Somebody should give Stephen Colbert a heads up on this one!
Brian and Cece McCarthy were vacationing at their cabin outside Lake Tahoe when their son Dylan woke up at 3:30 a.m. to a commotion. He looked outside to see that a bear had gotten trapped in the family’s Toyota Prius and couldn’t get out…
You can’t blame the bear for hating a band that dresses up in Michael Jackson costumes, can you?
There was no food in the car, only CDs and cell phone chargers. But police believe the McCarthys may have been harboring Coldplay CDs. Bears hate Coldplay. That’s a well-known scientific fact.
So he’d broken into the car to teach them a lesson about listening to crapty music. But now the bear was trapped inside with the doors closed. So he decided to maul the interior in an attempt to escape.
He ripped the shift completely out, putting the car in neutral. It began to roll down the steep driveway and run over multiple boulders before finally coming to a rest after ramming the neighbor’s porch.
Detectives believe the collision may have popped a door open. The bear escaped. The cops haven’t released a motive, but they suspect this may have been an act of terrorism against Japanese automakers for stealing all of our jobs.
The unnamed bear is now wanted for auto theft, burglary and acting like an a whole when people are trying to get some sleep. He’s described as large, brown and furry, with a long nose and ears reminiscent of the Chicago Cubs logo.