Stephen Colbert quickly took control during the NYSE fail and suspected cyber attack, addressing ‘remnants of the before times’ from his office bunker. A shaken Colbert explained that “our worship of technology has mid-wifed our doom!” and for a few fleeting hours, “America’s bankers had no idea how rich they were!”
Colbert commanded, “Worship me, you minions of the worldwide wasteland!” Colbert proved himself worthy of worship, having amassed enough office supplies and cubicle food to survive the crisis with his queen Vindaloo (the hen).
And then things got kinda strange.