The Hobbit returns with Dildo Baggins!
You know, Middle Earth and the office go together like Dick Cheney and Ellen. Like Barack Obama and Michele Bachmann. Like white cops and black men. Like Sarah Palin and Elizabeth Warren. Like Bernie Sanders and Ted Cruz. Like The Pope and Ted Nugent. Ah yes, the mundane cubicle culture of the office intertwined with the endless beheadings needed to save the world from the ultimate cannibalistic evil.
You know I have seen some lady elves, some lady hobbits and even a lady dwarf on occasion, but where oh where are the lady orcs? Has anyone talked about that perhaps being the problem?
Has anyone thought of organizing an army of blond California girls to go to the Middle East and give hummers to all the Muslim men to make them happy without any need to die for those 72 virgins in the afterlife? How would the math work on that?
Though there are 1.6 billion Muslims in the world, in the Middle East, including Pakistan there are only about 500 million. Divide that by half means about 250 million Muslim men. How many California blonds would it take to hum them all once a week for a year? How much would us that cost paying the average American wage of $50,000 per year, minus the 20% for women, or $40,000 a year. Keeping in mind that fighting them in just Iraq and Afghanistan has already cost us $1.7 trillion. So what would this idea cost?
And as a bonus, how many bearded overweight single white male gun enthusiasts would emigrate to the Middle East just to get in on that? Could the NRA survive that?