David Letterman hits the highlights of the week, with topics including the Denver TSA agent groping ‘scheme,’ the GOP primaries , a suspicious competitive eating champ and a hilarious new segment titled “Rick Perry Master of the Silent Screen!”
Dave admits that he “doesn’t mind a bit of groping” but for those who do, there is now an innovating ‘home NSA groping alternative.’ You saw it here first.
I truly had not been fully aware of the cooperative nature of the latest TSA scandal and did a bit of research on my own. The two agents – a male and a female, targeted attractive male passengers. Please note gentlemen: do not feel slighted if you were passed up, the pair may have been off duty or out to lunch. The “scheme” involved the male TSA agent signalling to his female counterpart when he noticed a male he fancied. The female would falsely tell the dumb scanning machine that the traveler was a woman. This is diabolical. The system would then indicate an abnormality in the groin area (imagine it) which allowed the male agent to perform a pat-down search. This was no ordinary pat-down. The agent routinely became extremely familiar with the violated passengers – so much so, that initially two men complained, and now new complaints are filed daily. It hasn’t reached the scope of the Cosby complaints, but they were young,when caught. Traffic at the Denver airport had increased by 80% in the months prior to the allegations, and subsequent criminal investigation. Pssst! I have not verified this last bit of news, do not quote me.
Dave echoes the sentiments of many of us who wish that those who are campaigning for 2016 would give it a rest for a couple of months, and brings us up to date on Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton. Most impressive is Chris Christie who is winning the hearts and minds of millions by promising good things to come! Cutting Social Security is the best assurance that Christie won’t be bothered with long hours of campaigning. Here’s a thought, Christie can then retire from politics and join the world of Competitive Eating. The ‘sport’ pops into mind, because Dave brought up a recent win by an attractive woman who ate an entire cow, (no kidding) potatoes, rolls and shrimp cocktail in less time than I eat a bowl of cereal – and the woman maintains her figure! It is not natural or normal, we should imprison her until she reveals her secret identity or methods.
I am excited about a New Segment called ‘ Rick Perry: Master of the Silent Screen.’ It is obvious that Dave’s staff has ferreted out Rick Perry’s real talent, and I’m happy to share it. You won’t see sharper choreography at a DWTS dance-off, his timing is impeccable, and he doesn’t say one stupid thing – (or anything at all) a brilliant performance!