, the top seven were; Bush (good), Giuliani (good), Bin Laden (ill), Ashcroft (ill), Rumsfeld (good), Daschle (good). It sure is easy to see where their best bet was to not piss anyone off. Wouldn't want the media pissing anyone off, hurts share. And share is the only thing its about anymore. 
Mr. Ashcroft has now made Runner up status two years in a row. I am sure within the next two years he will do something so disgusting he will make it to the winner's circle. This year he has pushed our judicial system into using secret military tribunals to deal out executions, rescinded our constitutional rights of due process and habeas corpus. While his extreme States Rights ideology has moved the federal government into both California and Oregon to deny extremely ill, and terminal patients their State Right of using marijuana to relieve pain and to get a doctor's help to end the pain once and for all. Perhaps the answer to the latter, considering his extreme fondness of capital punishment, is to have anyone trying to commit suicide, executed immediately by a secret Military Tribunal. What is so alarming about this bozo, is not that he is incapable of seeing himself as the Taliban clone he is, but the tens of millions of Americans who can't see it either. 
The most conservative Supreme Court Justice in American history takes this years award for being the de facto leader in destroying the credibility of the Supreme Court by putting his politics above the very concept of democracy. Secondly, for his onerous hypocrisy of going against what he and all conservatives so adamantly stand for, states rights over federal interference. And lastly, for selecting George Bush as President for the personal gain of becoming the actual Chief Justice. [Do not forget that only a year earlier he said he would probably leave the court if Gore won.] Antonin Scalia, fascist slime.
To lend credibility to his national call to put partisan politics aside, George Bush appointed the most intolerant, bigoted, homophobic, pro Life fundamentalist right-wing lunatic the United States Senate had to offer. To, I might add, the most sensitive post, Attorney General of the United States. Ashcroft not only beats out Jesse Helms and Bob Smith with the respect of rightwing lobbies and think tanks, but even gets the highest rating of the worst of the bunch, the John Birch Society. Because Attorney General of the United States is a much more important job than those jobs he anointed himself with cooking oil for in the past, perhaps this time he should strip down, have Clarence "Slappy" Thomas rub Crisco all over his body, put a red ball on his nose and go tell Negro jokes at various state execution chambers.
As leader of the House Managers and the central impetus for impeachment proceedings over a one year affair President Clinton had with a single woman when he was 53 years old. The same Henry Hyde who had a six year ongoing affair with a married woman, destroying that marriage and family claiming it was only a youthful indiscretion, when he was 48 years old. 
For standing in the Well of Congress with tears streaming down his face charging Democrats of sleazy, underhanded, family destroying vindictiveness for making Speaker Elect Bob Livingston’s family suffer through the pain of having his sexual indiscretions made public. An hypocrisy beyond anything ever before witnessed in the realm of human history. Also for being the most obnoxious, crooked, money grubbing, anti-environment, Right-wing Fundamentalist Christian to have ever graced the House of Representatives. And because he represents ME
The "independent" conservative ideologue who could find no legal proof of Bill Clinton being guilty of anything at all, finally resorted to threatening numerous women with jail to get sexual information to use to rescind the Presidential election of 1996, which findings he made public in the most filthy legal report ever filed. He took the GOP, the office of the Presidency and all of us down in the gutter with him, peeking in windows and denying the right of any personal privacy at all. 
This disgusting right-wing gossip-snitch made it to the big time being the first to go public with the information Linda Tripp and Lucianne Goldberg fed him about Monica Lewinsky. His success at almost bringing down the Presidency won him favor with the very conservatively bias Fox News Network who gave him his own show. But way over his head as a TV pundit, he lasted only a few months before he was dumped back to that computer in his empty bedroom.
Admitted having an affair for years before he served his first wife divorce papers while she lay in a hospital bed recovering from a cancer operation. Admitted to committing adultery on his second wife with a House employee since 1993. The "definer of civilization" has lived in a state of adultery most of his adult life, all while orchestrating the attack on Bill Clinton for committing adultery. When it comes to character, Newt Gingrich doesn't reach Bill Clinton's instep.
For a decade, this three times married with no children "family values" advocate, has used the radio to disseminate more Right-wing hatred, name calling, bigotry, lies, libel and abject hypocrisy than both Father Couglin and Joseph Geobbels put together. 
The homophobic homosexual and Anti-Semitic Jew who not only dealt the deal to execute the Rosenbergs, but as Joe McCarthy's top advisor, was the impetus behind McCarthyism. Justifiably, he died a long painful lingering death from AIDS. 
Joesph McCarthy, who with the help of the above piece of shit, gave us McCarthyism. 
She illegally recorded phone conversations to betray a friend to get a book deal no matter almost bringing down the government. Perceived as so smarmy she has undergone extensive plastic surgery to hide her identity. Try as I might I cannot come up with the name of any other woman in the history of the New World more despicable than Linda Tripp.
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