America’s Best Christian, Mrs. Betty Bowers warns graduating schoolboys that someone is watching every time they masturbate. In a graduation address to a private boy’s school, Betty puts images in the heads of the hormone tossed adolescents that may haunt and even titillate them for the rest of their lives!
As Jesus’s Old Lady (in biker parlance) Mrs. Bowers is in a unique position to know what’s what in the invisible world. Never doubt that God knows the final verdict for each of us on Judgement Day. Even so, he remains a most ardent voyeur…So what’s that all about? I suppose an argument could be made that God knows himself through us and through our experiences. This popular argument falls flat when you consider the eons of wanking God has observed…Nothing new to see here, might as well move along.
However, when Betty confirms what we sometimes suspect – that Jesus, your dear departed grandma, your pets, ancestors and even random pervs who’ve crossed over, are at the foot of your bed, observing your solitary pleasures, perhaps God is simply one among a crowd of voyeurs?
Betty’s message brought to you by ‘Stopping Perverts Using Kleenex Nightly.’
Everyone talks about it, but what does the Bible say about masturbation? As it turns out, not much – as is the case with most of our controversial moral judgements of one another.
Individual religions are another matter entirely. If you belong to a Catholic church, Islam, conservative Protestant or famously Mormon (where tying the hands of youngsters to the bed frame is advocated) you have struggled with masturbation vs Hellfire! You know guilt intimately.
Those fortunate enough to be of the following groups needn’t worry. Buddhism – with the exception of monks & nuns, Liberal Protestants, Earth-Based religions, IOW – Pagans and Wiccans, Hindu – neither labeling the act as bad nor encouraging it, they are silent on the topic. Finally Judaism has a long and complicated policy with many variables. for the sake of simplicity we’ll just categorize them here.