Stephen Colbert Crime Reports, Manatee Mailbox Murder

In Cocoa, Florida when the world explodes outside, there is little reason to get up and look out the door when the AC is working well, the couch is deep and soft and The Housewives of Cheatin’ Backstabbers is on the tube.

This worries me. Here in my community down in Dumbutt, Texas being on Galveston Bay we have a similar iconic statue/mailbox culture not of Manatees but of Pelicans. Are they now in danger from copy cat 15 year old pyromaniacs? There is of course a solution! We need an armed citizen patrol to protect our painted cement.