Oh the humanity…
For some reason I often get myself into what is at the core of this issue.
Locally we have a law that my completely harmless Golden Retriever must be on a leash in my own yard. Buddy used to love playing basketball with the kids in the driveway. He understood enough of the game to try and get the ball between his legs get it away from the kids. It was fun for everyone. Often a neighborhood audience would show up. But someone would call the cops within minutes and the flashing lights would ruin the fun and I would end up with a $100, dog at large fine. Even taking the dog from the front door 25 feet to the car without a leash, dog at large $100 fine. The reasoning is not that a dog HAS pooped on someone's lawn, but that a dog MAY poop on someone's lawn. And from what I gather with all the anger and fines and even threats to shoot my dog, that is about the worst thing that can happen in Suburban America. Well other than parking a boat in your driveway. But that is another story.
But the one that gets me humming is leash laws at the beach. As far as I know, no where in America can you any longer throw a ball or a stick in the ocean for your dog to retrieve. So I ignore it. And because I ignore it i often find myself toe to tow with some woman, why it always has to be a woman I don't know, on my case at the water line about the rule of law.
“Sir! Did you not read the sign?”
“What sign?”
“The sign in the parking lot that says all dogs must be on a leash sign?”
“No, I missed that, I don't do well with NO signs. I like YES signs.”
“Well there is a sign, all dogs must be on a leash, it is the law, so please either put your dog on a leash or please get off the beach.”
By this time Easy is back from the retrieve and wagging his backend circling the woman trying to give her the ball to throw.
“I didn't know this was your beach.”
“Please restrain your dog!”
“Come here Easy. Give. Give.” And I throw the ball out in the breakers.
“I take it that means you are not going to follow the law?”
“You take that correctly.” This is when the cell phone comes out and the various police agencies are called.
“Look lady, I flat out refuse to accept the law or even the idea that people are no longer allowed to throw a stick or a ball for a dog. Which is impossible to do on a leash. I cannot accept that. It goes beyond the pale.”
“Peep, click click peep peep. Yes! Galveston Police? I am at West Beach in Galveston and a man refuses to restrain his dog. It is a large yellow dangerous looking dog. I am at Jamaica Beach access road.”
“Dangerous dog? You know that's a lie lady. What a nasty old busybody you are.”
“Thank you, have the officers look for an old green Explorer.”
“You know some day they may erect a statue of you here. The Witch of Jamaica Beach. Children will come from all over Texas to admire the mean lady pointing her finger down the beach with a cell phone to her ear. Insuring that no on can ever throw a stick or a ball for a dog ever again.”
“That sir is a legacy I would be proud to accept.”
“Is this what you do with your life? Police the beach for dogs running after balls and sticks in the ocean?”
“What I do is none of your business sir.”
“What you do happens to be ALL OF MY BUSINESS at the moment. I did not engage you, you have engaged me. ”
“This is a nation of laws, you are breaking the law, I am doing my duty and nothing more.”
“Did you know while you are playing this game, that somewhere in the world there is a woman about your age – though probably quite a bit thinner and better looking – who poking around in a pile of ruble with a stick looking for the heads and limbs of one or more of her children? Does that kind of perspective ever cross your mind while you wallow here in the shallow warm yellow end of the pool?”
“I have no idea what you are talking about. Click peep peep peep peep click. Galveston Sheriff's office? Yes I want to report a man on the beach who refuses to put his dog on a leash. He seems to have been drinking”
“Oh for Christsake woman! It's 9am in the morning. That's another lie you told the police that you know is a lie. I am now a drunk with a dangerous dog? Peep peep click peep peep. Hello, Police? Yes I want to report a crazy woman on Jamaica Beach harassing people and lying to law enforcement agencies. No, it doesn't look like she has a car. It seems the door to Hell has been left ajar and she slithered through the crack like a snake on her belly.”
With that I turned and walked down the beach with some kids who played keep away with their Frisbee with Easy. The police never arrived, but when I got back to the car an hour later or so, there she was reading off my license number into her cell phone. This is not just one instance, this KIND of thing, with these KIND of people happens quite often in my outings.